The Blame Game: Carol Moseley Braun Style

The big news in Chicago today is how Carol Moseley Braun failed to show how $315,000 was spent during her 2011 mayoral campaign. State law requires that all candidates file the proper documentation showing how their campaign finances were spent. Rahm Emmanuel, Gery Chico, Miguel del Valle and Patricia Van Pelt Watkins all filed the proper paper work–even Rahm documented his Starbuck’s purchases.

Back in April, Moseley Braun showed that she raised $323,000 and spending $315,000. And that’s where the trail stops–sort of. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Moseley Braun’s campaign listed expenditures over $150 as “Vendors Multiple.” This action is considered a big no-no in Illinois.

When I heard this earlier, I was really hoping that Moseley Braun would finally show some class and professionalism, and admit to screwing up royally. Instead, she shoves the blame toward her long-time friend and former-Braun campaign treasurer, Billie Paige.

Back to the Sun-Times: 

” ‘If Billie Paige neglected to do so, it doesn’t surprise; she is elderly and overwhelmed,’ Braun said in a brief telephone interview.”

Read on, please:

“Paige, who has been a friend for 34 years, introduced Braun when she announced she was running for mayor in November 2010. “I introduce to you the serene, courageous, wise person, the next mayor of the city of Chicago, my friend, Carol Moseley Braun,” she said before the two embraced.

Paige, a Springfield lobbyist at Shea, Paige and Rogal, whose clients include General Motors, METRA and AT&T, said in a written statement she resigned from the campaign the day the disclosure form was filed, April 15.”

Ok..let me get this straight. Braun, a former US Senator (the first Black woman to ever be elected to that office), as well as the former US Ambassador to New Zealand and Samoa, isn’t on top of her campaign finances? Seriously? Considering her history with the whole pesky world of campaign finances, she would’ve learned something. You’d think that in this day and age, candidates would be a scosch more savvy about such things now that anyone can research that type of information on the Internets. Yes, it’s good to hire smart accounting folks but it’s also necessary for the candidate to double-, even triple-check every financial document that will be examined by the public.

Instead, she blames an old friend. Klassy.

Nothing legal will probably come out of this fiasco, but it would be nice to see Moseley Braun own up to it, take her lumps and move on never to run for public office again. However, it appears she doesn’t have either the guts or the smarts to do just that. Too bad because I kind of liked her moxy once upon a time.

No wonder the public mistrusts politicians so much. But at least she’s out of politics now.

Too bad we’re not dealing with Lloyd Braun.

The Versatile Blogger Award

I would like to thank whomever thought of this award, and for giving a kid from a West suburban, upper-middle class background a chance! I don’t know where I’d be without a stable family, a good education and the opportunities awarded to someone of my class.

Today, I sit at my MacBook Pro before my two cats, a messy apartment, “The Town” showing on HBO for the gazillionth time, a winner of the Versatile Blogger Award. Who is responsible for bestowing this honor upon McCrabass? Why it’s none other than the fabulous Sandra who writes the faboo blog, She Can’t Be Serious.  This also means that someone chose my blog as one of their 15 featured blogs. My mission, along with walking the Earth and ridding it all things bad with my Ouiser Boudreaux wisdom, is to pay it forward by honoring 15 blogs I find to be apex of awesome.

During my tenure as an award recipient, I must agree to the following conditions:

1) Thank the person who gave me this award and link them back to their post.

2) Share 7 things about myself.

3) Pass this award along to 15 recently discovered blogs and let them know about it!

First, about McCrabass..

1) I worked in Hollywood for a long time in post-production. I actually worked in the field I got my degree it–a first for many and very rare in this day and age. I left because I got tired of being treated like crap by a handful of people who had all the power–undeserved power. Being yelled at by someone because their Starbuck’s wasn’t foamy enough is a big bowl of wrong. I don’t care how many men you blew to get your job.

2) I’ve had the chicken pox twice, and have been bitten by a Black Widow Spider once.

3) When I say no, I mean it.

4) Contrary to what the public seems to think, I don’t think clipped cat hair would make a good sweater.

5) I could watch “Godfather Pts I & II” over and over again. Same with “Just Wright.” Somewhere between those three choices is sanity.

6) The most unusual job I ever had was editing porn.

7) If you tell my parents about #6, I’ll have to hunt you down and cover you in cock rings.

Now, for the blogs I dig and are now also worthy recipients of the Versatile Blogger Award. Some are funny, some more serious, but they’re all worth a look. Please check them out–I know you’ll find something within them you enjoy. If not, you’re dead inside.

Geneva Daily Photo

Squathole 

If Weather Was a Dick, It’d be …

Candy Coated Rose Petals

Office Crap

Tortoise off On a Wild Hare!

Robert Loerzel 

Samalamadingdong

Poorly Dressed People 

Lame Adventures

Sally Duros

Throw Grammar From the Train

What’s With *Today* Today

Bindy Fry’s Itty Bitty Brain Basket

MarkCz

I’ll probably add more over the next few days. Until then, please read them. Hell, even subscribe to them. They’re worth it. Trust me!

More musings on random shit

With this musical revelation, Jesus is gonna come back and beat the crap out of this woman to save the rest of humanity. Some talent should never, ever be allowed to leave Norway.

A fake dick will make its first appearance in space in October. When I heard this earlier today, my response was “Why didn’t I think of this??” I don’t know about y’all, but I feel much better knowing that a sex toy will be vibrating its way through space, maybe looking for moisture on Mars. But, I have two words for this cosmic cock: Black Hole.

I’m alll about organic, but this is too much. The idea of rodent turds mixin’ it up with my morning cuppa joe that’s been infused with a  jug of CoffeeMate French Vanilla creamer and a bucket of Splenda, really makes me just want to give up and start drinking vodka in the morning. If there were turds in vodka, at least the alcohol would kill the germs and kill the necessary brain cells that require one to feel disgust.

Question: Why do people shop at Jared the Galleria of Jewelry? What is wrong with people? Is it that fucking difficult to think for yourself? Or do you like conformity and ugly? This society is doomed, and a little of me dies whenever I see a tee vee ad for this place.

Can’t wait to read this page-long book. “I tried heroin, then woke up years later with a teenage daughter, a dead husband and a new body thanks to plastic surgery.”

Finally, this vid is the cutest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

Ethics, schmethics! Pffft!

Heard some interesting, yet not completely surprising, news today. Turns out, a person I used to work for at a local institution of higher learning–let’s call it SchmeSchmaul Schmuniversity, allegedly left his wife for one of his subordinates. Nice, and might I add klassy and just a titch, um, unethical? This is the same person who fucked over 3 friends of mine at this same university that happens to be located in a large Midwestern city, on the shore of a large freshwater lake named after another Midwestern state.

This news brought up some throw-up-in-my-mouth-a-little memories of this particularly department head AND the institution of higher learning that’s steeped in the ‘believes in the talking snake’ tradition. See, if I didn’t make it clear enough earlier, this is a faith-based university that requires all students to take a bible study or some sort of religion course in order to graduate. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some sort of ethics/morals clause that all folks who attend and work at this institution have to abide by in some manner. Maybe students don’t have to follow it to a T per se, maybe they just have to agree to do good and not dump roofies into co-eds’ Red Bulls at dorm parties.

But, what about those who work (read: teach) there? Those whose main job is to educate and shape the young minds? You know, possibly be a role model? Yep, those folks.

Now, I’m not getting all high and mighty here, and I’m far from perfect — I’ll be the first to admit it. However, this is the same place and person who caused a lot of damage — albeit temporary-by bad-mouthing not only my friends, but yours truly here, to others within the academic community. It was painful for me because I really liked my job there, and felt the sting of this man’s words for a couple of years after. My friends, however, fared much worse.

Badmouthing is what bullies do. I handle it with much more aplomb these days because people who know this person are finding out what a major choad he really is.

The big, fat farmer question I have is, what will this university with an above-average reputation do about this? Hmm…I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say NOTHING.

Huntsman (spider) for President

Once upon a time, I was bit* by a Black Widow Spider.

*SHUDDER*

I remember feeling like the skin around the bite was melting as if I had been splashed with acid. I remember sweating and having mild hallucinations whilst lying in a Los Angeles emergency room with a big-ass IV pumping fluids and a spider-venom nullifier into my veins . I remember feeling like hammered shit for about a week afterwards.

What this horrid little creature did was give me a newfound respect for arachnids. You’re probably thinking, “McCrabby, that’s cray-cray. You respect spiders after being bitten by one of most dangerous breeds ever to creep and crawl on the Earth? You need help, MACHT SCHNELL!”

Yep.

From that moment forward, I didn’t smash spiders with fancy footwear; I didn’t shoo them out of my house; I didn’t sic the cats on them and I didn’t spray them with DDT. I followed the “live and let live” mantra. After all, the Chinese say that spiders bring good luck and shouldn’t be sacrificed. Uh huh.

Then, I was introduced to the Huntsman Spider.

The stuff that nightmares are made of.

Wait..the above photo doesn’t show the sheer fucking size of this beast.

This one’s better.

No one will hear you scream.

From what I’ve read, these arachnids live mainly in Australia. Not even in this hemisphere! Yee-fuckin’ ha! We’re safe! Whooopeee! Those big, ugly spiders CAN’T HURT US! Yesssssssss! We’re free, free, FREEEEEE!

Not so fast, McCrabby…

However, more digging brought creepy, sad news.

A version of the Huntsman has been found in Florida. Of course–IN FLORIDA. AMERICA’S WANG. Or, as my friend Squatty calls it the “Nation’s Dicktip.” You’d think that for once, FOR ONCE, Florida would give the rest of the country a break, but noooo! Florida couldn’t stop after unleashing George W. Bush on us. Nope. Or Marco Rubio. Or Gov. Rick Scott. (In all fairness though, all three men have given comedy writers comedy gold for years–even at the expense of this country’s sanity.)

This meaty spider just had to migrate there and set up shop. Greedy bastard. Probably wants free health care — yep. Probably is the first in line at the Early Bird Special each day and he hogs all the chocolate pudding too. Wanker. Probably has horrid table manners and takes his teef out to scare the grandkids who visit their meemaws and peepaws.

At least the arachnid Huntsman is a lot more interesting than the dull Huntsman.

*not my arm in the photo

Objects in Mirror Are Larger Than They Appear

It’ll be interesting to see if I am able to compose a coherent post today. First, I did Bikram, then I came home and did some of this workout. Yes, ’tis true. I got sucked into the infomercial vortex a few days ago and since I’m a sucker for innocents named Ryan with Canadian accents, well you can figure out the rest.

I’m waiting for the required mocking to stop. Any time now would be just perfect. Seriously. Stop. Now.

As for the liking innocent Canadians named Ryan, I don’t know where that came from either. Do yourself a favor and stop trying to figure it out.

So, Bikram was brutal and I did the thing that all American women do–compared my bod to the other women in the class. Now, before you say “Not ALL women do that, McCrabass.” Um, yeaaaah…. you do. Imma gonna call you out on your bullshit. Of course you do it. Yes, stop denying it because you’re full of shit. You do. It’s okay to admit it. Comparing ourselves to our fellow American females citizens is a national past time.

Now that that’s settled, back to the body comparison. I felt good that I wasn’t the fattest in class today–or the weakest–that’s a win in my book. I give myself a lot of credit for doing Bikram in the first place since I’m usually one of the older ones in class, but I look about 8-10 years than my actual age. For that accomplishment, kudos to great genes (see photo below of mum & one of mah seesters), drinking lots of water, wearing a lead blanket as sunscreen and Bikram yoga.

The beautiful ones.

Sadly, my youthful appearance hasn’t helped me land a job, which has me forced me to set aside a plastic surgery change jar. Each day, I toss the day’s accumulated change into it, and with each ping of the coins hitting the glass, I feel safe and hopeful about my future. I should have enough scratch saved by the time I really need a facelift. Until then, Bikram, good genes, SPF 500 and copious amounts of water will have to do. Oh and probably Botox. Sometimes I wish this country was a place where women were accepted for their intelligence and wit, rather than for their dress size. I’ve harped on this subject before, so I won’t open up that old thread again since it doesn’t do any good AND it just makes me a titch sad. The thing is, I think women in this country are forced to compare ourselves to others OR we run the wrath of being labelled a bitch. I already am a bitch and am damn proud of it, so having confidence in the way I look shouldn’t be an issue for me. But it is.

Back to comparing my physical self to others. I can’t help it. I’ll be doing it until I draw my last breath. So, until that day comes … meh…I’m too damn tired to finish that thought.

Cook County Cacophony

People never cease to amaze me.

Case in point. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

“Cook County Commissioner William Beavers, a South Side and suburban Democrat, isn’t the only one refusing to take the 10 days off without pay that he and the rest of the County Board unanimously agreed to when they passed the 2011 budget.

Last week, Beavers told the Sun-Times the pay cut was illegal — citing the state Constitution, which says sitting elected officials can’t have their salaries boosted or docked — and now Commissioner Earlean Collins is standing with him.”

Oooookaaaay …..

Please continue.

” ‘I wrote a letter, saying ‘I do not wish to have my salary cut,’” Collins said during Tuesday’s regular County Board meeting, referring to a letter she penned to county government officials.

Collins, a Democrat who represents the west side and western suburbs, said her office sacrificed a lot when commissioners OKed another budget measure this year that gave each commissioners equal district office budgets of $360,000, which covers commissioners and staff pay and other expenses; in 2010, Collins had the second highest district office budget at $421,489.

For one Collins staffer, that meant a $15,000 pay cut before the 10 days without pay, she said.”

I get it: No one likes having their salaries cut. What gets me about this is these folks have jobs, unlike yours truly here. They have benefits–both healthcare and a pension. They have a place to go to every day, a purpose. Yet, they still bitch about it. Of course, they have a right to, but what really gets my knickers in a twist about this is we pay their salaries–they’re elected officials, see. So, in my opinion, they have no right to bitch, moan and whine about pay cuts–especially when the U.S. unemployment rate is hovering around 10 percent.

It gets better.

” ‘It’s unfair where they can get no overtime — to ask them to take $15,000, $10,000, $5,000 cuts and take 10 more days out of their pay. That is not equitable, and I will not sit by and take my cut because I know this board nor the president can cut my salary,” said Collins, who like other commissioners earn $85,000 annually.

Collins is sounding a different tune from February when discussed the proposal.

“Can I give up 10 days? Yes. Absolutely,” Collins said Feb. 24, just two days before the final budget was OKed.

Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle, who championed the five furlough days and five shutdown days without pay as a way to close a nearly $500 million hole in the $3 billion county budget, responded to Collins during Tuesday’s meeting: “I haven’t asked any one commissioner to do something that I haven’t done myself.”

“I’ve taken the shut down and furlough days as I’ve asked everyone else,” Preckwinkle said.”

WAIT A SECOND… Did I read that correctly? Collins originally agreed with taking a pay cut and now she’s backtracking? Sounds like the current crop of GOP contenders for President. She’s acting more like a Republican (and some Democrats) with her actions–saying one thing and doing another. It’ll be interesting if she follows in her fellow pols’ footsteps by chastising those who want to do follow in her footsteps.

Read…

“Most of the 23,000 employees were asked to take the ten days without pay: five furlough days and five government shut-down days. The aim was to save $29 million by the end of the fiscal year, Nov. 30. By the end of August, $16.2 million savings had been achieved, Kurt Summers, Preckwinkle’s chief of staff, said after the meeting.

“What kind of message do we send to the 23,000-plus employees that everybody has to take cuts and furlough days except the county commissioners and their staffs,” Commissioner Tim Schneider, a northwest suburban Republican, said during Tuesday’s meeting. “I think it’s the wrong message to send. I think we have to have shared sacrifice, we have to lead by example,” he said, noting that he and his staff are taking the unpaid time off.”

I like Toni Preckwinkle–I voted for her. She’s smart, savvy and so far hasn’t take any crap. She’s perfect for Cook County, has a huge mess to clean up and is doing her best to fix it all. She has some smart commissioners working with her too–John Fritchey and Larry Suffredin–to name a couple.

But, the tone that William Beavers and Earlean Collins have taken is annoying and ignorant–considering they both make a good salary. Yes, I am sensitive about this because of my job-free situation, and take issue with those who bitch about their jobs in front of me (or in the media). Obviously, they’re just not paying attention to what is actually happening in this country, and should have their sensitivity chip recalibrated, or have one put in. Yes.. yes… I know that no one has the perfect job and I’ve whined about my past jobs. Aaaaaand, I’m sure I’ll find something to bitch about when (noticed how I didn’t say IF–I’m cautiously optimistic) I finally land a job.

I’m not surprised at William Beavers, however. He is, after all, partially responsible for unleashing Todd Stroger on Cook County, among other things. Ahh…Cook County. I doubt any other county in this country is as colorful and corrupt as Cook. *So proud*

And finally ….

“The discussion was prompted by a new report Preckwinkle commissioned to gauge who was complying with the five furlough days and five shut-down days approved as part of the 2011 budget package. She sent a letter last week to the commissioners thanking those who had complied and pointing the finger at those who hadn’t.

But on Tuesday, Cook County Commissioner John Fritchey chastised the administration for inaccuracies in the report, prompting Preckwinkle to withdraw it and have County Comptroller Connie Kravitz recalculate some of the numbers.

Leave it to John Fritchey to keep ‘em honest.

Wardrobe Malfunction

It’s time to retire this shirt.

An old friend.

I got this t-shirt while working on a film many years ago. We recorded actors in NYC, and the director bought one for each crew member. I went along to help out and had a blast because, after all, I was in New York City! We stayed at the Plaza, ate at the 21 Club–all on the studio’s dime. Most important part of the trip? I got to shop at Bloomingdale’s (that’s when I made a union wage, see). How could I possibly turn this shirt into a kitchen rag?

This t-shirt one of those pieces of clothing that gets better with age–everyone has a piece or two like this in their wardrobe. The more worn out it becomes, the more comfy it gets. It was worn for sleeping, working out, and tee-vee watching. In other words, it’s a knock-around shirt. This shirt has given me wonderful memories, and it’s wonderfully beat to shit.

This morning while getting ready for Bikram, I couldn’t find a shirt to wear, so I donned my old friend, some yoga pants and headed out the door. Little did I realize how beat to shit this t-shirt was until Standing Bow. While I was reluctantly watching my form in the mirror (so brutal the sight before my eyes–I’m semi-blind now), I noticed two things: This t-shirt makes me look bigger than I actually am, AND it has HUGE holes in the pits. We’re talking if I had really hairy-scary pits, the hair would’ve tumbled out of them kinda like Rapunzel’s braids. Yep–that big AND that gross. I hoped to dog that no one else noticed. I’m sure people did though–how could one not? I notice things about my fellow students all the time–mainly the creative tats on the necks, backs and legs of those practicing in front of me. Seriously–it’s hard NOT to notice sayings in Sanskrit, Arabic and Hebrew on the same body part. I get it–your body is a peace treaty from the days of yore. Rock out, my friend.

Back to the t-shirt. For the rest of the class, or until I was no longer to watch myself in the mirror, I obsessed about how shitty this shirt made me look and feel, and came to the realization that it was time to retire it. Not only would this Large Marge of a shirt be put out to the fabric pasture, all of his little friends would join him. I just can’t keep wearing clothing that screams Slobovian because my psyche can’t handle it any longer. My body image is already poor, so why add to the misery?

McCrabass Millicent

So, Wednesday, I’m hoping to debut this little number I bought at Costco.

Coming soon: Two pigs fightin' under a built-in bra.

I hope they don’t kick me out of class, OR have me arrested for indecent exposure because I wouldn’t be surprised if the room got an eyeful of nekkid boobage. Not a sight for sore eyes, trust me.

I’m already missing my old friend. Enjoy retirement, you’ve earned it.

Stay tuned.

What you see is what you get & then some

There’s something so magical about Coco.

Coco

Before you click away in utter disgust and decide to block my blog forever, maybe even report me for being a hack, a fraud OR worse–stooopid–please give me a chance. Who knows–you may even agree with me. If you do, you’ll be a better person for it.

I admire and like Coco because she doesn’t attempt to act smarter than she really is; she doesn’t pretend to be something she isn’t and is happy with who she is. Most important, she appears to not give a shit what others think of her. She’s a gutsy broad who puts it all out there and doesn’t seem to mind the negative press. Hey, she’s making a shitload of cash off of her look, is in what appears to be a happy marriage and cares about those around her. In my book, that’s huge. What do I admire about her the most? She’s not a skinny chick, is proud of it and celebrates her curves. How refreshing!

Coco’s a(n) (in)famous American woman who is comfortable in her own skin–a rare species here since we are trained from early on to despise ourselves for not being pretty, smart or thin enough. Or, for being too pretty, smart and thin. Those of us who dare attempt to break out of this hobbling, disgusting mold, are chastised and called selfish bitches. Hey, argue with me allll you want. Tell me I’m wrong with your so-called well-thought out arguments about how women have more power than ever before and I’ll listen quietly. Then, when you’re finished, I’ll hand you a stack of fashion pubs & suggest you take a gander at the photos and ads & hopefully you’ll see how all of the models are in dire need of a couple dozen Sliders–then try that lame-ass argument again.

The constant barrage of Biafra-esque thin women that grace the media, plus the multi-billion dollar diet & plastic surgery industries in this country, are constantly telling women we’re not good enough physically. Sure, we’ve made huge strides as women, but we’re still harshly judged by our looks over our intelligence and wit. If you don’t believe me, think back to how horrible folks were toward Hillary Clinton’s looks when she was running for President. Same with Sara Palin–yep, I said it. There was a lot of ridiculous attention paid to her looks–it even had me shaking my head because I noticed immediately that her room-temperature IQ was more dangerous and important than her appearance. Fortunately, anyone with a pulse realized that too–so we’re safe–for now.

Coco’s not like the Kardashians–who are desperately clawing their way up from the bottom of Crap Mountain to be taken seriously as something other than what they really are–fame whores. These sisters & Mama pimp would appear at the opening of Malaysian whore house if E! was in attendance. Sure, society is to blame for the Kardashian’s success–this culture celebrates mediocrity. How else would you explain Dane Cook, George W. Bush and the entire “Jersey Shore” cast?  But, I will give the K-Klan this much–good move on cashing in on your sibling’s sex tape. Who knew that having tape of your sister’s muff being munched on by a mustachioed gutter dick could prove so profitable?

I wonder what Camille Paglia thinks of Coco. No…. wait…nah…not really.

There is much to say about Coco and whether or not she’s good for us. Maybe I’ll write more about her later, maybe not. But I’ll leave you with what my pal Shannon M. said about this shot:

“That titty is way better looking than all of Janice Dickinson.”

AAAAANNNND SCENE.

The Adventures of Clive

(To be read with a loud, jaunty English accent)

” ‘ello! Wot’s this then? You following me, guv’nah? Wot? No? Then wot you doin’ then? Oh? You want to know where I got my sporty tam o’shanter? Cheerio! I bought it at Harrod’s! I think it makes me look rather dapper and jolly, yes? I’m the toast of the savannah! Wot’s that there? A lion? Oh, cheerio old chap, pip pip and all that! Oh? Wot? Stop following me, you posh lion you. Don’t be a daft prick! Run along now! Wot am I doing? I’m on my way to see Nigel the elephant for a spot of tea and perhaps some biscuits. He’s a right fellow, that Nigel. He used to work for the East India Tea Company, that’s right! He has some new baccy he wants me to try  and I suppose he wants to chat about that trollop of a wife of his. I’ve always thought she was a right twit, see. Nigel also wants me to join his cricket team. I told him I’m not beastly enough to play. Oh no, good sir! I most certainly am not! I’m sure that gray bugger will try to convince me now I can assure you. He’ll most certainly say ‘Poppycock Clive! Stop being a prig and come play!’ I’ll just sip my tea. Well, that’s it. Pip pip, cheerio and all that rot.”