My Least Favorite Things of 2011 — so far …

Since I’ve already waxed rhapsodic about 2011, I’ll dive right into my least favorite things of 2011 — in no particular order of course.

1) GOP candidates. See yesterday’s post, but I’ll add the Tea Party too. What a bunch of loons. First, I love how they call themselves a “grass roots movement.” Hate to break it to you folks, but it’s not a grass roots movement since it is backed by the Koch Brothers and Fox News. Also, you wear your racism on your sleeve and that’s completely despicable. We have a Black President. Get over it and grow up.

2) Graphics Interchange Format, or aka GIFs. My god I hate these things. To me, they’re the white trash of the Internet, the bratty kid of social media who picks his nose then flings his boogers at you. In my opinion, writers who rely on GIFs to tell a story or to get their point across, are lazy and shouldn’t call themselves writers. You’re a frustrated animator who couldn’t get into CalArts but are in LOVE with ALL THINGS Pixar.

To those of you who don’t know what a GIF is, it’s well, I’m not going to waste perfectly good typing on it so I’ll let webopedia.com do the heavy lifting for me:

Pronounced jiff or giff (hard g) stands for graphics interchange format, a bit-mapped graphics file format used by the World Wide WebCompuServe and many BBSs. GIF supports color and various resolutions. It also includes data compression, but because it is limited to 256 colors, it is more effective for scanned images such as illustrations rather than color photos.

In other words, this:

(you need to click on both to see what I mean)

Aaaand this one.

Make. It. Stop.

 3) Auto-tune. This audio tool from hell was invented to take the talent-free and turn them into stars. Soon, music fans will only want to hear crappy shit that’s been auto-tuned, instead of those with real talent (who also — GASP — write THEIR OWN SONGS) like Paul Weller, the Black Crowes, Los Lobos, Elvis Costello … et-ceteraaaa … et-ceteraaaa …

4) Embracing mediocrity. A society that finds the Kardashian Klan intriguing is a doomed society.

Why are these people famous? They have really nothing to offer society, or anyone beyond their property lines. I find their antics, as well as those people who find them remotely important and newsworthy, to be one of the worst traits of my fellow human beings. I hope someone will explain this whole embracing mediocrity phenom to me soon. Is it because things are so shitty everywhere and folks are that stupid that they feel the need to worship those just as stupid? Is it because they see the success of the room-temperature IQ crowd as obtainable? And, while you’re at it, please show me a Venn Diagram as to why “The Jersey Shore” and Beyonce are useful and important. It pains me to think about the level of the mind that finds any of the aforementioned people necessary for the survival of the human race.

I bet Andy Warhol is rolling over in his grave and is quite amused at how well these folks have stretched out their 15 minutes of fame.

5) Not getting invited to key parties. This needs no further explanation.

6) Being unemployed. Not a new topic for me. It’s a bone of contention for a country where the unemployment rate is hovering around 9 percent. It’s frustrating and unnecessary, but there isn’t much I can do about it except spend two months out west looking for work.

7) War. What IS it good for really?

8) The death of ________. Lots of famous folks died so far in 2011. The ones I will miss are Elizabeth Taylor, Nick Ashford, Christopher Hitchens, Al Davis, Wangari Maathai, Andy Rooney and Andrew Gold.

The ones I will really miss are Steve Jobs …

and Uncle Leo …

and Sidney Lumet.

Finally, I will miss her the most.

Thank you all for contributions, your faults and and letting us see your joy, laughter and pain.

3 thoughts on “My Least Favorite Things of 2011 — so far …

  1. 1) You have animated GIFs, yet you have this stupid snow on your page that makes me think I’m having an aneurysm?

    2) Uncle Leo was my celebrity stalker for a while in LA. Everywhere I went, he was there. I think he was typecast, he always seemed like a surly old man.

    My wife’s celebrity stalker was Doris Roberts.

  2. I would hate most of the same things you do if I paid any attention to them at all. One of the perks of Facebook for me is that I catch glimpses of words like Kardashian, GOP debate, Tebow, et al. So, I know these things are happening and worthy of my ire, but I never actually have to expose myself to their toxicity. Facebook is my Hazmat suit, basically. So, for being just one very important part of that suit, I thank you.

    I will, however, take exception with your ad hoc characterization of “writing one’s own songs” as an inherent positive. Singer-songwriterism is basically an innovation of the Sixties (give or take some folk and blues singers dating back even further) which has led to as much bad music as it has good music. Sinatra never wrote a song; nor Billie Holiday, as far as I know; nor anyone in the Phil Spector stable. But Barry Manilow sure did (although not, ironically, “I Write the Songs”) and so did Hank Williams, Jr. And they suck. The Bangles wrote some good songs, but their best ones were covers, and were no less awesome for being so.

Push it out, shove it out, waaaaay out...

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