I understand that at least two of my three readers are wondering where I’ve been, so I thought I’d write a quick post to let you two know that I am alive, AND will start writing again once I roadtrip to the WordPress headquarters and kick the snot out of the person who decided it would be a good thing to change the home page. It’s annoying the fuck out of me.
Also, starting Monday, I’ll be covering this trial for Gaper’s Block. Once again, the Chicago Police Department fucked up and tried to hide it, and ONCE AGAIN, their horrible, choady behavior got their asses all caught n’ shit. The federal court room where this trial will take place will be a house of horrors for a few weeks. Also, why oh why the City of Chicago didn’t settle this case has me flummoxed.
So stay tuned, my friends, because this trial will certainly produce some ripping good yarns for me to pass onto you.
2012 will be noted in the record books as one of the choadiest years ever. Why oh why would you make such a proclamation, Julia? Not only did we have one of the oddestyears in human behavior, but the election shenanigans put the ‘crap’ in craptastic choadiness.
2012 was ugly from day one and it just got uglier and uglier as the year progressed– especially in the political arena. Needless to say, the folks on the following list not only embarrassed us the world over, but they sure did a bang-up job of making the human race look like a big pile of chunk-filled dung. (Note: John Boehner, Rush Limbaugh, Eric Cantor, Mitch McConnell, Bill O’Reilly, Hannity, Newt and the NRA are already in the Choad Hall of Fame, so mentioning them here would be redundant.) The vetting process was brutal and I know I’m missing some choads, but I’m sure they’ll be on my 2013 list.
So, without further adieu and in no particular order, I present to you–my loyal three readers–Your Year in Choads.
The Donald.
(courtesy of examiner.com)
The thrice-married Trump never ceases to amaze me. He inherited millions from his father, then felt the need to continue to dumb down society with his tee vee shows and tomes. He has even sullied my city with a multi-floor steel phallus with great views, and overpriced units. That was a Trump I could live with–out of my league financially and matrimonily–but I never bought into his bullshit so ignoring him wasn’t a chore at all. However, he had to go and ruin it for me and everyone else by opening his fat yap about how the President isn’t a citizen and how the country was robbed during the election (even though Obama won the popular vote) with a series of ill-timed and uber-choady Tweets–which he promptly deleted. Oh and early in the campaign, he was actually a candidate. But, never fear, Trump will be back in 2013, and will be a bigger choad than Donald Trump. Notice how I didn’t even mention his hair?
Sheldon Adelson.
If Citizens United had a dick, Sheldon Adelson should be giving it blowies all the live long day as a thank-you gift. Yeah, I know. I have that image in my mental Rolodex too and I have no idea how to get it out of there. A brain transplant may turn out to be the way to go, and I’d be happy with an Abby Normal-esque brain at this point. The good thing is, Adelson’s attempts to buy the election failed the way the uterus supposedly does when raped legitimately. Ahem. Imagine the good Adelson coulda done with that money had he done something useful, like for instance, help his beloved Israel build a better defense system.
And speaking of legitimate rape, there’s Todd Akin.
I’ll let the magical combo of video and the Internets speak for Mr. Akin (who lost in November–big time–by the way). Akin’s advisers, the “doctors” who told him about how the female body “works”, anyone who has ever hung out with or believed in Akin, well, y’all are choads too.
Nikki Haley
Choads are not limited to men, my friends. Nooo…never. Not only did Gov. Haley NOT consider Stephen Colbert for Jim DeMint’s now-vacate Senate seat, she doesn’t want nuthin’ to do with Obamacare even though her state, South Carolina, is desperate for the help. Like Haley’s fellow GOP governors, she’d prefer to pout and eat worms in the garden because the smart, black guy won AGAIN, and now his monumental, life-saving legislation is truly the law of the land. Basically, she’d rather fuck over her constituents to make a point than help them. That horrid attitude makes her one of the Choads of the Year.
Richard Mourdock.
“Even if life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen.”
What’s even more amazing is some woman finds him fuckable.
Personhood Amendments/He-Man Woman Hater’s Club.
It’s safe to say the today’s GOP don’t like us ladyfolk very much. That hatred was evident in the candidatestheynominated and the legislation/ballot initiatives that so many states tried to pass, or get on the ballots. Then, there was the kerfuffle over the transnatch ultrasound bill requiring all women in Virginia who wanted an abortion to have this lubed-up wand stuck up their hoo-hahs so they can see what’s dancing on their bladders. The best part? Women have to pay for this humiliation out of their own pockets because Lord knows the GOP doesn’t want to pay for it–hell, they’d rather protect guns than people, see. There are so many anti-woman stories that happened this year that writing about them would cause me to start biting my face again.
But, this vidya demonstrates just how choad-a-rrific this man of god really is.
Jan Brewer
(courtesy ABC News)
The weathered, ridden-hard-and-put-away-wet governor of Arizona is the greatest of all lady choads. She loathes people of color, has a pointy-anointy claw that she likes to point at the POTUS; loves guns; probably has nudie pix of Sheriff Joe Arpaio; allegedly shits Coppertone; kicks puppies; has a law that says all bleeding women are pregnant; is considering running for a third term; more than likely believes in Henrietta Pussycat but not climate change; and finally, contrary to popular belief, did NOT star in “There’s Something About Mary.”
Same goes for the news producers who are using social media to get to Sandy Hook Elementary School children with the hopes of interviewing them. You’re a disgrace to my profession.
Oh, and Rep. Louie Gohmert? I got nothing. Fucking bastard.
Rush.
Finally, seek help, Mr. Fischer because you don’t know dick about God.
PS-I’ll be back to my regular wit and snark later this week. Thanks.
When it’s easier to get a gun than mental healthcare in this country, it’s time to nuke this place from space and start over.
I’d love to know just how many people (read: CHILDREN) have to die in the name of the oh-so-outdated and UNNECESSARY Second Amendment? Are guns that much more important than a healthy and productive society? Guns have no place in modern society–maybe that’s naive and if it is, fuck you.
The worst part is what happened today in Newtown will happen again and again before Obama and Congress decide to grow a pair and take the gun lobby on. This isn’t a time to cling to your personal rights, this is the time to put down your beloved gun, put on a brave face, and admit that YES, a well-armed society is a doomed society.
This is ridiculous, folks. Twenty children died today along with six adults. Don’t throw that tired, fucked-in-the-head “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people” mantra at me because it’s thoughtless, cruel and so shit-covered that the even the most hungry of species wouldn’t eat it to save itself. As of this week, concealed-carry is now a go in Illinois. I had such high hopes for my home state–hopes that we weren’t gonna have to watch the paranoia parade that the NRA and its minions have been goose-stepping around this country–take place on my home turf. But it happened and once again, the rights of weaponry trump the rights of humans.
Take a moment and look around you–we live in a society. Sure, there are bad elements here and there–I live in Chicago fer chrissake–which has the highest murder rate so far in the Land of the Free–but does this mean we have to arm ourselves to the rafters because of what MIGHT happen? If you’re that paranoid, take the money you were going to spend on a gun and a license, and pay for some sessions with a psychiatrist. If you still feel the same way about owning a gun because it’s your ‘right’, then you’re ‘brave’ enough to spend some time with a parent who lost a child today and tell him/her why your gun is so important.
“Eilman, a college student, was arrested outside an airport after behaving so badly that agents had called police. Eilman had developed bipolar disorder following an auto accident the previous year. She had not taken her medication and did not tell the police about her mental-health condition.
By phone, her mother and stepfather told officers about her disorder. They did not believe the stepfather and the officer who talked to her mother did not share the information.
Officers thought that Eilman was being difficult or was on drugs. In custody, Eilman alternated between calm and manic.
Officers released her into a neighborhood she did not know, near a public-housing project with an exceptionally high crime rate without returning her cell phone.
She was raped and either jumped or was thrown out a seventh-story window. She suffered permanent, serious brain damage. In a suit by her guardian under 42 U.S.C. 1983, the district court denied some of defendants’ claims of qualified immunity.
The Seventh Circuit reversed in part, noting that whether police should have understood Eilman’s need for medical care is a factual issue and that police may have made her situation worse by releasing her far from where she was arrested.”
Hmm..I smell the stench of Chicago Police Department cover-up.
I know, perish the thought! Word on the street is that both parties were talking settlement–something to the tune of $100 million. However, it appears that the city of Chicago would rather fight this than settle. Fighting it out hasn’t worked so well for the city in the not-so-distant past. Don’t believe me? Read my coverage of the Anthony Abbate Jr. civil trial at gapersblock.com.
This is a horrible case, but I’ll be there. Stay tuned.
History is one of my favorite subjects and since I was raised in the public school system, my knowledge of US history is strong while my knowledge of world history ain’t that great. Fortunately, studying history is in my blood — my father is a history buff and I am now embracing that “inheritance” full-on.
Then there’s my pal, Tom Sito. I worked with him at Disney Feature animation years ago, and we got along right away because of our quick wits and fondness for trivia and history. Sito sends out a daily history email, which I’ve been getting for about 15 years now and not only is it informative, it’s a HOOT.
One of the today’s entries is no exception.
96 A.D. ROMAN EMPEROR DOMITIAN ASSASSINATED.
Domitian was a crazy tyrant in the mold of Nero and Caligula. He once ordered all the fortunetellers, sorcerers, swamis and such driven out of Rome. Their guild got together and retaliated by doing a group prediction of Domitian’s assassination: Sept. 18th on the eleventh hour.
Domitian pretended not to care but on the day spent all day locked indoors with a sword under his pillow. He didn’t come out until his slaves and butlers assured him the eleventh hour had passed. Domitian came out and was promptly murdered by his slaves and butlers. They lied. It was the eleventh hour.
BUT WAIT! IT GETS WEIRDER … A Roman mob drags Domitian’s body through the streets on a hook and chain. They tried to stuff him into the sewer but he was too fat, so they tore the body to pieces and threw the chunks into the Tiber.
BUT WAIT! IT GETS EVEN WEIRDER!! The Roman Senate told his wife the Empress Valeria no hard feelings, if she needed anything…. She requested to be allowed to keep one statue of her husband in the Forum. The Senate approved. Unbeknown to them fishermen had fished out the pieces of Domitian. Valeria took the fish-knawed chunks to an Egyptian doctor and had him sew them back into something resembling a man. Then she told her artists to make a statue of the cadaver. This horrid statue she put in the forum to remind Roman’s of ‘their ingratitude’.
I'm from New York City. To you guys, that's just another name for Sodom. Y'all hate us city slickers because we're not honest, hard-workin', church-goin', "real" Amuricans. Yet my city, along with 3,000 people, took a big hit for you 11 years ago. Fuck you.
I believe that a person's race, religion, or sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with a person's right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A must-read post by one of my fave bloggers evah, Madame Weebles.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Also, I strongly suggest you read, follow and worship her blog--totally worth it and you'll get that warm feeling down there when you do.
Peace and love,
Julia
Why? Not to be Captain Obvious here, but Mitt is a target-rich environment. I could go on and on about his flip-flop-o-rama on issues such as healthcare, women’s reproductive rights, Medicare, Social Security et cetera, et cetera. But, y’all have seen, heard and shaken your heads in disbelief over his lack of character and integrity. Not to mention his craptastic attitude toward dogs.
Simply put, Gov. Romney is not fit for higher office.
Especially after his comments regarding yesterday’s horrible attacks on the US Embassy in Cairo, Egypt and the US Consulate in Benghazi, Libya which resulted in the deaths of four Americans, including US Ambassador to Libya, J. Christopher Stevens. The Obama Administration, and both Democrat and Republican lawmakers were quick to condemn the attack and subsequent American deaths. President Obama vowed to bring those involved to justice. Nothing political here, just the Commander-in-Chief doing his job.
Enter Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney. Now, protocol has it that during a time such as this when Americans were killed on foreign soil, a presidential candidate would also condemn the actions of a crazed mob and pray for justice, right?
Not so fast.
Instead, Mr. Romney spewed a common GOP talking point: President Obama is constantly apologizing to Muslims — as well as the rest of the world — for our behavior. Never once has this president apologized for American behavior. But, that doesn’t matter to Republicans–you know, the group that has such a hard-on for getting Obama out of office, they’re making up stupid shit on an hourly basis and cock-blocking him on legislation he’s put forth before Congress — even legislation that was initially birthed by the GOP. The problem is, the mouth-breathers who rely on Fox News as their oracle, will never find the courage to actually search for the truth. What these folks “see” is a Kenyan Muslim Socialist Marxist, not a man who saved the US auto industry, gave over 1 million people healthcare thanks to the ACA, killed Bin Laden, and signed the Lilly Ledbetter Act — to name just a few accomplishments.
I have PLENTY of issues with Mr. Obama which I’ll discuss at another time. He’s far from perfect, believeyoume, but he’s a better leader than Mitt Romney.
Here’s a snippet of what Mr. Romney said:
“I think it’s a terrible course for America to stand in apology for our values, that instead when our grounds are being attacked and being breached, that the first response of the United States must be outrage at the breach of the sovereignty of our nation. An apology for America’s values is never the right course.”
Oh boy. When they made you stupid, they made you real stupid, and not to mention, an insensitive choad.
I’m surprised by Mr. Romney’s ignorance and I’m not. He has no foreign policy experience, and in recent weeks has proven that lack thereof over and over again.
Just to give you an idea of how ignint Mr. Romney is, Colin Powell does a nice job of schooling him earlier in year –
What does Mr. Romney do after being criticized about his “oops” by the masters of his own party? He doubles-down, of course. Sad. I’m so glad he doesn’t know the launch codes.
Too bad he can’t retroactively retire today’s comments.
Pat Robertson deserves to infected with brain tapeworms. However, I think the worms would just be knockin’ around in his empty-as-fuck skull since it has become quite obvious in the past couple of decades that this man of God has shit for brains.
This ultimate third-rate con-man is now advocating moving to a country that not only allows, but encourages, wife beating: Saudi Arabia.
Why? The good vicar doesn’t believe in divorce and believes that wives should be subservient to their husbands. Oh and he doesn’t like Islam which is all kinds of weird since he doesn’t have a problem telling a Christian American to move to a, um, Muslim country so he can give his wife what-for and then some.
What was he doing during sex ed in junior high school? Wanking his pud? He’s yet another example of how the wing-nut arm of the Republican party has a bit too much power, influence and not enough intelligence or integrity to run for higher office. The sad thing is, he’ll probably win because this country is filled to the brim with morons.
Of course, he’s walking the remark back– sort of.
What’s even more vomit-inducing is he’s not alone in his beliefs.
If he beats Sen. McCaskill, then we get what we deserve.
