The Jiven’ Five: 10/9/13

Sorry I’ve been so quiet for the past week or so, but I’ve been busy…wait for it…WORKING. Yep, McCrabby managed to land herself a part-time–possibly temporary– gig. I can’t go into details just yet, BUT it does allow me share my gifts of writing, yapping and telling stories. Of course, the bottom could fall out and I’ll be back to keeping the couch down and yelling at kids to stay out of my liquor cabinet.

1) Ok, if I ever spied a man wearing such a tie, I’d have him arrested. This just screams douchebag.

A sampling courtesy of KickStarter.

A sampling courtesy of KickStarter.

Apparently, this new fangled neck wear is all the rage among …well… I don’t know who or what for that matter. Hmm..maybe I need another image. You know, one that shows the Shortti in action.

(courtesy KickStarter.com)

(courtesy KickStarter.com)

On second thought, I’m gonna have to slap on a big NO on this one.

Next!

2) Umm…..

(via Facebook/Business Insider)

(via Facebook/Business Insider)

I just got off the phone with my lawyer about going into the masturbation facility business. I’m gonna make a wad of cash building places where folks can quietly go blow their wads. And y’all thought I didn’t have any bidness sense. Haters.

Turns out our military industrial complex ain’t too keen on Marines choking the chicken and she-boppin’ all over Afghanistan. In fact, they’re so turned off by it that the powers-that-be concocted the above warning and posted it inside all of the porta-potties on the bases. Some on the inside think it’s a joke with one medic saying that you can’t get anything via semen (well one can get pregnant) unless an open wound happens to be in attendance. Eww. I couldn’t care less if Marines are playing with themselves..seriously. They’re in a shitty part of the world, fighting an even shittier war so why NOT let them diddle their puds every once in a while? Sheesh. It’s the least we can do.

3) I am very curious about this.

Screen shot 2013-10-09 at 9.31.24 AM

 

I’m morbidly curious. There, does that explanation sit better with you?

4) Oh goody. He’s single again.

(via altmalcontent.wordpress.com)

(via altmalcontent.wordpress.com)

Too bad he didn’t have the cajones to JUST age gracefully. He looks like one of my Il Bisonte handbags.

5) You really wanna know why I’m easing into veganism? Here’s one of the many reasons. H/t to Mother Jones.

40 Percent of Your Chicken Nugget Is Meat. The Rest Is…

bones, nerves, skin, feet, eyes, hair, claws, intestines, arteries, Republicans, herpes scabs, pus, scar tissue, Rick Santorum, afterbirth, varicose dick veins, egg shells, Brook Astor’s crotch, Pig Newtons, shedded snake skin, haggis, panty scrape, meconium, Putin’s asscrack sweat, Laplander jiz, Rice-A-Roni, John Boehner’s gin-soaked salty nutsack and pubic lice.

Ok, I went a titch overboard there, but you get the general idea. That shit’s bad for you.

 

 

Dawg Daze

Why, yes–I am back.

For the moment at least.

I’ve been buried in a story about this dead gal, and while it’s been quite the education, it has also taken over my life for the past month. I’m done and now I wait.

Yeah..yeah..yeah…I know we’re in the Dog Days of Summer and my three readers are probably either on vacation in Branson, or in prison. See, I figure that it’s been a while since I’ve paid any attention to this blog, it’s best that I don’t jump in–tits first–since most of my writing for the past month has been about serious stuff. I don’t know what’s funny anymore.

Fortunately, I have my fellow humans to once again prove to me that we live in a world that is always chock-full of weird and wacky shit. So, attention must be paid.

You know what? Sleep is so overrated. It is. Eight to 10 hours of shut-eye a night is for pussies. I’ve been an insomniac for years, and I’m not *quite* sure why my body/mind doesn’t require sleep, but I have a damn good idea as to what might be one of the many causes.

All I can say is HOLY FUCK.

New Spider from Laos Named after Actor Dominic Monaghan

I don’t give a red rat’s ass that there’s a spider named for some actor, it’s the fact that Mother Nature has decided that this world needs another fucking spider. Why a spider? WHY, DAMN YOU?!!? Is a new species of spider *really* necessary? Why not something harmless like a new horse species? Or an even hedgehog? (like that’s possible)

I’m off to buy a hermitically sealed house.

Oh… this kid needs therapy. Peepee whacking in this case should be done by someone with sharp stick. Yes, I understand this is what young lads do, but there is something fakakta about a ‘tween jackin’ it on mom’s Martex towels she got on special at Macy’s.

Yeah..yeah..yeah…Anthony Weiner. Big whup. You’re a choad, not because you were sexting (I mean really, who cares?), but because you said you weren’t going to do it anymore after your last very public “oops.” Plus, you think that New Yorkers are stupid, which we all know ain’t the case. True story–New Yorkers will always be the first ones to tell you just how smart they are. *YAWN.* What I love about this story is how the word ‘slutbag’ is now part of the McCrabass vernacular. The said thing is, Barbara Morgan will probably get a new job before I do.

I like this hed better: “Monkeys throw poo at selfish people.” Too bad the story isn’t about poo-flinging because that would be something I could get behind.

Finally, I am a journalist because I hope to cover a story like this someday soon.

Passenger said he only wanted to travel together with his ‘beloved’ pet
Screen shot 2013-08-02 at 8.48.17 PM

Aaaand I’m done.

 

Life’s 47% Pageant

Last night, I dreamed that this was me in my new, seizure-inducing living room.

(courtesy of worldofwonder.net)

Hey, it’s a huge improvement over the dreams I usually have where this character makes an appearance in one form or another:

(courtesy of wikipedia)

I know. Ouch. Somedays I’m Saturn, other days I’m his son. Either is a bummer no matter what.

This week marks yet another unpropitious anniversary–20 months of unemployment. Or, to reiterate what I said to my friend Braulio recently, it’s been a fucking weird year.

Meh.

I could bitch and moan about it, but what’s the point? I’ve got some freelance work that’s keeping me one step ahead of the law so mankind is safe for the time being. Plus, it’s much more fun to provide witty, acerbic yet caustic commentary on what’s been happening in the world lately. As we all know, there’s a plethora o’ material.

In. His. Wet. Dreams. Herman Cain is the gift that keeps on giving–kinda like herpes and his GOP brethren. When he says stuff like: “Stupid people are ruining America, and we’ve got to take it back” you know it’s time for him to return to making shitty pizza and leave the tough stuff like maintaining control of all four limbs and making actual decisions about big important things — like how to solve this country’s problems — to those who have a titch more experience in such matters. Knowing which type of pizza sauce is tastier, makes you an expert in, well, nothing.

Folks, Russia’s latest export is a super hot-model. Yep. I know. Yawn.

Let’s try this again.

Folks, Russia’s latest export is a super-hot model is a DUDE who looks like a CHICK.

Meet Stanyslas Fedyanin. He’s prettier than everyone ever. Kudos on mastering tucking your sack back.

(courtesy buzzap.jp)

And we’re back to Russia, or in this case, the Ukraine. They’re all the same to me. Anyway, that part of the world births some of the oddest shit.

Anastasiya Shpagina is no exception. Apparently, living a real life isn’t enough so she’s now an anime person or character or whatever fanboys call them. I don’t really know what that is either. Maybe the videos below will provide some sort of explanation.

FYI: Dziga Vertov would be disgusted by the horrible camera angles.

Hope this helps tame your latent-girls-dressed-as-anime-characters-fantasy, pervs. If these examples didn’t take away the schwing you’re feeling in your nether regions, you can always get some broad to dress up like an anime character–money is always a good enticement. This vid will show you both how! Just keep the volume at a reasonable level because we all know how well sound travels up from your mom’s basement. You wouldn’t want to interrupt her canasta tourney.

Wanking Roger.

Gentlemen, when you’re too lazy to give ye olde pud a wank, there’s this.

Sigh.

If you use it, I wouldn’t go about all willy nilly bragging about it. Masturbation is one of the few great rights we have left and if you’re not up for it, I’d keep it to yourself.

The Daily Wank

Raquel Welch — she’s been part of many a young person’s daily pud wank or finger bang since she first burst on the scene some 19 years after being born in Ravenswood Hospital. She’s stunning and looks damn good for 71 or for any age for that matter.

While she’s not the best actress around — but holy crap, I do LOVE “Mother, Juggs & Speed” — she has managed to keep her career going lo these many years by appearing in MOWs, films, posing nekkid  in Playboy (her daughter, Tahnee, followed in mum’s footsteps years later) and hawking her skincare/fitness secrets/wigs on the tee vee and beyond. What’s so great about her is she has a wonderful sense of humor about it all. Bravo, Rocky.

Then, there are the musical performances that include dancing, costumes and back-up dancers. Caught on tape.

I tried like hell to imitate Ms. Welch’s opening moves featured in the next clip, but I ended up on the floor with my hips packed in ice. So, don’t try any of these moves unless you have a spotter.

Enjoy!

Sliding down Crap Mountain

I worry about the future of this country.

Wait, scratch that. I worry about the future of the human race.

Why?

Read.

Courtesy of WetPaint.com

“Honey Boo Boo Child” Toddlers & Tiaras Star Gets Her Own Spin-Off

What the entire crap? I have no idea who this is because I’ve never watched this show. See, I have issues with embracing mediocrity so I don’t watch reality tee vee. Most of the folks featured on such shows are complete half-wits, and it disgusts me that they have jobs & make shitloads of shekels for being dicks on national tee vee. Meanwhile, I did all things right and am staring down 17 months of unemployment. Land of opportunity? Yeah, sure, if you’re a choad with big tits.

But, I digress.

“If a dollar makes her holler we can only imagine what Toddlers & Tiaras star Alana Thompson thinks of her new spin-off.

The breakout star of the controversial TLC show, who won her way into our hearts with her “honey boo boo child” refrain, has inked a new spin-off deal with TLC. Us Weekly reports that the show will be appropriately titledHere Comes Honey Boo Boo and will premiere with 6 half-hour episodes in August.

The show will reportedly take a look at the little girl behind the go-go juice, following around Alana and her family as they live their lives in rural Georgia. Alana’s family is no stranger to reality television, her mother was featured on Extreme Couponing before appearing on Toddlers & Tiaras.

If you are unfamiliar with Alana and her magical one-liners, please do yourself a favor and check out the video below. You will not regret it!”

Video: Must Watch: Toddlers & Tiaras’ Alana Steals Some Dollars to Make Her Holler

Alana’s new spin-off won’t be the first Toddlers & Tiaras spin-off. Tiny pageant queen Eden Wood landed her own spin-off, Eden’s World, on Logo, but the show has garnered mixed reviews and lackluster ratings. Alan’s spin-off will be the first TLC spin-off from their popular series.

All we want to know is why did it take so long for Alana to land her spin-off?”

Let me get this straight. Some dirt farmers in Georgia (of course), breed and give birth to a brat with blonde locks. So, they dress her up and pimp her out at those baby beauty pageants where she gets to strut her stuff (so wrong I wanna crap myself) and say sassy things to those around her, and watch her mom grow more chins.

Sometimes I wish I was born dumb.

This is a poor example of life imitating art. From Inquisitr.com

Vanderbilt Football Coach James Franklin: My Assistant Coaches Must Have Hot Wives

America has had enough of shitty behavior by those in charge of college football programs. While what Coach Franklin said wasn’t nearly as deplorable as what happened at Penn State, it just shows the level of the mind that is in a position of enormous influence over young men. It also shows that stupid begets stupid.

“James Franklin, the head coach of Vanderbilt University’s football team, apparently has an interesting screening process for potential assistant coach applicants. Forget a strong resume and a solid interview:  He wants to meet the wives to make sure they are attractive enough to qualify as  “Division 1″ recruits.

As reported by multiple media sources, Franklin went on a local Nashville radio station and said the following:

I’ve been saying it for a long time, I will not hire an assistant until I see his wife.  If she looks the part and she’s a D1 recruit, then you got a chance to get hired. That’s part of the deal.  There’s a very strong correlation between having the confidence, going up and talking to a women, and being quick on your feet and having some personality and confidence and being articulate and confident, than it is walking into a high school and recruiting a kid and selling him.

According to Yahoo! Sports, Franklin got his inspiration from the film MoneyBall where a baseball scout opines that “Ugly girlfriend means no confidence.”

There are so many things wrong with this sentiment. First, you’re not allowed to ask anyone in any type of job interview their marital status. It’s illegal.

When they made James Franklin stupid, they made him real stupid. He should lose his job over this “oops” but he won’t because college football rules all, sadly.

Second, the Moneyball reference. If the ‘hot girlfriends’ line was all he got from the film, then he missed the message and doesn’t deserve such a position of power. Oh, and if memory serves, Vanderbilt’s record ain’t that great so it’s probably not wise to rely on Hollywood to help you turn a 6-7 team into a winning one. If Franklin had stopped yanking his pud over his perceived awesomeness of the hot wives mantra, he might have learned that Billy Beane bypassed that recruiting philosophy because it’s horsehit. 

Finally, men like Franklin are dangerous to women. I know this type of man too well I’m afraid. Women, according to Franklin and his ilk, are only as valuable as their dress size. The smaller the size, the more they’re worth. They prove that sexism isn’t being bred out with each new generation.

Call me crazy, but the side of a highway is not a place I’d want to play with my kitty. I know, I know–SHOCKING.

But some women don’t have a problem with pearl diving as 18-wheelers go whizzing by. Especially this gal. Aaand, once again, Florida has the most people occupying Darwin’s Waiting Room (thanks Dennis Miller).

Woman Accused Of Masturbating On Florida Highway

Do you need my commentary on this one? No? Good because I’m too damn tired. Please read here for more info.

I need a drink and perhaps a sedative.

Forever pregnant

A few thoughts on Arizona’s brand, spankin’ new anti-choice law.

But first, a brief summary. Let’s see if I can get through this without wanting to gut myself with a Spork. I think I’ll let my pals at The Raw Story do it for me.

Jan Brewer signs abortion ban defining pregnancy before conception

You read that correctly, monkehs. According to Jan and her minions, all of us gals who are still dealing with menses are pregnant — right now.

Um ….

“Republican Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer on Thursday signed one of the most controversial and restrictive abortion bans in the country, which experts say effectively bans abortions after 18 weeks and declares that a woman could be pregnant 2 weeks before she even had sex.”

Oh holy fetus suction device, you’ve got to be kidding me. How Draconian must we get? And the GOP says there ain’t a war on women.

Of course, after ruminating about this for a titch, I had a few thoughts — with a little help from some friends.

Are maxi-pads and tampons considered baby blankets now?

If you say “Not tonight dear, I have a headache” are you, in effect, committing pre-meditated murder?

What about those folks who don’t believe in the Immaculate Conception?

If a woman is murdered, is the killer now responsible for two murders?

If you drink or take drugs at any time during your cycle (which is all the time) could you be locked up for endangering a fetus?

Eventually will new life start with a filthy thought? (if that was the case, I’d have a million chirrun running hither and yon)

Will there soon be anti-jackin’ it bills introduced in the Arizona Legislature to prevent male Arizonians from spilling their sacred seed? Can’t have one without the other, see.

What if you’re a eunuch? A castrato?

If you’ve had a hysterectomy, will you be considered a serial killer?

Will New Mexico now construct a large Abortion Plex near the Arizona/New Mexico border?

What about women who aren’t on the perfect 28-day cycle? How will they be ‘regulated’?

Will all stillbirths and miscarriages now be considered homicides?

Is cooking eggs now considered animal cruelty?

Is a douche now considered a weird kind of baby shower?

If you’re a post-menopausal woman, does that mean you’re eternally pregnant?

Knowing how Arizona feels about brown people, does this law apply to women of color too?

Does a uterine lining now get a social security number?

Finally …

Does the law really mean two weeks AFTER conception?

*thanks to Michael, Liza, Paul, Jennifer, Donald, Jeff, David B. et al. Big kisses!

Body shots

It’s been a while since I’ve done a ‘musings on random shit’ post. It’s not due to a lack of material because I’ve had some choice stories fly through my RSS feed. Sadly, I’ve been neglecting my writing since arriving in LA because of more pressing issues — both good and bad, of course. Today I decided it was time to dial up the snark and loosen up the reins. So, while I was browsing the news items earlier, I came across pieces that caused various reactions.

Have fun!

First, I love fashion. It may not look like it by the way I dress, but I admire those who design odd frocks that people want to wear. Wait … wait .. design EXPENSIVE, odd frocks that people want to wear. I understand that most haute couture pieces are works of art. I get it. I don’t admire those who wear these pieces — please. You’re not all that special. Those who deserve props are the designers. After all, they’re the delicate geniuses who came up with the designs in the first place. That, my friends, takes huge cajones.

So, imagine my surprise while I’m listening to the Dead and combing through fashion week photos on the Internets when I spied this lovely humdinger of a dress or … I … don’t … know …

Will someone please remind me to get my high beams checked? Thanks. Come to think of it, it IS a bit nippy outside today. BOO YAH! Does this dress make me look fat? Hey now! Time to pack my hips in ice. Whoa now!  I don’t know what else to say except that boobs are lost on some people.

And this photo reminds me too much of this shot. And no, I’m not cooking meth in my kitchen. Or snorting blow fish, I just have one of those types of imaginations.

Onward.

There are all sorts of fitness crazes out here. So far, I’ve run across the basics like yoga and boot camps, but I’m thrilled to see more and more MMA places joining the fray. Same with Pilates — not the fake, mat Pilates but the reformer, hardcore kind. However, during my travels, I’ve had fliers stuck on my windshield for different pole dancing schools in the LA area. Yep. My car. Not kidding. If the poor sap who’s being paid 8 cents an hour to litter cars with these brightly colored sheets of paper actually saw me, he’d probably run screaming from the parking lot and douse his eyes with bleach the first moment he had… just to get my visage out of his mental Rolodex. Can you blame him?

But I digress. I gotta give these ladies credit. It takes a lot of strength, flexibility and guts to do these moves. Couple that with being all nekkid and greased up, being pawed at by fat, married dudes from Rancho Cucamonga and you’ve got the recipe for major emotional fuckwittery. I’m sure what keeps these lasses going are the bills that get stuffed into their delicates, and the fact they get to wear some choice footwear. However, this little idea some uptight scaredy-twat is pushing inside the Beltway has bummed some of the ladies out big time.

Why didn’t I think of this?  Sometimes I don’t know where my head is at. Most electronic tablets only need one hand to use … yeah, you know where I’m going with this.

Next time I go to Florence, I’ll be sure to hit this museum because sometimes I’m not grossed out enough in my everyday life. Wonder which exhibit I’m speaking of? Here you go. Feel free to read more about it here.

 

 

One down …

It’s been a while since I’ve woken up to 70 degree weather — in January. Am I complaining? Hell no — especially since I know what kind of atmospheric fuckery is going on back home. This morning was spent contemplating my next few moves for ye olde career and getting used to the quirks of the apartment. I do think it’s haunted — I just hope my little apparition doesn’t turn into a wraith and drink all of my wine and eat my Trader Joe’s Molasses Chews.

Last night, I dined with my dearest friend, David at Casa Bianca Pizza in lovely Eagle Rock after he dropped off a box of my supplies I sent to myself — really, it’s not as masturbatory-fabulous as it sounds — my box was filled with droopy sweaters, tampons and various other sundries. The pizza was excellent, even better was the conversation — it was almost as if I had never left California lo those many years ago. But I did leave and the friendship changed, but there are some common threads left that are still quite strong. We’re different people from when we were roommates with Kimmie Kim at the Palazzo on Beverly Glen and Olympic, which is a good thing the more I think about it. Also, I don’t think any of us could survive the Lump again.

I drove in circles today — it’s safe to say I haven’t found my bearings quite yet. York Blvd. goes in all sorts of wacky directions and I’ve yet to find a news stand. The Trader Joe’s in my old hood is still hopping — so much so that a local lesbian hit on me in the cheese section. Yeaaahhh … you’re nice — mom-nice — but there will be no tapping of that. Wait … I’m in LA …. maybe I should consider it since things are different out here, it’s the land of fruits and nuts, dykes, trannies, d-girls, clowns and the Kardashians. They’re people too! C’mon! Hmm.. hmm.. NO. I love women, but I don’t LOVE women.

And on that note, time to worship St. Mattress.

Pristine privates

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS SALTY LANGUAGE AND IMAGES. IF YOU’RE EASILY OFFENDED, CLICK AWAY NOW!

Just when I thought I knew all about being a lady, I came across this tidbit.

“You And Your Sex Life: An

Illustrated Guide Book For

Women”

It’s from 1948. I’ll prove it.

A sampling:

“If you are a married woman and still find yourself indulging in masturbation to obtain an orgasm, there is something wrong with your marital relations. Try to work out an improved technique with your husband that will give you the sexual fulfillment you desire.” 

Marital relations? No wonder women played patty cake with themselves, and while we’re on the subject what’s wrong with women jackin’ it? Masturbation has been around for centuries. If god didn’t want the ladies to she-bop, he wouldn’t have invented fingers, long arms, and snatches. And let’s be honest here: sometimes sex just ain’t enough and, well, you get the rest.

I’ve jacked it three times since writing this post.

Kidding … maybe.

More, more, MORE.

“Many married women still masturbate but only because neither they nor their husbands know enough about the art of love to obtain full satisfaction  in the [WAIT FOR IT] normal act of coitus.” 

Coitus? No wonder married women masturbated back in the day. Who the hell would want to coit? Or whatever the root of coitus is? Sounds like something you need antibiotic ointment for after partaking in ‘sucky sucky for fi dollah’ while vacationing in Cambodia. 

I suggest reading the above link because I’m sure you haven’t seen the word ‘smegma’ in print in a long, long time — and you’ll want to see it to believe it. Now there’s a word that just isn’t used enough today.

******************************************************************

While we’re knee-deep in smut, let’s chat about manscaping.

Open up and say ahhh!

Manscaping is on my mind because of a post I came across earlier today courtesy of the Daily Beast.

Why ‘Manscaping’ Isn’t Just for

Porn Stars Anymore

As far as I’m concerned, mowing around the twig & berries was never just for porn stars or dudes who are part of the Provincetown Male Revue. Let’s face the bare facts here: Man bits are not that easy on the eyes. Add copious amounts of unruly brillo pad-esque hair and you’ve got a very hairy baby arm holding a puckered, rotten crab apple. Eww. I know, I know, you see that image every time you blink but it’ll subside with time. Or with a direct hit to the skull with a ball-peen hammer.

“The Atlantic reported this month that female pubic hair in America is on the road to extinction, but that’s a bit like noting the spotted owl is an endangered species. Grooming and waxing experts say the latest trend in pubic hair removal isn’t targeted at women—it’s for the guys. There’s evidence of this all around us (if you dare to look). The most startling aspect of seeing Anthony Weiner’s penis in a leaked iPhone sext earlier this year wasn’t its size, but that it looked like a plucked chicken. The same is true of other celebrities’ trimmed full-monty shots, from football player Brett Favre to Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz.”

Pete Wentz? They just had to go there. Hang on a sec, I’m imagining what Leo Sayer would look like naked. Hey, anyone is better than Pete Wentz. Also, I take issue with seeing the words ‘spotted owl’ and ‘female pubic hair’ in the same sentence. It reminds of the classic lyrics “One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong … “

(I don’t want the sweats to fall off either, folks.)

I’m all for manscaping. Plenty of us gals do the lady kind, so why shouldn’t men? I posed this question to my pal Squatty, and here’s what he had to say. (bless his brilliant wit and his, um, bare-man bits)

“There are highly educated pseudo-scientists idiots there called psychologists who have spun theories about this trend, linking male preference for hairlessness generally, and on female parts specifically, with “infantilism,” which is another completely fictional condition of their own manufacture. But I’d suggest the popular trend toward the porn star look suggests that this is nothing more sinister than evolving aesthetics, a change in opinion about beauty and sexual attraction. 

Idiots.  They never get it right.

Or maybe more men are shaving their nuts because of bedbugs.  Yeah, that must be it.”

Over and out.

Head of the class

Hey gals! Feeling bored with your current career, or are you just bored in general and need a new hobby? Check this out.

Here’s the ad in its full glory (read=unedited by McCrabass) since I’m sure it’ll be pulled from Craigslist soon.

(thanks to Anthony Burke Boylan for alerting me to this.)

12/5-12/19: PORN STAR TRAINING (CHICAGO)


Date: 2011-12-05, 7:26PM CST
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]


PORN STAR TRAINNING , FOR WOMEN ONLY * . Accepting new Female students of ADULT FILMS . All students must be at least 18 years of age , or Older ! ! ! The Average Woman ; who works in The ADULT FILM INDUSTRY is paid $500.00 per scene . But a Woman must have the acquired skills ; in filmming various scenes – such as : ORAL , TEASING , MASTURBATION , REVERSE COWGIRL , & ANAL … Sign-up and learn how to do : ORAL SCENES , ANAL SCENES , GIRL ON GIRL SCENES , REVERSE COWGIRL SCENES *** Disclaimer : We Do Not Pay , For Scenes – or Anything Else ! Learn how to DOGGIE STYLE – The Right Way ! Learn how to REVERSE COWGIRL – The Right Way ! Learn how to GIVE & RECEIVE GOOD ORAL – The Right Way ! Learn how to TEASE – The Right Way ! This is for Women ; who are interested ; in working in ADULT FILMS , or ADULT ENTERTAINMENT * . Classes are held on : SATURDAYS 12:00PM – 6:30PM ; SUNDAYS 12:00PM – 6:30PM ; MONDAYS 7:00PM – 10:00PM ; and TUESDAYS 7:00PM – 10:00PM . Location : CHEAP THRILLS PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO : 8223 South WOODLAWN Avenue , CHICAGO , IL. 60619 . Telephone : 708-582-0286 . E-mail : upocman@yahoo.com
  • Location: CHICAGO
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Class is in session!

Ok.. a couple of things caught my eye here. I do know this much about men — most don’t care how women “give and receive good oral” — most are thrilled at the effort and with the fact a woman is truly interested in pleasing them in this way … or so I’ve heard.

Same goes for teasing, anal and doggie-style … or so I’ve heard.

I know nothing of this “reverse cowgirl.” Time to watch some porn.

OR..

I could actually attend a class and learn the proper reverse cowgirl form. Hmm. I’m not working so why not? It’s a great way to learn how to make some sweet moola while learning some very marketable skills. And, if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 11 months of unemployment in a tight job market, it’s that a gal must have mad skills and be open to learning new things to make herself more attractive to employers — the mo’ unusual the mo’ better.

Just sent an email to the fine gent who posted this ad asking for more info. Stay tuned.

To add to above image, one of my fave album covers of all time.