A drop in the bucket

It seems like I’ve been all about cops these days.

One would think that the universe would give me a break on the cops-behaving-badly-storyline but apparently, that desire ain’t in the stars.

Of course it happened near Cleveland.

Courtesy of Cleveland.com

Dare gets 10 NE Ohio police officers in trouble

Seems *cough* innocent enough, right?

To emulate President Obama in the debate against that cuntdonkey Mitt Romney, “Please proceed, Governor.”

“MENTOR, Ohio (AP) — A veteran northeast Ohio police officer who put his head in a bucket of urine on a dare is being disciplined by his department, and nine colleagues who paid him for the task are being reprimanded.

The News-Herald in Willoughby (http://bit.ly/T32yKo ) reports an off-duty Mentor patrolman completed the dare last month, using a bucket from a makeshift urinal at a football game. Online video of the incident was reported to the city.”

Did someone say VIDEO? Why yes, they did. Sorry if my feigning surprise seemed phony in a Holden Caulfield kinda way, but I still suffer from this bad habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt.

And of course I’ve posted it for your viewing pleasure. FYI, it’s grody to the max.

Sooooo….the cops involved were reprimanded because they egged him on and each paid him fitty bucks to stick his noggin in a bucket o’ piss.

Let’s sit with this one a while. He, a grown man with responsibilities like carrying a gun and upholding the law, was dared to stick his head in a bucket of piss. Urine. Pee. Human waste. Recycled beer.

Apparently being a public servant ain’t what it used to be with the high pay, great bennies, huge fucking pensions and all. His friends felt the need to supplement his income but only if he worked for it. Now.. hmm…how could that be accomplished whilst drunk?

Let that wash over you while you also wade through this final tidbit:

“An investigator reported that several officers who were involved described the incident as “disgusting” but said they didn’t think it violated the department’s conduct code.”

So much for being a cop 24/7.

There is nothing left to say.

 

 

 

Theater of gross

**WARNING: THE VIDYAS/ARTICLES/PIX POSTED BELOW ARE DISGUSTING. HEINOUS. APPALLING. PUKE-INDUCING. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, CLICK AWAY. NOW. THANKS!****

There’s only so much job search crap I can do in one day. I scour the job boards, craft carefully worded cover letters and pepper my resumes with the appropriate key words so they make it past whatever heartless screening software most HR departments use. If I spent 8 hours a day looking for a job like Dr. Phil and the other, um, “experts” say I should, I’d be fat-alcoholic-heroin-addict.

But, I’d have great hair. That’s a given.

What do I do when I’m done looking for work for the day? I go for long walks/hikes, read a lot, write my book about my job search adventures and peruse the Internets for the absurd.

Oh, and the GROSS. The very, very heinous.

I’ve had to edit my choices down to three since I don’t want to be kidnapped and thrown into an open sewer in Mumbai due to someone being so offended they feel the need to dispose of McCrabass. Cholera and MRSA ain’t my thing, see.

Really now … if you’re reading this blog, you’re made of sterner stuff.

Prepare ye.

From ChinaSmack.com

Zoo Caretaker Licks Monkey’s Butt To Help It Defecate

I … I … wow. Um, wow.

It gets worse.

Wait for it …

Caretaker licks monkey’s butt for an hour to help it defecate

Now, it’s not the best dek since it’s almost exactly like the hed, but I’m going to put away my copy editing hat for a bit and just take it allllll in. So to speak. I suggest you do the same.

Yesterday, Wuhan Zoo Monkey caretaker Zhang Bangsheng unbelievably used his tongue to lick a small monkey’s butt!

50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng used warm water to clean a small Francois’ Leaf Monkey’s buttocks, then began using his mouth to lick it, not stopping for over an hour, until the little monkey defecated a single peanut. Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction.

As it is understood, this small Francois’ langur is only 3 months old, and is the first Francois’ Leaf Monkey to be born in nearly 10 years at this animal park. The Francois’ langur is a rare primate from Guangxi and Guizhou and is amongst the nation’s most protected animals. Because it is so precious, the zoo gave it to model worker and high-level expert Zhang Bangsheng to care for and raise.

So, you lick ass and you get a peanut. This chore mirrors one of my fave phrases: You pay peanuts and you get monkeys.

I hate peanuts now. And monkeys. And butt-lickers.

But, if someone licked MY ass for an hour, I wonder what would happen. Yeah, I said it.

On the first day of the “May 1st” short holiday, Zhang Bangsheng let the small Francois langur enter the monkey exhibit for the first time to meet visitors so it can see more of the world. The next day, Old Zhang discovered that the little monkey had indigestion and difficulty defecating, and immediately became worried. Seeing peanut shells on the ground, Old Zhang immediately understood that visitors had definitely tossed peanuts to the small monkey, and the toothless monkey swallowed the peanut whole. If it does not quickly defecate it, it would endanger the little monkey’s life.

Because the monkey is too small, it wasn’t suitable to use medicine to let it defecate. The only way was to lick its butt, to prompt it to defecate the peanut, and so the scene at the start of this article occurred.

That’s dedication. I hope they give this zoo keeper real food from now on. Or let his family out of whatever Chinese gulag they were in for whatever reason. Either way, this guy deserves some sort of prize and perhaps some type of bleach-based mouthwash. Oh and new teefus.

I wonder what the little monkey will use to throw at the tourists who are mocking it since it can’t shit properly?

Fuck me sideways – this is gross! I need a Silkwood shower after reading it.

There Will Be Blood and Pus

The following is beyond gross, but I can’t look away.

I’m so glad that Smell-o-Vision ain’t available on the Internets because I’m sure the stench of what you’re about to watch would cause your skin to melt.

I bet you don’t want to eat raw cookie dough, cottage cheese or Redi-Whip directly from the can ever again, eh?

The background chatter is what seals it for me. Apparently, cysts the size of Ayers Rock are not unusual for Gary. This begs the questions: Just HOW disgusting IS Gary? Has he ever been to a doctor? What does his diet consist of? Why are all heinous cyst/zit extractions done in a disgusting bathroom or in some trailer park? Why are there always screaming children in the background? Why are they ALWAYS rednecks or dudes looking like they’ve spent waaaay too much time in Purvis’s meth hut?

Betcha can’t stop watching it. It’ll haunt your dreams, I can guarantee it.

But wait! There’s more!

At least the kitteh was ok. But, I can’t help but think of the scene in The Fly. You’ll know what scene I’m talking about after you watch this next clip.

You’re welcome.

QUESTION

When do we get to pee on Dana Loesch?

Seriously. Ms. Loesch may be attractive but she’s a dolt. A little unsolicited advice from McCrabass here — urinating on corpses is not what America is about. We’re not sore winners. Your horrible attitude will set this country back about 50 years — we don’t need that right now.

Show a little compassion — even for those you know so little about.