Eau de Choad

(courtesy of ChicagoTribune.com)

William Beavers (courtesy of ChicagoTribune.com)

My apologies for not posting the past few days, and I’m sure my three readers are quite apoplectic about my absence. I’ve been covering a couple of YUUUUUUUUGE high-profile court cases in Chicago–all of which have been postponed until Dec. 17th and Jan. 31st.

For those of you who pay attention to the blood sport that IS Illinois politics, did you notice any familiar faces on the Beavers team? No? Yes? Short memories I guess. Sam Adam and Son are once again defending yet another notorious pol since they did such a bang up job with this one.

On a side note, I’ve interviewed Commissioner Beavers several times and next to this guy, he gives the best soundbites ever.

Daley pissed

Now onto the serious stuff.

I thought the Nuge would be either dead or in jail by now. I hate it when famous people don’t keep their word. It really creases me. He needs to have some sense knocked into him–perhaps by that wang dang sweet poontang he claims to have had once upon a time.

Perhaps someone should inform his ugly ass that most welfare recipients are, um WHITE.

Nugent: Budget deal should suspend welfare recipients’ voting rights

from Raw Story.

“Conservative rocker Ted Nugent is urging the Republican Party to “stop the insanity” and insist that voting rights be suspended for welfare recipients as a part of a larger budget deal.

In his Monday Washington Times column, Nugent ranted that talk about raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans proved that Washington was a “financial insane asylum.”

“What we need is a wholesale, top-to-bottom assessment of the federal government, and then we need to slash and burn all Fedzilla departments, agencies and offices that are not constitutionally required or deemed vital,” he wrote. “This should be fundamental before any deals are cut regarding new taxes.”

I don’t know what is more disturbing–his room temperature IQ when it comes to, well, everything, the fact that people still pay attention to him OR that he has an actual newspaper column.

The 1970s called–it wants Nugent back. Shit, he should never, ever be allowed to leave that decade. Let him fuck teenage girls, live out his Vietnamese girl fetish and shoot defenseless animals in peace–just leave the real stuff to people who actually know what the fuck they’re talking about. If the GOP had any sense (I know, I know, I saw it), they’d stuff his maw with some sweet poontang then tape it there so he’s unable to do anything else EVER. But they won’t since today’s GOP is a big bunch of pussies.

Or, better yet, play him this.

NEEEEEEEXT!

The Choad Menagerie

You’re probably hoping that this particular post is the McCrabass version of Tennessee Williams’s classic “The Glass Menagerie”, but it isn’t.

Simply put–I am here to crush your dreams once again.

The nice thing is that once I get going on this post, you’ll see why it has been awarded this particular hed.

Who here has heard of Kerry Bentivolio? Anyone? His grand plan is to be the Republican rep in Congress for Michigan’s 11th district which was left vacant after former-Rep. Thaddeus McCotter abruptly resigned in July. He’s not your run-of-the-mill-Republican (whatever that means) either, he’s much more fun. (fun in a herpes-outbreak kinda way)

Kerry Bentivolio (courtesy liberty-candidates.org)

From DetroitYes.com:

On the first day of school last year, Kerry Bentivolio told students in his English class at Fowlerville High School that he had one goal: to make each one of them cry at least once.
……..
Nine months later, school administrators reprimanded him for intimidating and threatening students by grabbing their desks and yelling in their faces or for slamming his fists on their desks.

Oh it gets so much better. Yeah, um…. I’ll just let youse guys read it. From Politico.com

The brother of Kerry Bentivolio says the Michigan congressional candidate, who’s favored to win on Tuesday, is “mentally unbalanced” and could end up in jail.

“I’ve never met anyone in my life who is conniving and dishonest as this guy,” Phillip Bentivoliosaid, according to the Michigan Information and Research Service   (subscription required). “He’s my brother so it’s hard to talk about this, but I believe that if he gets elected, he’ll eventually serve time in prison.”

Kerry Bentivolio is the Republican candidate in Michigan’s 11th district, running to replace Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, who failed to secure enough valid signatures to qualify for the ballot.

Kerry Bentivolio is a Santa Claus impersonator and reindeer farmer. He made headlines after old court documents surfaced quoting him saying he had a “problem figuring out which one I really am, Santa Claus or Kerry Bentivolio.”  He’s running against Democrat Syad Taj.

Philip Bentivolio said that in 1992, he helped his brother build houses in Arkansas and Kerry owed him $20,000. This month he told Kerry he would go to the media with the story if he did not get paid, and Kerry then said he called the FBI and the Little Rock Police Department.

“He told them that I told them that if he didn’t send me money, I was going to kill myself,” Phillip Bentivolio said. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Kerry Bentivolio said that his brother has “serious mental issues” and that the FBI was looking into his brother’s request for repayment 20 years after the fact.

Kerry Bentivolio reminds me of the crazy uncle you see once a year at family gatherings. And, because of your strong sense of family coupled with WASP guilt, you’re forced to spend “quality time” with him which will ensure that the karma train doesn’t mow you over during a future run. Watching him pound Jack & Cokes would be similar to watching cement harden. He also strikes me as the type of uncle who gives the female relatives WET KISSES, but not on the cheek, oh no! Them smooches are bound for your beak, hon, and it’s best just to let it happen then start pounding French 75s to help douse the image of his maw careening toward your pucker out of your mental Rolodex. Um, I speak from experience as a matter of fact.

Back to the feud de Bentivolio Brothers. Holidays are probably rough at the Bentivolio manse. Also, I’m quite verklempt on the whole “I don’t know if I’m Kerry Bentivolio or Santa Claus” bit. It’s .. it’s … it’s just …. yep.

I’m gonna go on the record and say that if Obama was a white dude, this shit wouldn’t be spewing forth from the Mayor of 9/11 and his ilk. I’m waiting for Rudy to take credit for the clean-up of NYC post-Sandy. You know it’s gonna happen and here’s a pre-emptive ‘shuttie’ to him.

julesagray:

Totally sexist comment coming up: If Ann Coulter was unattractive, no one would give her airtime or publishing contracts. However, since she has stringy blonde locks that are in dire need of hot oil treatment, everything she spews out of her maw is considered golden. Conservative men now have something else to wank their puds to–instead of their old stand-by: Reagan’s Inauguration Addresses on a loop.
What a horror of human being she is.

Originally posted on King of States!:

A man with Down’s Syndrome wrote this incredible response to National Disgrace Ann Coulter, who does not deserve this gentleman’s time of day.

He was far more diplomatic than Ann Coulter deserves, and is dissuading me from publishing the open letter I’d been planning on:

Dear Ann,

Eat shit and die.

Best,
Me

I realize that my letter is not very effective as a riposte, so I’m just going to go with “What he said.”

Ann Coulter: Making People Embarrassed To Be Human Since 1961

View original

“If you wanna run with the big dogs …. “

” … you gotta learn how to shit in the tall grass.” My sage advice to Mr. Romney, courtesy of my late-Southern gentleman grandfather.

The presidential campaign is well underway and we’re already seeing some world-class bitching, pissing and moaning (and not to mention straight-up lying) from the Mitt Romney campaign. Oh, but Mitt’s whining is epic.

Last week, Boston Globe reporter Christopher Rowland wrote a great story about how Mr. Romney left Bain later than the “official” 1999 date. Of course, Mr. Romney and his minions got their tighty whities in a bunch about the “accusations” (SEC filings sporting Mr. Romney’s name past 1999 aren’t “accusations”) and demanded the Globe print a retraction. The editor said no, of course, since the story was reported using cold, hard facts.

Bravo to the Globe and to Mr. Rowland to not bowing to the pressure of a billionaire who happens to be the former gov of Massachusetts.

Of course, the Obama campaign took this info and ran with it. And rightly so. In a recent interview, President Obama said  — paraphrasing here — that if Mr. Romney wants to use his success at Bain as his ticket to fixing the economy, he’s got to be completely open and honest about his entire tenure at the company, not just certain years. Oh and he has to release all of his tax returns.

Now, Mr. Romney is demanding that the President apologize for his comments, a request that met with a resounding NO from the POTUS. Why should he apologize? ‘Tis all fair game, correct? I mean, Mr. Romney is on the steering birther wagon by not disputing the whack-job part of the base that’s deep in his corner..you know which part I’m talking about — the folks who STILL believe the President wasn’t born here. By not slapping those folks down by doing what McCain did during the ’08 campaign (Google “Crazy McCain Lady”), and by  trying to keep Bain from being uttered by reporters during pressers, just proves that he lacks the courage and the integrity to lead this great country.

Mr. Obama’s unemotional yet firm NO is to be expected. He knows that there are other things that need attention during this campaign, so others are telling Mr. Romney to put his big boy pants on. My fab fave comment comes from my mayor — Rahm Emanuel on ABC’s “This Week”:

“Stop whining,” Emanuel said. “If you want to claim Bain Capital as your calling card to the White House, then defend what happened at Bain Capital.”

Mayor Rahm gives good face (courtesy of gawker.com)

Now that Rahm has spoken, can we please get back to the important issues?

Election Season Follies Part One: Shitstorm in Chicago

There are roughly six months until the presidential election and we’re already witnessing some of the most disgusting, fucked-up, asshole behavior by some of our fellow Americans.

Joe Ricketts (photo from USA Today)

Earlier in the week we heard about the this race-baiting bomb of crap ad campaign that was perpetrated by the patriarch of the family who owns the Chicago Cubs. The Super PAC that Papa Ricketts is funding failed to take into account that the Ricketts fam is desperately trying to get Illinois tax payers to foot the bill for the multi-million dollar Wrigley Field rehab.

Oops.

There’s one thing you don’t do if you want to survive: You don’t fuck with Chicagoans.

We have long memories and rugged attitudes when it comes to folks who try to shit on the city, its denizens and especially its beloved Cubbies. Oh, and we don’t take kindly to anyone — especially well-known, high-profile Chicago businessmen — who diss the President of the United States who, um, also hails from Chicago. (NOTE: I’m not a baseball fan at all, but out of respect for my friends, I’ll hold off on my opinions about the sport & the Cubs.) The team is actually owned and run by two of  Joe Ricketts’s children — daughter Laura who’s active in the LGBT community and is a bundler for the Obama campaign; and her brother Tom, who’s the CEO of  Chicago/Boca Raton, FLA. investment bank, Incapital LLC and is a director of TD Ameritrade Holding Corporation (father Joe founded the company). In 2006, the other brother, Peter Ricketts ran for US Senate in Nebraska against incumbent Democrat Ben Nelson on the anti-gay marriage, anti-LGBT and anti-abortion train. Mr. Ricketts was soundly defeated.

UPDATE: 4:25 PM, PT. I forgot about Todd Ricketts. Here’s his bio, thanks to Deadspin.com:

“Todd Ricketts, the cool one: Todd’s 42, the baby of the family. He’s on the board of the Cubs. He lives in Chicago. He jokingly called himself “the rebellious one” because he didn’t attend University of Chicago for undergrad—he went to Loyola University—and he dropped out of U of C’s Booth business school before he finished his MBA. But as far as Ricketts siblings go, he’s got cultural cred. He did an episode of Undercover Boss. He owns some bike shops and picks his kids up from school on a bike. He’s on the Ameritrade board, but he’s only on one committee. He gave a little money to three Republicans—Mitt Romney and Illinois Reps. Bobby Schilling and Adam Kinzinger—but he hasn’t run for office.”

I watched as Mayor Rahm Emanuel did his best to control himself as he spoke to the media about the Ricketts’s-backed plan:

“I don’t think that’s fitting in a campaign of any nature,” Emanuel said. “You can have disagreements without being disagreeable.”

“America is too great a country with too great a future with the content they are talking about,” added the mayor. “And it’s insulting to the president, it’s insulting to the country.”

I’m surprised he showed such restraint, but I bet behind closed doors he was swearing like a longshoreman, or like my mother, or let’s face it — LIKE ME.

And, I love the fact that Mr. Emanuel refused to speak with Cubs Chairman Tom Ricketts when he phoned the mayor.

There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with Mr. Obama or with anyone for that matter. It’s our right as Americans to voice our dissent — it’s the most patriotic act one can do — short of joining the military. Also, disagreeing with Mr. Obama and his policies does not make one a racist. That argument doesn’t have legs anymore. It’s reactionary and all it does is cause people to shut down. It’s a classic turd-stirrer and counterproductive.

I don’t agree with all of his policies either. Racist? Fuck you & fuck no. I just happen to hate war and pandering to Wall Street and big oil, and screwing the environment — but hey, that’s just me.

However, what the Ricketts Plan was calling for was filled with vitriol and 4-year old arguments that don’t hold water anymore. We’re not that dumb, Mr. Ricketts, and all you did was show the world how desperate you and the Republican party are. Hiring a conservative, well-spoken blac radio host or media personality to go up against Mr. Obama? Paying black business leaders to say Mr. Obama’s bad for business? Aaaaand that’s not racist how?

Oh and yes, let’s dig up Rev. Wright since that was so successful the first time around when Hillary Clinton brought it up when she was running against Mr. Obama. If Mrs. Clinton couldn’t capitalize from it, then no one can.

Rev. Jeremiah Wright (source: mediaoutrage.wordpress.com)

What this shows is that truth no longer matters to the Republican party. Why aren’t the Republican leaders repudiating this plan? Mr. Romney gave a namby-pamby response some hours after being asked about it. I have a feeling while he was jetting to his next campaign stop, he was being re-programmed.

Let us not forget that Mr. Romney is a member of a church that isn’t exactly pro-minorities, pro-woman and hates gays.

Let us not forget that on Sean Hannity’s radio show back in February, Mr. Romney talked about the importance of bringing up Rev. Wright again since it was “obvious” to Mr. Romney that Mr. Obama was touting making America “less of a Christian nation.”

Plus, it’s been proven that Mr. Romney and Mr. Ricketts are pals and it wouldn’t surprise me if the soon-to-be-GOP candidate was well-aware of what the Super PAC was planning.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s gonna get real ugly on both sides before November.

Too bad Joe Ricketts didn’t have the forethought to dump that money into the Cubs.

Knit one, pussy two

I need to learn how to knit.

Sadly, it’s a civic duty these day since some of our esteemed lawmakers are taking it upon themselves to decide what us gals can do with our breeding parts. Some liken us to farm animals, others want us to watch an abortion before we make that wrenching (read: personal) yet LEGAL DECISION to have one and finally, others want to limit our access to birth control.

(Side note: what the fuck is wrong with Arizona?) 

Apparently we’re no better than cattle and other four-legged creatures that inhabit farms n’ shit.

What does this have to do with knitting you ask? Earlier, I came across this brilliant plan.

The Snatchel Project

Let’s make a uterus or VJJ for each male rep in congress!

The idea behind this is simple and genius: Keep the government out of our lady parts, but if you feel you must play around with our uteri, why here’s one of your own! It’s soft, and kinda pretty and informative — and the one that looks like a labia can be used for practice (shudder) since I’m sure that most of these women-haters have no idea how to ‘work’ it! Also, if we do decide to use birth control, we’re not sluts, whores, strumpets, harlots, skanks, loose, etc. We have a right to make our own decisions about our lives, y’all don’t. So, piss off (that’s my editorial comment, not the owners of http://www.governmentfreevjj.com/ , or maybe it is, they’re just classier than I am, (s)natch).

The sad thing is, most of Reps won’t get it and will probably give these to their farm animals to use as chew toys.