Shut. It. Down. 9/30/13

I’m tired and worn out from monitoring the shitfest that is Congress, so here’s a post before the lights go out. Yes, I love y’all that much.

Oh and there’s lots of salty language and general pissy-ness in this post due to what’s going on in D.C.

1) **Sarcastic slow clap for Congress.**

The shenanigans that have been going on during the past few days are completely ludicrous, embarrassing and yes, racist. Okay folks…lemme ‘splain one more time: We have a Black President, it’s time to get the fuck over it. The ACA is the law of the land, and acting like a bunch of whiny little pricks because you can’t control everything is so detrimental to this country and not to mention, democracy. What creases me is Congress–whose approval rating is hovering around 10 percent–is being controlled by a minority of dumbfuck ‘muricans who don’t know their assholes from their eyeballs. This seriously makes me wanna vomit.

2) Musical interlude.

3) A great American city is on life support. 

(via HumanEvents.com)

(via HumanEvents.com)

I came across this excellent photo essay today via the Daily Mail/UK.

Ghosts of students past: Fascinating pictures of a derelict Detroit school… mixed with evocative images from its heyday

(via Detroiturbex.com)

(via Detroiturbex.com)

  • Photos of Cass Technical High School in Detroit, Michigan, whose alumni include Diana Ross and Jack White
  • School moved to new building in 2005 which left original facility empty and it was later demolished last year
  • Largest school in Michigan by 1942 with 4,200 students attending eight-storey brick and limestone building

Click through this collection–the photos are stunning and humbling. The sad thing is, this could feasibly happen in every major city in the country if we’re not careful.

4) Hey, being born white is one helluva personal achievement. Where I fucked up is I WASN’T BORN MALE. What a filthy slut I am!

Via AutoStraddle and Jezebel.

Who’s Really to Blame for the Looming Government Shutdown? Sluts.

Yeah, a bunch of dried up white men with shriveled peens who probably haven’t had sex since Reagan was in power, are thinking about my cooch and how they can fuck with it without having to actually fuck it. Talk about a wasted hard-on, but in all seriousness, who would want to diddle these dudes? See, that’s why they’re pissed off–no self-respecting woman would EVAH see any of the conservative members’ members.

Bite me.

5) Apparently, there are folks out there who pay shit-tons of money to watch this.

(via ExtraLunchMoney.com)

(via ExtraLunchMoney.com)

It’s called CAKE SITTING. Yes. It is. True story. Do you really need me to explain it with words? I think not.

(via ixdaily.com)

(via ixdaily.com)

I’ve been looking for new revenue outlets and this might be the one for me. I like to bake and I like to sit. Sounds like a match made in heaven to me!

The Choad Menagerie

You’re probably hoping that this particular post is the McCrabass version of Tennessee Williams’s classic “The Glass Menagerie”, but it isn’t.

Simply put–I am here to crush your dreams once again.

The nice thing is that once I get going on this post, you’ll see why it has been awarded this particular hed.

Who here has heard of Kerry Bentivolio? Anyone? His grand plan is to be the Republican rep in Congress for Michigan’s 11th district which was left vacant after former-Rep. Thaddeus McCotter abruptly resigned in July. He’s not your run-of-the-mill-Republican (whatever that means) either, he’s much more fun. (fun in a herpes-outbreak kinda way)

Kerry Bentivolio (courtesy liberty-candidates.org)

From DetroitYes.com:

On the first day of school last year, Kerry Bentivolio told students in his English class at Fowlerville High School that he had one goal: to make each one of them cry at least once.
……..
Nine months later, school administrators reprimanded him for intimidating and threatening students by grabbing their desks and yelling in their faces or for slamming his fists on their desks.

Oh it gets so much better. Yeah, um…. I’ll just let youse guys read it. From Politico.com

The brother of Kerry Bentivolio says the Michigan congressional candidate, who’s favored to win on Tuesday, is “mentally unbalanced” and could end up in jail.

“I’ve never met anyone in my life who is conniving and dishonest as this guy,” Phillip Bentivoliosaid, according to the Michigan Information and Research Service   (subscription required). “He’s my brother so it’s hard to talk about this, but I believe that if he gets elected, he’ll eventually serve time in prison.”

Kerry Bentivolio is the Republican candidate in Michigan’s 11th district, running to replace Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, who failed to secure enough valid signatures to qualify for the ballot.

Kerry Bentivolio is a Santa Claus impersonator and reindeer farmer. He made headlines after old court documents surfaced quoting him saying he had a “problem figuring out which one I really am, Santa Claus or Kerry Bentivolio.”  He’s running against Democrat Syad Taj.

Philip Bentivolio said that in 1992, he helped his brother build houses in Arkansas and Kerry owed him $20,000. This month he told Kerry he would go to the media with the story if he did not get paid, and Kerry then said he called the FBI and the Little Rock Police Department.

“He told them that I told them that if he didn’t send me money, I was going to kill myself,” Phillip Bentivolio said. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Kerry Bentivolio said that his brother has “serious mental issues” and that the FBI was looking into his brother’s request for repayment 20 years after the fact.

Kerry Bentivolio reminds me of the crazy uncle you see once a year at family gatherings. And, because of your strong sense of family coupled with WASP guilt, you’re forced to spend “quality time” with him which will ensure that the karma train doesn’t mow you over during a future run. Watching him pound Jack & Cokes would be similar to watching cement harden. He also strikes me as the type of uncle who gives the female relatives WET KISSES, but not on the cheek, oh no! Them smooches are bound for your beak, hon, and it’s best just to let it happen then start pounding French 75s to help douse the image of his maw careening toward your pucker out of your mental Rolodex. Um, I speak from experience as a matter of fact.

Back to the feud de Bentivolio Brothers. Holidays are probably rough at the Bentivolio manse. Also, I’m quite verklempt on the whole “I don’t know if I’m Kerry Bentivolio or Santa Claus” bit. It’s .. it’s … it’s just …. yep.

I’m gonna go on the record and say that if Obama was a white dude, this shit wouldn’t be spewing forth from the Mayor of 9/11 and his ilk. I’m waiting for Rudy to take credit for the clean-up of NYC post-Sandy. You know it’s gonna happen and here’s a pre-emptive ‘shuttie’ to him.

Very Presidential

The finish line for the presidential election is in sight and thank fucking dog for that.

I don’t know about y’all, but this particular election season has been tough to take –even for a political junkie like myself. The decision for me was easy because I knew who I was going to vote for after pulling the lever in the previous presidential election. For those of you who don’t know me very well, let’s just say I rather enjoy having complete reign over my lady parts, and I care about what happens to those less fortunate than myself–even those folks who don’t look like me.

I wish I had stocks to sell to pay for my education, and hopefully someday I’ll be able to do it. When that day comes, I know I’ll still be on the side of all Americans, not just rooting for a select few who buy shit like helicopters, strap dogs to car roofs and pal around with NASCAR team owners.

To cut some of the nastiness of the past few months, here’s some presidential tidbits, trivia and other fun stuff to enjoy.

Who knew the 8th President of the United States would inspire a group of ne’er-do-wells to form a street gang in his name? I had no idea he was so mean, but Kramer did.

George learns how mean the Van B Boys are the hard way.

President Van Buren would be so proud.

Big meanie: President Van Buren (courtesy nndb.com)

Size doesn’t matter. The 4th President, James Madison, was the tiniest. He weighed about a buck and standing at a mere 5’4″, he coulda been a jockey if he desired. Standing at 6’4″, the tallest was Abraham Lincoln. President William Howard Taft was the most zaftig so far, weighing in at about 3 bills. Once President Taft got stuck in the White House bathtub and after being set free from his porcelain prison, he ordered a new one installed. This new tub could hold 4 grown men.

President Taft (courtesy funwithhistory.wordpress.com)

Age before beauty. The oldest was the Gipper (69) and the youngest elected was JFK (43). But the youngest POTUS to serve was Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy took over for President McKinley after McKinley was shot dead by an anarchist in September 1901. Teddy was 42 when he took over the top spot in politics.

The sporting life. President Benjamin Harrison was the first POTUS to attend a baseball game–the Cincinnati Reds vs. the Washington Senators (the Reds won). President Taft was the first prez to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. This became a regular occurrence for all presidents, with one exception–Jimmy Carter. Oh, and John Quincy Adams loved to get all nekkid and swim in the Potomac each morning.
There goes my erection.
Geo Washington, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams all had one thing in common–besides diddling lady slaves–they adored, collected and played marbles.

Knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door. Four presidents were assassinated while in office: Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley and JFK. Six others were much luckier and survived attempts on their lives: Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, Truman, Ford and the Gipper. Four others bought the farm whilst POTUS: Harrison succumbed to pneumonia one month to the day, after making the longest inauguration speech EVER. Zachary Taylor’s gut exploded 16 months after taking office in 1850. Major poon hound and the leader of  one of the most scandal-ridden administrations, Warren Harding, died suddenly in August 1923. The official party line was he died from a heart attack, but rumor has it his better half poisoned him because she was sick of him playing hide the presidential sausage with other ladies. The second and third presidents, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, respectively, died on the same day: July 4, 1826.

Smokin’ hot dead POTUS

Et cetera. Tricky Dick was the first president to visit all 50 states. Teddy Roosevelt was the first POTUS to travel abroad (Panama Canal), Slick Willie took 133 trips out of the country–the most of all presidents. President Roosevelt was the first one to fly on an aero-plane. That was in 1943. The Commonwealth of Virginia birthed the most presidents (8), while 31 states haven’t had one yet. The first POTUS born a US citizen was Martin Van Buren. The others before him were fuzzy ferriners.

Thoughts on 2016. Are you kidding? I don’t have any idea as to who I’ll back in 4 years. I just want to get through this one alive and stay on the right side of the law. But, I DO have an idea as to who should throw his besotted cap into the ring: Dave Tillis.

“Get in the ring”

It’s no secret that I follow politics. Why do I torture myself you ask? Oh, because I’m an emotional cutter.

But, seriously, I follow politics because I love studying human behavior– especially the magic knickers, Kenyan birth certificates, dressage horses, videos from 1998 that have nothing to do with nothing, et al. It’s all fascinating to me.

Each presidential election cycle is more whacked-out than the previous one, and as we draw closer to Election Day, I find myself saying on an almost hourly basis “Well, just when I thought it couldn’t get any whackier, ______ happens.”

In this particular case, ______ is our favorite pearl clutcher, Ann Romney. Take a listen to the clip below from an interview Mrs. Romney gave to an Iowa radio station yesterday. The fun starts about 1:23 in.

http://www.radioiowa.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/AnnRomneyInterview.mp3

So, this got me thinking (I know, there I go, working without tools again)….Hmmm…

Sure, I can go into the usual talking points about how her husband is basically a spineless chump who is shaking his campaign Etch-A-Sketch on a daily basis, or how he’s pandering to a particularly dangerous segment of his base who believes that Obama wasn’t born here, but that’s just too easy. Plus, it’s been done.

Instead, I’ve decided to have some fun with “Stop it. This is hard” and Mr. Romney’s recent 47 percent gaffe. You’ll see and please, feel free to join in on the fun.

“Stop it. This is hard. Sometimes I have to drive one of my many Cadillacs through neighborhoods inhabited by 47 percenters in order to get to one of my mansions. I don’t like white-knuckling it.”

“Stop it. This is hard. I had a horse in the Olympics and it was so difficult making sure he had the correct hoof polish.”

“Stop it. This is hard. I didn’t know what to do with the tax write-off Rafalca  awarded us, so I bought some fur-lined mom jeans for Mitt.”

“Stop it. This is hard. You try having conversations with some of your husband’s 47 percenter campaign staffers! I LOATHE talking to serfs!”

“Stop it. This is hard. I have to pretend I like people who aren’t exactly like me.”

“Stop it. This is hard. We had to sell stock to get to this place.”

“Stop it. This is hard. You try being married to a man who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.”

“Stop it. This is hard. You know how difficult it is to get John Boehner to cry about someone he doesn’t give a red rat’s ass about?”

“Stop it. This is hard. Why didn’t those bitches at the RNC 2012 believe my insincere “I love you” during my duller-than-paste speech?”

“Stop it. This is hard. I just learned that some LGBT folks have families. They’re ruining my America.”

If I had a nickel for every time the Romneys said something stupid, I’d be in their tax bracket.

Aaaand SCENE.

Election Season Follies Part One: Shitstorm in Chicago

There are roughly six months until the presidential election and we’re already witnessing some of the most disgusting, fucked-up, asshole behavior by some of our fellow Americans.

Joe Ricketts (photo from USA Today)

Earlier in the week we heard about the this race-baiting bomb of crap ad campaign that was perpetrated by the patriarch of the family who owns the Chicago Cubs. The Super PAC that Papa Ricketts is funding failed to take into account that the Ricketts fam is desperately trying to get Illinois tax payers to foot the bill for the multi-million dollar Wrigley Field rehab.

Oops.

There’s one thing you don’t do if you want to survive: You don’t fuck with Chicagoans.

We have long memories and rugged attitudes when it comes to folks who try to shit on the city, its denizens and especially its beloved Cubbies. Oh, and we don’t take kindly to anyone — especially well-known, high-profile Chicago businessmen — who diss the President of the United States who, um, also hails from Chicago. (NOTE: I’m not a baseball fan at all, but out of respect for my friends, I’ll hold off on my opinions about the sport & the Cubs.) The team is actually owned and run by two of  Joe Ricketts’s children — daughter Laura who’s active in the LGBT community and is a bundler for the Obama campaign; and her brother Tom, who’s the CEO of  Chicago/Boca Raton, FLA. investment bank, Incapital LLC and is a director of TD Ameritrade Holding Corporation (father Joe founded the company). In 2006, the other brother, Peter Ricketts ran for US Senate in Nebraska against incumbent Democrat Ben Nelson on the anti-gay marriage, anti-LGBT and anti-abortion train. Mr. Ricketts was soundly defeated.

UPDATE: 4:25 PM, PT. I forgot about Todd Ricketts. Here’s his bio, thanks to Deadspin.com:

“Todd Ricketts, the cool one: Todd’s 42, the baby of the family. He’s on the board of the Cubs. He lives in Chicago. He jokingly called himself “the rebellious one” because he didn’t attend University of Chicago for undergrad—he went to Loyola University—and he dropped out of U of C’s Booth business school before he finished his MBA. But as far as Ricketts siblings go, he’s got cultural cred. He did an episode of Undercover Boss. He owns some bike shops and picks his kids up from school on a bike. He’s on the Ameritrade board, but he’s only on one committee. He gave a little money to three Republicans—Mitt Romney and Illinois Reps. Bobby Schilling and Adam Kinzinger—but he hasn’t run for office.”

I watched as Mayor Rahm Emanuel did his best to control himself as he spoke to the media about the Ricketts’s-backed plan:

“I don’t think that’s fitting in a campaign of any nature,” Emanuel said. “You can have disagreements without being disagreeable.”

“America is too great a country with too great a future with the content they are talking about,” added the mayor. “And it’s insulting to the president, it’s insulting to the country.”

I’m surprised he showed such restraint, but I bet behind closed doors he was swearing like a longshoreman, or like my mother, or let’s face it — LIKE ME.

And, I love the fact that Mr. Emanuel refused to speak with Cubs Chairman Tom Ricketts when he phoned the mayor.

There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with Mr. Obama or with anyone for that matter. It’s our right as Americans to voice our dissent — it’s the most patriotic act one can do — short of joining the military. Also, disagreeing with Mr. Obama and his policies does not make one a racist. That argument doesn’t have legs anymore. It’s reactionary and all it does is cause people to shut down. It’s a classic turd-stirrer and counterproductive.

I don’t agree with all of his policies either. Racist? Fuck you & fuck no. I just happen to hate war and pandering to Wall Street and big oil, and screwing the environment — but hey, that’s just me.

However, what the Ricketts Plan was calling for was filled with vitriol and 4-year old arguments that don’t hold water anymore. We’re not that dumb, Mr. Ricketts, and all you did was show the world how desperate you and the Republican party are. Hiring a conservative, well-spoken blac radio host or media personality to go up against Mr. Obama? Paying black business leaders to say Mr. Obama’s bad for business? Aaaaand that’s not racist how?

Oh and yes, let’s dig up Rev. Wright since that was so successful the first time around when Hillary Clinton brought it up when she was running against Mr. Obama. If Mrs. Clinton couldn’t capitalize from it, then no one can.

Rev. Jeremiah Wright (source: mediaoutrage.wordpress.com)

What this shows is that truth no longer matters to the Republican party. Why aren’t the Republican leaders repudiating this plan? Mr. Romney gave a namby-pamby response some hours after being asked about it. I have a feeling while he was jetting to his next campaign stop, he was being re-programmed.

Let us not forget that Mr. Romney is a member of a church that isn’t exactly pro-minorities, pro-woman and hates gays.

Let us not forget that on Sean Hannity’s radio show back in February, Mr. Romney talked about the importance of bringing up Rev. Wright again since it was “obvious” to Mr. Romney that Mr. Obama was touting making America “less of a Christian nation.”

Plus, it’s been proven that Mr. Romney and Mr. Ricketts are pals and it wouldn’t surprise me if the soon-to-be-GOP candidate was well-aware of what the Super PAC was planning.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s gonna get real ugly on both sides before November.

Too bad Joe Ricketts didn’t have the forethought to dump that money into the Cubs.

Hoodie-winked

julesagray:

This is one of the best commentaries I’ve seen on the subject of the clusterfuck shit storm in Florida involving Trayvon Martin. Nice work, Squatty.
Onward.

Originally posted on Obalesque:

Help me figure this out.

A lawyer for the man at the center of the Trayvon Martin death investigation said Florida’s “stand your ground” law doesn’t apply to the shooting that killed the unarmed teen.

“In my legal opinion, that’s not really applicable to this case. The statute on ‘stand your ground’ is primarily when you’re in your house,” said Craig Sonner, attorney for George Zimmerman.

“This is self-defense, and that’s been around for forever — that you have a right to defend yourself. So the next issue (that) is going to come up is, was he justified in using the amount of force he did?” — myfox8.com

And yet, with two notable exceptions, the hue and cry across the land is all about Florida’s SYG and the 20 other states with similar statutes.  The two odd men out are Newt Gingrich and Geraldo Rivera.  Newton Leroy thinks the president’s…

View original 378 more words

Cook County Cacophony

People never cease to amaze me.

Case in point. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

“Cook County Commissioner William Beavers, a South Side and suburban Democrat, isn’t the only one refusing to take the 10 days off without pay that he and the rest of the County Board unanimously agreed to when they passed the 2011 budget.

Last week, Beavers told the Sun-Times the pay cut was illegal — citing the state Constitution, which says sitting elected officials can’t have their salaries boosted or docked — and now Commissioner Earlean Collins is standing with him.”

Oooookaaaay …..

Please continue.

” ‘I wrote a letter, saying ‘I do not wish to have my salary cut,’” Collins said during Tuesday’s regular County Board meeting, referring to a letter she penned to county government officials.

Collins, a Democrat who represents the west side and western suburbs, said her office sacrificed a lot when commissioners OKed another budget measure this year that gave each commissioners equal district office budgets of $360,000, which covers commissioners and staff pay and other expenses; in 2010, Collins had the second highest district office budget at $421,489.

For one Collins staffer, that meant a $15,000 pay cut before the 10 days without pay, she said.”

I get it: No one likes having their salaries cut. What gets me about this is these folks have jobs, unlike yours truly here. They have benefits–both healthcare and a pension. They have a place to go to every day, a purpose. Yet, they still bitch about it. Of course, they have a right to, but what really gets my knickers in a twist about this is we pay their salaries–they’re elected officials, see. So, in my opinion, they have no right to bitch, moan and whine about pay cuts–especially when the U.S. unemployment rate is hovering around 10 percent.

It gets better.

” ‘It’s unfair where they can get no overtime — to ask them to take $15,000, $10,000, $5,000 cuts and take 10 more days out of their pay. That is not equitable, and I will not sit by and take my cut because I know this board nor the president can cut my salary,” said Collins, who like other commissioners earn $85,000 annually.

Collins is sounding a different tune from February when discussed the proposal.

“Can I give up 10 days? Yes. Absolutely,” Collins said Feb. 24, just two days before the final budget was OKed.

Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle, who championed the five furlough days and five shutdown days without pay as a way to close a nearly $500 million hole in the $3 billion county budget, responded to Collins during Tuesday’s meeting: “I haven’t asked any one commissioner to do something that I haven’t done myself.”

“I’ve taken the shut down and furlough days as I’ve asked everyone else,” Preckwinkle said.”

WAIT A SECOND… Did I read that correctly? Collins originally agreed with taking a pay cut and now she’s backtracking? Sounds like the current crop of GOP contenders for President. She’s acting more like a Republican (and some Democrats) with her actions–saying one thing and doing another. It’ll be interesting if she follows in her fellow pols’ footsteps by chastising those who want to do follow in her footsteps.

Read…

“Most of the 23,000 employees were asked to take the ten days without pay: five furlough days and five government shut-down days. The aim was to save $29 million by the end of the fiscal year, Nov. 30. By the end of August, $16.2 million savings had been achieved, Kurt Summers, Preckwinkle’s chief of staff, said after the meeting.

“What kind of message do we send to the 23,000-plus employees that everybody has to take cuts and furlough days except the county commissioners and their staffs,” Commissioner Tim Schneider, a northwest suburban Republican, said during Tuesday’s meeting. “I think it’s the wrong message to send. I think we have to have shared sacrifice, we have to lead by example,” he said, noting that he and his staff are taking the unpaid time off.”

I like Toni Preckwinkle–I voted for her. She’s smart, savvy and so far hasn’t take any crap. She’s perfect for Cook County, has a huge mess to clean up and is doing her best to fix it all. She has some smart commissioners working with her too–John Fritchey and Larry Suffredin–to name a couple.

But, the tone that William Beavers and Earlean Collins have taken is annoying and ignorant–considering they both make a good salary. Yes, I am sensitive about this because of my job-free situation, and take issue with those who bitch about their jobs in front of me (or in the media). Obviously, they’re just not paying attention to what is actually happening in this country, and should have their sensitivity chip recalibrated, or have one put in. Yes.. yes… I know that no one has the perfect job and I’ve whined about my past jobs. Aaaaaand, I’m sure I’ll find something to bitch about when (noticed how I didn’t say IF–I’m cautiously optimistic) I finally land a job.

I’m not surprised at William Beavers, however. He is, after all, partially responsible for unleashing Todd Stroger on Cook County, among other things. Ahh…Cook County. I doubt any other county in this country is as colorful and corrupt as Cook. *So proud*

And finally ….

“The discussion was prompted by a new report Preckwinkle commissioned to gauge who was complying with the five furlough days and five shut-down days approved as part of the 2011 budget package. She sent a letter last week to the commissioners thanking those who had complied and pointing the finger at those who hadn’t.

But on Tuesday, Cook County Commissioner John Fritchey chastised the administration for inaccuracies in the report, prompting Preckwinkle to withdraw it and have County Comptroller Connie Kravitz recalculate some of the numbers.

Leave it to John Fritchey to keep ‘em honest.