The Choad Menagerie

You’re probably hoping that this particular post is the McCrabass version of Tennessee Williams’s classic “The Glass Menagerie”, but it isn’t.

Simply put–I am here to crush your dreams once again.

The nice thing is that once I get going on this post, you’ll see why it has been awarded this particular hed.

Who here has heard of Kerry Bentivolio? Anyone? His grand plan is to be the Republican rep in Congress for Michigan’s 11th district which was left vacant after former-Rep. Thaddeus McCotter abruptly resigned in July. He’s not your run-of-the-mill-Republican (whatever that means) either, he’s much more fun. (fun in a herpes-outbreak kinda way)

Kerry Bentivolio (courtesy liberty-candidates.org)

From DetroitYes.com:

On the first day of school last year, Kerry Bentivolio told students in his English class at Fowlerville High School that he had one goal: to make each one of them cry at least once.
……..
Nine months later, school administrators reprimanded him for intimidating and threatening students by grabbing their desks and yelling in their faces or for slamming his fists on their desks.

Oh it gets so much better. Yeah, um…. I’ll just let youse guys read it. From Politico.com

The brother of Kerry Bentivolio says the Michigan congressional candidate, who’s favored to win on Tuesday, is “mentally unbalanced” and could end up in jail.

“I’ve never met anyone in my life who is conniving and dishonest as this guy,” Phillip Bentivoliosaid, according to the Michigan Information and Research Service   (subscription required). “He’s my brother so it’s hard to talk about this, but I believe that if he gets elected, he’ll eventually serve time in prison.”

Kerry Bentivolio is the Republican candidate in Michigan’s 11th district, running to replace Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, who failed to secure enough valid signatures to qualify for the ballot.

Kerry Bentivolio is a Santa Claus impersonator and reindeer farmer. He made headlines after old court documents surfaced quoting him saying he had a “problem figuring out which one I really am, Santa Claus or Kerry Bentivolio.”  He’s running against Democrat Syad Taj.

Philip Bentivolio said that in 1992, he helped his brother build houses in Arkansas and Kerry owed him $20,000. This month he told Kerry he would go to the media with the story if he did not get paid, and Kerry then said he called the FBI and the Little Rock Police Department.

“He told them that I told them that if he didn’t send me money, I was going to kill myself,” Phillip Bentivolio said. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Kerry Bentivolio said that his brother has “serious mental issues” and that the FBI was looking into his brother’s request for repayment 20 years after the fact.

Kerry Bentivolio reminds me of the crazy uncle you see once a year at family gatherings. And, because of your strong sense of family coupled with WASP guilt, you’re forced to spend “quality time” with him which will ensure that the karma train doesn’t mow you over during a future run. Watching him pound Jack & Cokes would be similar to watching cement harden. He also strikes me as the type of uncle who gives the female relatives WET KISSES, but not on the cheek, oh no! Them smooches are bound for your beak, hon, and it’s best just to let it happen then start pounding French 75s to help douse the image of his maw careening toward your pucker out of your mental Rolodex. Um, I speak from experience as a matter of fact.

Back to the feud de Bentivolio Brothers. Holidays are probably rough at the Bentivolio manse. Also, I’m quite verklempt on the whole “I don’t know if I’m Kerry Bentivolio or Santa Claus” bit. It’s .. it’s … it’s just …. yep.

I’m gonna go on the record and say that if Obama was a white dude, this shit wouldn’t be spewing forth from the Mayor of 9/11 and his ilk. I’m waiting for Rudy to take credit for the clean-up of NYC post-Sandy. You know it’s gonna happen and here’s a pre-emptive ‘shuttie’ to him.

julesagray:

Totally sexist comment coming up: If Ann Coulter was unattractive, no one would give her airtime or publishing contracts. However, since she has stringy blonde locks that are in dire need of hot oil treatment, everything she spews out of her maw is considered golden. Conservative men now have something else to wank their puds to–instead of their old stand-by: Reagan’s Inauguration Addresses on a loop.
What a horror of human being she is.

Originally posted on King of States!:

A man with Down’s Syndrome wrote this incredible response to National Disgrace Ann Coulter, who does not deserve this gentleman’s time of day.

He was far more diplomatic than Ann Coulter deserves, and is dissuading me from publishing the open letter I’d been planning on:

Dear Ann,

Eat shit and die.

Best,
Me

I realize that my letter is not very effective as a riposte, so I’m just going to go with “What he said.”

Ann Coulter: Making People Embarrassed To Be Human Since 1961

View original

The Daily Asshole

Gotcha! You thought I was referring to him, didn’t you? (Warning: if you click on the previous link, your computer might grow horns, a tail, cloven hooves and a forked tongue & kill Max Von Sydow.)

Well, no. I was referring to one of Mr. Romney’s GOP brethren, Arkansas State Rep. Jon Hubbard (R-Jonesboro).

(courtesy Arkansas Statehouse)

Somehow in his lifetime, Rep. Hubbard honed his hate, got scared & educated and wrote a book using the blood of non-Christians.

Mr. Hubbard believes that slavery was a good thing for African Americans, and that African Americans have ruined public education for us white folks because of their supposed “lack of discipline and ambition.”

That’s it, you say?

C’mon Jules, he’s just spewing the same shit some of his fellow politicians from both parties have been saying aloud for the, oh, last few decades. Tell me something I don’t already know.

Ok, well, this isn’t in the book but, Mr. Hubbard is all for people showing birth certificates when they show up in hospitals for non-emergency care to make sure them damn illegals don’t use up any medicine that’s supposed to go to ‘muricans. He’s also allll about defending Christianity in America — whatever the hell that means. Fucking over people of color is a Christian value, see. That’s what I gleaned from his proclamation. Lord help those who could benefit from the committees he sits on.

This particular tome is a doozy too — it’s chock-full of fun statements like:

“… the institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise. The blacks who could endure those conditions and circumstances would someday be rewarded with citizenship in the greatest nation ever established upon the face of the Earth.” (Pgs 183-89)

And, since he’s got his knickers in a twist about immigrants, he wrote this:

… the immigration issue, both legal and illegal … will lead to planned wars or extermination. Although now this seems to be barbaric and uncivilized, it will at some point become as necessary as eating and breathing.” (Pg 9)

Hmm … this sounds familiar. Mighty familiar. Where oh where have I seen this before? <scrunches forehead, frowns and rubs chin with thumb and forefinger–my sarcastic thinking pose>

Thanks a lot, Arkansas. I hope this choad doesn’t run for national office.

 

The Daily Dick

Pat Robertson deserves to infected with brain tapeworms. However, I think the worms would just be knockin’ around in his empty-as-fuck skull since it has become quite obvious in the past couple of decades that this man of God has shit for brains.

This ultimate third-rate con-man is now advocating moving to a country that not only allows, but encourages, wife beating: Saudi Arabia.

Why? The good vicar doesn’t believe in divorce and believes that wives should be subservient to their husbands. Oh and he doesn’t like Islam which is all kinds of weird since he doesn’t have a problem telling a Christian American to move to a, um, Muslim country so he can give his wife what-for and then some.

Oh, Grandpa.

The Daily [D]Ick

And this is the icky-est.

I wish some folks would crawl up into their own assholes and die.

Todd Akin is one of those folks.

What was he doing during sex ed in junior high school? Wanking his pud? He’s yet another example of how the wing-nut arm of the Republican party has a bit too much power, influence and not enough intelligence or integrity to run for higher office. The sad thing is, he’ll probably win because this country is filled to the brim with morons.

Of course, he’s walking the remark back– sort of.

What’s even more vomit-inducing is he’s not alone in his beliefs.

If he beats Sen. McCaskill, then we get what we deserve.