The Adventures of Clive

(To be read with a loud, jaunty English accent)

” ‘ello! Wot’s this then? You following me, guv’nah? Wot? No? Then wot you doin’ then? Oh? You want to know where I got my sporty tam o’shanter? Cheerio! I bought it at Harrod’s! I think it makes me look rather dapper and jolly, yes? I’m the toast of the savannah! Wot’s that there? A lion? Oh, cheerio old chap, pip pip and all that! Oh? Wot? Stop following me, you posh lion you. Don’t be a daft prick! Run along now! Wot am I doing? I’m on my way to see Nigel the elephant for a spot of tea and perhaps some biscuits. He’s a right fellow, that Nigel. He used to work for the East India Tea Company, that’s right! He has some new baccy he wants me to try  and I suppose he wants to chat about that trollop of a wife of his. I’ve always thought she was a right twit, see. Nigel also wants me to join his cricket team. I told him I’m not beastly enough to play. Oh no, good sir! I most certainly am not! I’m sure that gray bugger will try to convince me now I can assure you. He’ll most certainly say ‘Poppycock Clive! Stop being a prig and come play!’ I’ll just sip my tea. Well, that’s it. Pip pip, cheerio and all that rot.”

Illinois: Land of Bad Behavior

La Rod

It looks like Gov. Hairdon’t will be going away until the end of time.

Good riddance, but I must say I’m not surprised. Illinois has a colorful history of breeding corrupt pols, not just in Chicago, but throughout the entire state. It’s part of our charm–in a cartoon-abstract sorta way.  It would be quite easy to go on and on about the crimes perpetrated by some of our elected officials, but it’s more fun to poke fun at Blago since he’s the most recent one to fall down and go boom in the international spotlight, and he has the best/worst hair EVER! With regards to the political shenanigans that go on in this state, I’ll say this: It’s boring. Screwing your constituents and fellow pols over for political power, and getting the occasional blow job from your aide is tiresome (not implying that Blago got blown of course, but it has been known to happen with other pols-DUH). Again, I could go on and on, but getting my knickers in a twist about this just ain’t worth it. I mean, what’s the point since corruption is de riguer in politics?

I’m really gonna miss Blago “jogging” through my neighborhood once he goes to the pokey.

The hair doesn't move.

However, this story could have long legs too…

This tale caught my eye, and I’m still giggling over it. For those of you who are too damn lazy to click on the link provided, here’s a snippet–

From the Chicago Sun-Times via TPM:

“The Town President of Cicero, Illinois is being sued for allegedly sexually harassing the woman who ran the town’s “Waggin’ Tails” animal shelter, after instructing her to lie under oath about the nature of their relationship.

Ok, that sounds about par for the course for Illinois politics. Yawn.

But wait! There’s more!

“According to the Chicago Sun-Times, in early 2009, Sharon Starzyk wore an FBI recording device during several of her encounters with Larry Dominick. They were discussing Starzyk’s testimony related to another town employee’s sexual harassment suit against Dominick.”

Now, I’m curious. Who is this Larry Dominick?  He’s the Cicero Town President, a job that has a wonderful history of corruption.  Of course, that kind of power breeds bad behavior in all forms. It’s reprehensible.

More questions…  What’s the deal? Maybe this lawsuit is a result of a love affair gone bad? Perhaps someone wants money so they cooked up a sordid tale of unwanted invitations to hit the river boat casinos, or maybe the Jim Stafford Dinner Theater in Branson, then play hide the sausage? Hmm…  What’s he look like? Is he a charmer? Maybe there’s something about him?

So, I did more digging and found a few photos of the alleged-harasser.

Wait. For. It.

Dominick, left, with Daley and Sandoval

Yep, this guy. I would think that the best way to lure him away from the idea of diddling you and wanting to touch your delicates, would be to dangle a plate of ribs in front of him, or a trough of chocolate milkshake. Sigh.

And yes, I’m well-aware that sexual harassment is about power. So, save your breath about schooling me on what sexual harassment is. I know what it is–I’m just commenting on the accused.

It gets better.

“Starzyk alleged in court papers Dominick repeatedly groped her or touched her inappropriately and sent her text messages in which he suggested she should perform oral sex on a black man — using a racial slur — or engage in a threesome with two of Dominick’s friends — an unlicensed plumber in his late 50s, and the Cicero town collector, Fran Reitz. Starzyk said she showed the messages to people but no longer has them.


Of course, Dominick is saying the relationship was consensual,  “and that at the time he would go to her house and “play with her dog and eat there and once in a while whatever came up sexually.”

Shudder. I don’t want to know what that really means.

Now I’m craving Fudgesicles…


“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed.”Nicolas Cage, talking to reporters at the Toronto International Film Festival, promoting his new movie, the home-invasion thriller Trespass. (via Reuters)


I’m off to buy a leather jacket. Bye!