WHEN SEX TOYS ATTACK!

I was just about to call it a night when this little gem showed up in my RSS feed. If you know McCrabass at all, then you know it would be sacrilege if I didn’t throw a few comments about sex toy injuries onto a page.

Take a gander at it and you’ll understand why I’m interrupting valuable winky-bye time to comment on it.

“A woman in northern California is suing a sex toy company after she suffered a horrifying injury while using one of its dildos.

(Photo: Brett Wilkins)

According to SF WeeklyApril Bonjour of Yreka and her boyfriend were playing with a dildo manufactured by Pipedream Productions, whose motto is “We don’t make the orgasm, we make the orgasm BETTER”, when their foreplay went horribly wrong. Bonjour says something started to feel “not quite right.”

“During the usage, I felt an intense sharp pain inside my vagina,” Bonjour’s claim says.  “My boyfriend quickly removed the toy, it was covered in blood. I thought, very briefly, that I had started my period but as the bleeding continued, getting heavier and heavier I knew it was not my period.” Bonjour ran through all her sanitary pads trying to stem the bleeding and passed some scary bloot clots before growing faint. Her boyfriend dialed 911.”

First, this is the apex of disgusting sex-toy injuries–no question about it. However, something has to be said about the victim’s name: April Bonjour. Something about her name screams porn actress or GOP mistress. Think about it.

Read on:

‘ “By the time they got there, I was in and out of consciousness,” she told SF Weekly. “My son … was terrified at the sight of me — he thought I was dying (quite frankly, so did I).”

Bonjour required several pints of blood when she arrived at the hospital. She has since physically recovered, but she claims she and her boyfriend have suffered emotional damage. Bonjour asked Pipedream Productions for compensation, the company refused, and so she’s now suing for personal injury, negligence, and breach of warranty.”

By 

As far as killer sex-toy stories go, this is quite frightening. She needed several pints of blood? She was in and out of consciousness? Bloot [sic] clots? Really? Her son thought she was dying? Yuck. Horrible. (All the heavy bleeding aside, aren’t you dying to know how she explained this one to her son??)

Something doesn’t seem right about this bloody snatch tale. I can’t quite put my finger on it (shut UP).

Did Bonjour and her beau examine the dildo before, you know, using it? Or did they just unwrap and dive right in? Call me crazy BUT if I’m gonna place something in my hoo-ha, I’m gonna take a good, hard (shuttie) look at it and make sure it ain’t gonna put me in the ER, hooked up to a trough-sized blood transfusion doohickey.

What’s the lesson here kids? Inspect all dildos to make sure you’re not really putting a butcher knife in your hoo-ha.

As for the lawsuit, I get it. Hopefully, both parties will settle before going to trial, and Bonjour et al will be compensated fairly and commence once again with the enhanced diddling.

However, if it DOES go to trial, I can only imagine what kind of sex toy questions could be asked of potential jurors during the voir dire….

“I’m tired of being humane” & other complaints

First, let’s talk about the GOP roundtable yap-yap fest that happened last night. I was *thisclose* to throwing all of the furniture in my apartment out the window because these candidates are so completely out of touch and mean-spirited. I have very little hope for the political process in this country, AND for those who believe that hate is the answer.

In short, they’re awful human beings. Turns out, what they were all so absolutely certain about, was wrong for the most part.  Sadly, they haven’t moved past the whole ‘Obama should fire Bernanke’ mantra (even though Obama can’t do that); the death panel myth (time to start paying attention Newt-that myth was dispelled during the healthcare debate) and Bachmann still has a hard-on for placing all the blame on Fannie/Freddie & the Reinvestment Act–a conservative talking point that has been proven wrong over and over and over again. I know..I know..I feel your pain. But, WAIT! There’s more! Bachmann must have forgotten all of the money she got from Fannie/Freddie. Guess relying on God didn’t really help pay for the pile of bricks she calls the homestead. Basically, Bachmann is going back to her old material–even the debunked stuff. I bet Ed Rollins is thanking god everyday for leaving her campaign in the crazy dust.

Before I launch into Romney, something must be said about the whole Mormon running the country fiasco. I agree with Chris Christie (yes, you read that correctly) when he said (paraphrasing here) that a person’s religion doesn’t matter when it comes to running the country. Bravo, Mr. Christie–you’re nuts but you’re absolutely correct. But Romney? Really? The company he founded, Bain Capital, is responsible for thousands of lay-offs. Also, Romney raised taxes to pay for Romneycare–something he’s harping on Obama about. Also, he wants to raise taxes on the poor and fuck over women and the poor even more when it comes to healthcare.

The lab that created Herman Cain should be burned to the ground, and everything within a 15-mile radius of the site should be condemned. Kind of like what the Soviets should have done with Chernobyl. His nonsensical ramblings about a tax plan that has been picked apart by economists, and  labelled dangerous and stupid by anyone who isn’t associated with the Koch Bros., proves that he’s not worthy of any type of elected office. I’m sure he’ll be back to selling crappy pizza by Christmas.

And, Rick Perry? Oy. More on him later. I can’t decide if there aren’t enough words to describe him, or too many. Ron Paul needs to corral those eyebrows. Perhaps put a cloaking device on them because they’re destined to escape–soon. Nothing can be said about Santorum. He’s just sad.

It’s gonna be a bumpy election season.

What else? Oh yes. Has anyone noticed that this country is bathing in shit? No? Well, maybe you should start paying attention. This piece of news out of Kansas is so distressing. Kansas is a bad place for women. Period. End of story. Remind me to never live there OR travel through it. Any place that fucked in head doesn’t deserve McCrabass dollars.

It warms the dark crevices of my heart to see that Florida is not a disappointment in the batshit category. Rep. Brad Drake is my new fave GOP nutley. The press release is worth reading, but this part just makes my knees go limp. Sigh.

Rep. Brad Drake

“So, I say let’s end the debate,” he said in the release. “We still have Old Sparky. And if that doesn’t suit the criminal, then we will provide them a .45 caliber lead cocktail instead.

He’s a keeper, ain’t he? He’s probably the type of guy who would charge the condemned’s family for the bullet used to execute him/her. You know, like they used to do in China.

I love blogs. I do. Most are crap (ahem), some are funny, and then there are those that are so … so… oh fuck. I don’t know. Here’s an example of what I think I am trying to say.

http://blackboardsinporn.blogspot.com/

 

My opinion? It’s a porn fail if the viewer is giving any attention at all to the production design. Just sayin’ ….

I puked when I saw this picture. Happy Halloween, sickos!

And finally, who is Adrianne Curry and why is trying to upstage my Coco?