A few days ago, I was on the phone with a friend discussing job stuff. As always in conversations with me, the topic shifted from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Then, it segued into Douche-speak when he said, “Well, you know Julia, I’ve always been a cunning linguist, heh heh.”
I put my hand to my forehead and gave it a deep rub, then let out a big, and very audible, sigh.
“What?” I said, exasperated.
“You know, a “cunning linguist”, get it? GET IT? Heh heh! I just made that up too!” He was very proud of himself. I swore I heard him patting himself on the back.
“No, no you didn’t make that up.” I said. Now I was getting irritated.
“Yeah, I did. I really did,” he countered.
“No, you didn’t, you really didn’t,” I shot back.
“Did too,” He said.
“Did not,” I yelled into the phone, waking Linus. “Trust me, you did NOT make “cunning linguist’ up. I’ve heard it over and over and over through the years, and each time I do, the person saying it acts like they made it up.”
“Oh,” he said. He sounded so defeated. Tough shit, I thought. This is one of those life-lessons we all need to learn. You know, the types of life lessons that made Oprah rich just by suggesting we need to learn them.
After this particular back-and-forth, I’ve decided to put a stop to the “cunning linguist” nonsense by re-classifying it as unoriginal and banning it from all things McCrabass. However, you do get a pass the first time you say it around me, but the next time is verboten.
It doesn’t matter where this phrase came from. I know what it means — it’s a play on cunnilingus. Yes, it is clever and witty — the first time it’s uttered. But, uttering it more than once makes the one saying it look like he just earned a certificate from an online douchebag school — the type advertised during “Manswers.”
Also, I have a theory that most men who do say this, don’t know the meanings of either “cunning” or “linguist.” They just think it sounds clever and dirty — like maybe something they’d read in Penthouse Forum, or in a book they skimmed for a required lit class in college. OR, they do know the meanings of the words, and are going for the easy laugh.
After giving it some thought, I agree with what my pal Alice said about those who claim they’re “cunning linguists” — You’re probably horrible at cunnilingus.
That’s more like it.
Good for you for shutting that loser down! Honestly, I don’t know which irritates me more- men who talk nonsense like that or women that let them get away with it. Glad you’re not one of those women!
Sounds like something my pal Phil Lashio would say.
lemme guess… Phil’s a master debater, eh?
Well, he DOES know how to use his mouth.
Prove it.
There’s a really great underground hip-hop group name the CunninLinguists. But yea, that joke is way old. :)
I thought.a “cunning linguist” is somebody with arms long enough to pat himself on his own back hard enough to self-induce a Hind Lick maneuver..
I doubt that your friend made that term up even if it seemed shiny and new in his mind. When I Google searched it I received 513,000 results. Not only does it appear that it’s been around for quite a while, had he referred to himself as an “un-cunning linguist” he would have had better reason to pat himself on the back and gloat. That term only registers a mere 3,120 results on Google search.
Call me pedantic linguist.
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