You can go home again

So I waddled back to Bikram today after about a month-long hiatus. In my defense though, most of the month I was causing trouble in Los Angeles, and the rest of the time I was too damn lazy to remove my carcass from the couch to get all sweaty and Namaste-y. Piss on that notion, monkehs, was my response to inquiries about my once-vibrant-now-non-existent Bikram practice.

However, I couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer — I had to get back because I really dig Bikram, and it has helped my constitution considerably. Plus, I’m still unemployed and if I sit around the house too much, I’ll end up painting every square inch of this dump none more black, and toy with the idea of becoming a mime. Then there was the incident yesterday when I got winded using my remote. Not. Good.

Yeah, that’s a sign that it’s time to do something.

After I donned my yoga pants, bullet bra, huge t-shirt, coat and Uggs, I started up the POS rice burner of an automobile, and headed to Bikram Yoga Andersonville where I was greeted warmly by both the owner Jessica Rask, and the teacher, Liz. I have never been happier to see two people in my life — it was as if someone had thrown me the coolest life preserver ever.

It was as if I had never left.

That’s the kind of feeling one should have when doing yoga, or exercise or stripping. Simply put, it’s the feeling you should experience when you’re meant to do something. See how touchy-feely, granola-y and Prius-y I just got there? Yep, that thought kinda gave me an erection too. Just go with it folks, it’s okay.

After exchanging snark-filled pleasantries with the fabulous Stephanie Sack in the locker room (no, there weren’t any towels snapped at bare, tattooed asses, pervs), it was gut-check time. The first few poses progressed well and with little pain. I’m even making huge progress on Standing Head to Knee pose.

Not McCrabass, but close.

My back strength is still intact, as is my balance. My flexibility has regressed a bit, but give me a few days — I’ll be all bendy soon. Could it be true? Could all of this mumbo-jumbo chin music about how yoga is good for you actually be true?? I’d say that’s a big, fat, farmer YES. What surprises me is the fact I trusted something I  went into blindly. Sure, I did my Bikram research, but you really don’t know how your body is going to react to something as intense as this kind of yoga. Sure, you can read all you want, listen to testimonials of your fellow students, but the only way to really be certain is to get off your keester and find out for yourself.

So glad I did just that.