Percheron Pate anyone?

Recently, Congress quietly lifted the 5-year ban on the funding of horse meat inspections, which means horse butchering could start up again in the states in the next month. While I find this completely reprehensible since I adore horses, I’m not surprised. The economy is in the shitter, and Congress is doing piddly-shit crap like this as a lame attempt to jump-start it without having to raise taxes on the disgustingly wealthy. What’s weird is the USDA doesn’t have the budget to do these inspections at the moment, but I’m sure they’ll figure something out eventually.

My feelings about this are contradictory: I find it appalling because of my personal history with horses, and I see the comic material as well. This got me thinking about the names of possible equine dishes at some of the fine and not-so-fine dining establishments in this country. Thanks to Laura Bong, Paul Sloth, Jeff Myers, Ajit Samudra and Jill Weiss for their contributions.

Here we go (with apologies to Lucky Lady, Buttsy, Filly, Thunder, Sesame Street, Desiree, Lady Bug, Charlie and all of the horses I have come in contact with in my lifetime.)

Coming soon to a menu near you!

Shetland Pony Pie

Connemara Cutlets with a lovely Belgian Bechamel sauce

Gelding Goulash with Paso Fino Paprika

Palomino Pancakes with Secretariat syrup

House-made Hoof Hash

Clydesdale Clambake

Man O’ War-wich

Trigger Tri-Tip

Mustang Masala

Lippizan Lasagna

Chincoteague Pony Cheesecake with a Goldolphin Ganache

Selle Francais Chopped Salad

Shire Sherbert

Alydar a la Mode

Welsh Pony Rarebit

Risotto del Ruffian

Burro Burritos

Zuppa del Zenyatta

and finally, Seabiscuit.

It’s safe to assume that I’ll be in horse hell where I’ll be stomped, bitten and shat on for eternity.

5 thoughts on “Percheron Pate anyone?

  1. My guess is that the American public has been eating horse meat for years and just doesn’t know it — it’s been quietly mixed into hamburgers, hot dogs, and other quick food horrors.

    Why people view consumption of horses as anything less (or more) appalling than pigs, cows, or sheep is puzzling. Pigs are smarter, sheep are cuter, and cows have tits. Horses are big stupid dirty smelly dangerous beasts — eating they ass is a worthy method of extermination. I rest my case.

    I never understood why rabbit never caught on. They’re plentiful and tasty and easy to raise. And they taste like horse, but tenderer. Mmmmm — bunneh!

  2. Here’s the real question of dealing with this- Who is going to teach us on the Food Network how to cook these various types of cuts from a horse?

  3. i dunno. these all seem so high in fat…but man o’ war-wich? well, i think i’ll have to be making that one soon. think they sell ground horse in bulk at sam’s club?

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