The Daily #epicfail

SEO, keywords and ads are very important to just about everything on the Internetz. They drive traffic to your site, get folks to read your stuff and hopefully click on the ads which then hopefully leads to an eventual purchase of the product they’re shilling.

Sometimes SEO/keywords work TOO well.

Case in point.

Notice anything odd about the ad directly below the hed? (By the by, the story is awesome. Check it out here.) ‘Nuff said.

Kinda reminds me of whenever I get an gmail from a Jewish friend, the ads on the side “turn” Jewish. When I open an email from say, a Mrs. Goldberg, ads for Bar Mitzvah caterers and mohels show up in the sidebar. Not kidding. Try it sometime.

Finally, You want me to do WHAT? Let’s take another spin around the parking lot with regards to big, fucking, poisonous spiders. 

WARNING: Sometimes FUCK is not strong enough a word.

Australians Being Asked To Capture Venomous Spiders

According to Aussie scientists, there’s a shortage of anti-venom of these fucking FUNNEL-WEB SPIDERS.

 

These arachnids have a bite so deadly that if the victim is not treated within an hour of being bitten, they could fucking die. F.U.C.K.I.N.G.  D.I.E.

THAT, my friends, is messed up. So, what do the purveyors of the Australian Reptile Park want Sydney residents to DO? They want these folks to get allll up in the spiders’ grills then CAPTURE & BRING THEM to the park where officials can MILK THEM. Yes, milk these spiders of their deadly venom. 

Read more about it here, if you dare. *shudder*

Oh, and watch a vidya here:

Fucking crikey.

 

 

Big time boredom

Boredom has set into every crevice, pore, crack, hole, and festering sore in my being. It has to do with this time of year–it’s hot, it’s the end of summer and fall is right around the corner, then maybe winter. Who knows, however, after last winter. We won’t know until it happens.

Back to my boredom. I can’t even think of what to write next. That, my friends, is how bored and uninspired I am (YES! I knew that word would make an appearance eventually).

The Dog Days of Summer are inspiration killers for me. Oh and that pesky unemployment dance I’ve been doing for the past 20 months or so — a bit of news on that front–I have an editing job for a few weeks starting tomorrow. Should be interesting since I don’t have any work clothes. Stuff has been tossed out due to normal wear and tear, and being too big. Most of it has been sacrificed to the fashion gods as a way to beg for forgiveness–let’s just say I was trying to revive the whole “Working Girl” look a few months ago. Hey, my shoulders aren’t big enough from years of swimming, LET’S MAKE ‘EM BIGGER! That whole experiment went buh-bye when I donned a blazer with shoulder pads out to *here* and they made my shoulders stick out to *HERE*.

 

The one look I will stick with is this one, since well, it is so me. So much so it’s frightening.

 

Since that’s settled, let’s see what other shenanigans I can get myself into.

I spent about 10 hours in the ER yesterday, dealing with unbelievable gut pains. Horrible. I had blood  & fluid tests and CAT scans up the ying-yang. Even telling my tale of woe to countless nurses and a few docs proved that the human body is one big clusterfuck. A mystery, actually. I am convinced after spending time in one of the few Level 1 trauma ERs in Chicago that if something was really wrong with me, my body would tell me somehow and I’d just naturally listen. How do I know this? It’s tough to explain — you’d have to know my body as well as I do, which ain’t gonna happen unless you buy me dinner, lots of flowers and even more drinks. Top-shelf too, I don’t drink swill.

Back to the Camp ER, all is well–I think. Will know more later.

During my time on an ER bed, under blankets and in fab hospital haute couture, I had time to peruse the web for stories. I even deemed a few worthy of y’all’s attention.

The Dude’s Abode has sold.

 

According to LA.curbed.com, the Venice bungalow court used for the exteriors (interiors were shot on a soundstage) of the Dude’s house in “The Big Lebowski”, has sold for $1.59 million, down from the asking price of $2.25 million. Six one-bedroom bungalows make up the court, and each one has garage parking and hopefully enough rugs to really tie the rooms together. Here’s to hoping the new owners pay homage to the Dude in some manner–maybe with a White Russian Fountain in the courtyard or daily swirlies and rug-pissing sessions.

Farts. Where would the world be without ’em? Think about it. We’d all be a little more uptight and bloated if farting was not an option. This is why this particular toy is the shit.

(courtesy evansville.com)

When the South Koreans aren’t perfecting the ultimate fart-inducing food–Kimchee–or keeping those pesky North Koreans out of their country, they’re coming up with cute, yet educational dolls for kids.

My explanation won’t do it justice, so just read about it here.

While we’re on the subject of toys, here’s one for girls that bellows “you have no future so give up now!”

 

Think it’s a mistake that the little girl featured on the box is Hispanic-looking? Naah. I’m sure the toy above is satire, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it, um, isn’t.

Finally, any normal person is ‘interested in voyeurism’, but we don’t need to act on it — especially in such a public manner.