I’m up early for god only knows what reason, and watching one of my favorite shows, “Up With Chris Hayes.” One topic this week is culture wars–one of the many third rails of the Democratic agenda. Take a step closer to that rail, and the whole personhood rhetoric emanates from it.
Ugh. Personhood amendments. We have a bunch of extremist nutjob (I know, a bit redundant) Tea Baggin’ Republicans who don’t want big gummint in general, but when it comes to us wimminfolk, the Baggers believe that we need to be regulated up the ying-yang. A wave of ridiculous bills came riding in on transvaginal ultrasound wands into many state legislatures roughly two years ago, after the Tea Bagger Revolution in Congress. However, the good thing is, many of these bills were introduced, voted upon and failed. Some didn’t even make the ballot in states that allegedly have super-special relationships with the mostest specialist homeboy of them all, God. Now, to a non-religious person, those failures say that God has bigger things to worry about–like strife, sickness, hunger, poverty–than making sure women who are menstruating aren’t, um, doing whatever. Then, there is one particular state, where according to the law, all menstruating women are pregnant. Or something like that. This Arizona law is so Draconian that the main image I have in my head is a woman being dragged to an interrogation room at her local Phoenix CVS for attempting to purchase tampons–murder weapons.
Back to Chris Hayes (who needs to stop whining about being on a book tour & leaving the work of parenting to his wife–please–y’all have help. Shuttie.), personhood was brought up which got me thinking: Perhaps I need to start naming the maybe 20 eggs left in my cob-webbed womb. Hmm.
Here’s what I’ve got so far:
Vladimir, Simka, Aloysius, Schmenkman, Huxtable, Poon, Ping, Yarbotz, Dale Earnhardt, Louboutin, and Nam. That’s a good start.
What are your suggestions?