It’s no secret that I follow politics. Why do I torture myself you ask? Oh, because I’m an emotional cutter.
But, seriously, I follow politics because I love studying human behavior– especially the magic knickers, Kenyan birth certificates, dressage horses, videos from 1998 that have nothing to do with nothing, et al. It’s all fascinating to me.
Each presidential election cycle is more whacked-out than the previous one, and as we draw closer to Election Day, I find myself saying on an almost hourly basis “Well, just when I thought it couldn’t get any whackier, ______ happens.”
In this particular case, ______ is our favorite pearl clutcher, Ann Romney. Take a listen to the clip below from an interview Mrs. Romney gave to an Iowa radio station yesterday. The fun starts about 1:23 in.
So, this got me thinking (I know, there I go, working without tools again)….Hmmm…
Sure, I can go into the usual talking points about how her husband is basically a spineless chump who is shaking his campaign Etch-A-Sketch on a daily basis, or how he’s pandering to a particularly dangerous segment of his base who believes that Obama wasn’t born here, but that’s just too easy. Plus, it’s been done.
Instead, I’ve decided to have some fun with “Stop it. This is hard” and Mr. Romney’s recent 47 percent gaffe. You’ll see and please, feel free to join in on the fun.
“Stop it. This is hard. Sometimes I have to drive one of my many Cadillacs through neighborhoods inhabited by 47 percenters in order to get to one of my mansions. I don’t like white-knuckling it.”
“Stop it. This is hard. I had a horse in the Olympics and it was so difficult making sure he had the correct hoof polish.”
“Stop it. This is hard. I didn’t know what to do with the tax write-off Rafalca awarded us, so I bought some fur-lined mom jeans for Mitt.”
“Stop it. This is hard. You try having conversations with some of your husband’s 47 percenter campaign staffers! I LOATHE talking to serfs!”
“Stop it. This is hard. I have to pretend I like people who aren’t exactly like me.”
“Stop it. This is hard. We had to sell stock to get to this place.”
“Stop it. This is hard. You try being married to a man who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.”
“Stop it. This is hard. You know how difficult it is to get John Boehner to cry about someone he doesn’t give a red rat’s ass about?”
“Stop it. This is hard. Why didn’t those bitches at the RNC 2012 believe my insincere “I love you” during my duller-than-paste speech?”
“Stop it. This is hard. I just learned that some LGBT folks have families. They’re ruining my America.”
If I had a nickel for every time the Romneys said something stupid, I’d be in their tax bracket.