Dissed Again

The recipients of the MacArthur Genius Grants for 2012 were announced yesterday and I was mighty surprised that I wasn’t among them.

Da noive!

Seriously though, the fellows have me scratching my in-dire-need-of-a-vigorous-shampoo-head. Pulitzer Prize winner Junot Diaz? He’s already well-known, is an incredible writer and probably makes a decent amount of moola each year, why did he get it? Same with David Finkel, an editor at the Washington Post. Of course, these two men are talented, but I was of the belief that winners of the $500,000 no-strings-attached stipend were usually struggling artists or scientists.

Oh how mistaken I be.

What also surprises me is the nomination process. Turns out it is shroud in secrecy — one can’t nominate him/herself — the fellows are nominated by an anonymous group or an anonymous person, then those nominees move onto an even more anonymous group to be voted on yet again anonymously.

Why do I have visions of this particular scene when I imagine what the whole anonymous nominating process is like?

Got it … I think. Not only do I have to get my ass in shape, buy yet another g-string and fancy head dress, I also have to prove to the fucking world I’m a serious writer who could use the $100,000 stipend paid out over 5 years, no-strings-attached.

So, how do I go about being nominated anonymously?

Guess I have to stop scowling and spitting at strangers on the street, on the CTA and in the holding cells from now on. Time to hone my flirting with cops to get out of those indecent exposure and lewd behavior arrests. And–this one hurts the most–I’ll have to discontinue going to my local OTB facility wearing just my Daisy Dukes, halter top and cowboy boots — no matter what the weather is. Also, time to stop dotting my i’s with little hearts and kitten faces.

Crap. There goes flipping people off randomly from now on too.

The goal here is to get folks to see me as a serious writer, who knows how to behave like a lady writer out in public.

This puts a serious damper on my social activities.