Not the mostess

Something must be said about all of the ridiculous whining, bitching and moaning surrounding the closing of Hostess.

The waxing rhapsodic over crappy junk food has broken the Douche Bag Meter, plus this senseless waste of words and thoughts makes those partaking in it look like dumb-fuck Americans.

I’m jealous of those who have the type of lives where losing sweet cakes o’swill sends them into a sort of self-flagellation, like they’re going to commit some sort of junk-food withdrawal induced suicide. Give me a break and more important, get the fuck over yourselves.

No wonder other countries hate us.

PS: Ten bucks and a case of Entemann’s says another company will buy Hostess and once again, Twinkies, Suzy Qs, Cupcakes and whatever else was spewed out of that factory, will be lining the hips, thighs and gunts of diehard fans from sea to shiny sea.

5 thoughts on “Not the mostess

  1. I probably last ate a Twinkie 45 years ago. I last bought a two-pack of those chemical bombs this past winter in response to my boss asking me to do something to boost the sagging morale of my colleagues. You might recall that my sidekick, Greg, had mentioned the myth that a steak left soaking in Coca Cola would dissolve. I bought each of my two colleagues a can of Coke, one diet and the other classic, so they could soak their Twinkies to see what would happen. They enjoyed playing with food at The Grind very much and of course I turned it into a post on my blog that got a nice avalanche of hits. As for the Coca Cola saturated Twinkies, they remained essentially intact. I don’t feel any nostalgia towards the indestructible Twinkie, but they did help lift the spirits of my morose buddies so that was a good thing. I do feel immense sorrow for the more than 18,000 workers that have lost their jobs in this still rancid economy. That’s what blows most about this — not Americans losing a source of junk food. I agree with John that someone is probably poised to take over the Hostess brand, and the Twinkie could return, but I’m sure that most of those 18,000 remain screwed. And a message to John: the only car I ever owned was a used 1974 gold Chevy Vega hatchback. This was when I was living in foggy San Francisco. It was a piece of rapidly rusting crap with weeds sprouting out of the hatch but it got me where I wanted to go which, fortunately, wasn’t far, until I moved to NYC in 1982. I took a plane here and gave the car to my brother who kept it running a few more years. It was almost like a Twinkie on wheels.

    • I love the Vega bit! If we could’ve found one of those “kit cars” that look like old British roadsters or such, I think our Vega would still be around – with a non-rustable body. Assuming the steering had held together (which it wasn’t) and that the transmission was still working (which it was).
      My biggest fear? Not that some other company will start making Twinkies, but that they’ll do it in some third world country, giving ANOTHER country a reason to loathe and despise Americans – while sucking down Twinkies at astronomical rates!

  2. And of course, to put extra ‘Ewwww’ in the mix, Hostess (which has been in bankruptcy off and on forEVER) claims it is “union” trouble, not mismanagement. Right, cause the very idea of paying employees gives those guys hives.

  3. Oh, I will GUARANTEE you we ain’t seen the last of the Twinkie and such. Maybe not by the same name – though the new company would be NUTS not to take advantage of the brand value.
    Yeah, I know I’m part of the guilty. I was never a HUGE fan of the Twinkie (I preferred the cupcakes myself), but it hurts a bit when cultural icons go down. It’s not so much the value of the product, as a part of your childhood (well, mine in this case) going PFFT. Like my mooning over my Vega – it really was a piece of crap, and got crappier over time. But oh, the memories…. 🙂
    (And remember, I now have proof the so-called Mayan Apocalypse was REALLY talking about the Twinkie! 😉 )

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