Boned

Why am I surprised when an infamous person’s 15 minutes of fame is extended thanks to the brilliant idea of making a sex tape?

I keep hoping that humanity will man-up and put the kibosh on this phenom and actually heap huge rewards upon those of us who worked out asses off and played by the rules. But, as long as there’s a buck or two–or a million–to be made, Z-list celebs and their penchant for recording every fucking move for their half-wit fan base will continue until the sun explodes and kills us all.

Let this sink in and we’ll discuss it.

From The Daily Beast.

Report: ‘Teen Mom’ Signs $1M Porn Deal

“Looks like Farrah Abraham’s “sex tape” is being made into a porno after all. The Teen Mom star reportedly inked a nearly $1 million deal with Vivid Entertainment for the release of her tape, after initially claiming it was for private use only. The porno with James Deen allegedly comes with a classy title, too: “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.” While most suspected the tape was good old-fashioned porn, Abraham and even Vivid founder and co-chair Steven Hirsch ran with the “sex tape” ruse for a while. Deen, meanwhile, tried to set the record straight that no one would believe it was for private use. “I said I’m like the worst person for this job because, not to be arrogant, but people are gonna know me,” he told The Daily Beast.

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For those of you who don’t know who Farrah Abraham is, she is one of the stars of MTV’s reality series “Teen Mom.” Like all of the participants on that show, Farrah realized that as soon as her water broke, being a teen mom just plain sucks wang because not only does she have to deal with the trials and tribulations of being a teenager, she’s also a new mom! From what I’ve heard, being a new mom at any age is the toughest gig around. From time to time I would watch the season which featured Farrah, but had to stop due to the chronic laryngitis I got from yelling at the tee vee.

Admittedly, Farrah was different from most teen moms featured because her baby daddy died in a car crash prior to the birth of their daughter, Sophia, so she didn’t have worry about which baseball cap the baby daddy would be wearing when he picked up their kid for a play date with his new girlfriend’s kid. Or whether or not his facial hair was properly cared for.

Admit it–that’s mighty sad.

However, throw in her porn paramour, James Deen

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the sage advice of the King of All Snake Oil Salesmen, Dr. Phil,  and we can use an egg timer to tell us exactly when she’ll be spit out of the ass-end of the porn industry. Well, that and the fact that she’s about as bright as a dove bar.

Am I completely surprised by this? Nah, but what this tells me is I need to have a teen mom, make a sex tape and collect a sub-mental fan base.

I’m going back to bed.

12 thoughts on “Boned

  1. Not sure how this relates to your post, but I kept thinking about it while reading, so enjoy. Did you hear the Air Force’s officer on eliminating sexual assault was arrested over the weekend for …. wait for it …. sexual assault?
    Kinda like the Italian assistant minister on eliminating discrimination against the LGBT community. She didn’t last 24 hours – her first official news conference found her making a comment about gays “ghettoizing” themselves. In a nation where “ghetto” resonates back to the Holocaust, that was a truly epic OOPS!
    Maybe Ms. Abraham will last a bit longer. Then again, maybe it’s better she doesn’t… 😀

  2. Please: no insulting Dove Bars!! I used to live near the original Dove Candies location and ate those things when they were absolutely BRILLIANT (and hand made). That twit can’t even come close to a Dove Bar. Rather, she has all the brains of sawdust.

    • Actually FBG, her mama through her out of the house (according to TMZ), BUT her daddy went with her for the DVD box photo shoot and to negotiate her Vivid contract and approve the rushes!

      Daddy’s Little Girl smiles for the camera (and also takes it up the ass)!

  3. AND IT’S ALL ANAL!!!! ‘Chelsea Lately’ reported that the DVD box has publicity pix of Farrah’s ass up in the air AND pix of her and her baby girl having a “mommy & me” time at the beach! BTW, Farrah came out for her endearing support of Mitt Romney back on October on Twitter. Uh…is it wrong to start a Celebrity Death-by-Suicide Pool?

    • It took me a while to post this because I was searching far and wide for a pix of her with Deen’s wang up her poop-shoot. I couldn’t find shit (but I’m sure JD did–HEY NOW!), which is why i opted for the heavily photoshopped photo of her instead.
      Sigh.

  4. I had never heard of Farrah Abraham until I read this hilarious post, but now she’s going where she belongs — into the landfill in my head along with a pile of other useless crap including the algebra I never fully learned in high school.

Push it out, shove it out, waaaaay out...

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