Five Things: 11/12/13

1) I never thought that having a part-time news producing gig would turn me into a big sack of goo at the end of the day. But it has, and that’s a good thing. I can finally talk a bit about what I’m working on, and I must admit, it’s smashing.

If you’re interested, check out the site-in-progress. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to hear my dulcet tones reporting on allll sorts of goings-on and shenanigans.

I learned the hard way that I have a face for radio. Trust me, you don’t wanna see my mug. You’ll be scarred for life.

The app goes live on iTunes on December 3rd. For those of you who own iPhones and iPads, you can get the app for FREE FREE FREEE then. For Android users, you’ll have to wait a bit longer.

Stay tuned.

2) “I’m doin’ it for my kids.” Seems innocent enough, yes? You have a family. A mortgage, maybe a pet or two. Since families can be expensive, it’s best if both parents work, right?

(via GossipCenter)

(via GossipCenter)

Well, one would think this would be a good idea…yes.
Looks like the soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Tito Ortiz is returning to her former-career: Fucking on camera for shit-tons of money.

(via TeresAmerica.Blogspot)

(via TeresAmerica.Blogspot)


But, wait..if memory serves, didn’t Ms. Jameson spew at the 2008 AVN Awards that:

“I’ll never, ever, ever spread my legs again in this industry. Ever.”

Why? Well, she needs to support her family. Yes, I know that’s the reason she gave as to WHY she was leaving the skin-flick trade, but now she’s come full circle.
What a good mommy. Hope she kicked that boozin’ and drivin’ habit. And Tito.

3) Apparently, toilet paper isn’t enough for some folks. OR, some folks are so fucking lazy that they don’t know how to properly wipe their poo-covered evil eye, so some genius invented these:



I shit you not. They’re REAL.

You know, I’m not gonna go into it. For more info, just click here. If you like ’em, I don’t want to hear about it. Same goes for if you use ’em.

Of course, there’s a video.

4) Wanna know when you’re gonna take a dirt nap forever? Then buy this alarm clock. It’ll tell you when you’re gonna die every morning. That’s a good enough reason to get out of bed, unless today’s the day. Then, just lie there and wait for Death to spirit you away.

I’ve had a chance to ponder this and I think it’s brilliant! Imagine–alarm clock says you’re set to die in a week. What to do, what to do ….Hmmm..rubs chin..picks nose.. Maybe a crime spree? A drinking/meth binge? Run nekkid through your office and pee on your boss? Maybe diddle your boss or his/her spouse and FILM IT? Think about it–the possibilities are ENDLESS.

Via The Verge.

Alarmclock wakes you up with the time you’ll die

You’re welcome.

5) Oh, and here’s your 1980’s ear worm. Believe me, this hurts me more than it hurts you, but you must learn and that’s that.

Next time, just put the damn lotion in the basket, and you won’t be subjected to cheeeezeh listenin’ tunes.



6 thoughts on “Five Things: 11/12/13

  1. Apparently, some people look at mittens and wet wipes and get inspired in the worst way. Are those things safe to flush? I don’t want to think about the clogging.

    Good luck on the app’s launch. December 3 is Jean-Luc Godard’s 83rd birthday. I’d like to eat a croissant in celebration, but I’ve got to cool it with my weight, so I’ll content myself with wearing a beret.

    And hey, I’ve seen your mug! It’s a helluva lot friendlier than Jenna J’s!

  2. Oh, darlin’, I lived through the 80s. I’m immune to that crap. Now, crank some disco from the 70s, and I’ll be singin’ it 3 weeks from Tuesday! 😀
    And really – a video with the Shittens? Really? People need INSTRUCTIONS?!?
    Finally, the lawyer in me forces me to tell you that Mrs. Ortiz could keep her promise and still re-enter the “adult” arena, simply by … well, let’s just say, with oral exercises utilising fellow female stars. Not the worst thing I could think of seeing – I think Tito in his work clothes kinda fills THAT niche…. 😉

  3. I’m glad you hear you’ve found meaningful work. Honestly, that’s the game of life, isn’t it? You’ve won.

    They should have called Shittens something else. That’s a terrible name. They probably a practical use for them in hospitals.

    A sure-fire way to avoid an ear worm is to NOT CLICK THE LITTLE TRIANGLE. I always get that song confused with a Burt Bacharach song by the same title. Further, I get those two confused with Always Something There to Remind Me, which actually IS a Burt Bacharach song covered by Naked Eyes. Wheels within wheels!

Push it out, shove it out, waaaaay out...

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