Five Things: 11/22/13

No preamble today, so let’s dive in.

1) I mean, really..why NOT make a 5 1/2 hour film about self-loathing and sexual addiction? Wait, it’s been cut down to 4 hours because it, um, isn’t quite marketable. Odd for a director to give up final cut of any film. Really. It is.

Now, I’m not a Von Trier fan at all, and yes, I’ve seen all of his films because for a while there, I was considering cutting off my lady bits with garden shears. I needed to watch a ‘how to’ vid.

What’s really special about this week is the trailer for “Nymphomanic” was released. And, well..just have a look-see.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Von Trier’s editor’s in rehab now.

2) So much for the days of yore when kids would play games like kick-the-can, freeze tag and if they had a pool, Marco Polo. It appears the game du jour is the ‘knockout’ game.

It’s pretty simple really. A kid, usually a teenage boy, runs up on some random stranger on the street and knocks ’em out cold with a punch to the head. That’s all. No robbery, no other type of assault–just a punch–and boom, the victim hits the ground with a thud.

Glad to see that society continues to slide down crap mountain.

3) I get it, you can’t afford to go skiing this year. Sorry about that. But, YOU can fool your friends into thinking you snow-plowed on the bunny hill by doing this….

(via the Daily Mail)

Are they taking the piste? Wearing goggles in tanning booth for ‘fake ski tan’ effect is bizarre new beauty trend

‘Tis true. We’re close to bottoming out as a society, folks. When someone is willing to be a melanoma poster child as an attempt to impress people who probably don’t give a shit about them, it’s time to re-evaluate your life. At this point, you’re just a shell of a person.

Kim Kardashian. Of course. (via the Daily Mail)

Kim Kardashian. Of course. (via the Daily Mail)


4) The people of Stonehenge. (via various)

Screen shot 2013-11-22 at 11.17.00 AM

Screen shot 2013-11-22 at 11.16.37 AM

Screen shot 2013-11-22 at 11.19.52 AMScreen shot 2013-11-22 at 11.19.33 AM


I no longer feel the need to bathe.

5) Finally, for those extreme Oprah fans, there’s this little gem.

An Oprah for all sizes! (via Awesomely Luvvie)

An Oprah for all sizes! (via Awesomely Luvvie)

FYI, I’d totally wear the Gene Simmons one though.

Read more about it here.

12 thoughts on “Five Things: 11/22/13

  1. The “Nymphomaniac” YouTube video was removed but the film’s website has the trailer and five more teasers:

    I intend to see it when its released. Milton and I rather like Lars’s films. “Nymphomaniac” opens on Xmas day in Denmark and Spain so Santa Lars is coming to town there. These 2013 releases will apparently shut him out of a Cannes screening. They must be very happy about that after what happened last time.

  2. Oy. I vote for UN-fucked morons. That’s right, idiots don’t get laid any more…it could ONLY better the intellectual discourse, right?

    And thanks, I don’t need to wear Oprah. But that and other news like the knockout game makes me think I need it to be Martini Time a lot faster…

  3. Lars von Trier is a fucking moron. All the high-minded praise he receives comes from vapid idiots who want to sound all dangerous and downtown and whatnot. I’m sure he’s got a huge hit on his hands.

    Many, many years ago, before it was fashionable, I was walking down my street in Brooklyn and two kids came up to me, punched me in the face, and kept walking. They never said anything and didn’t ask for my wallet. It’s a very impressionable thing to have happen. It stays with you a long time. Lots and lots of revenge fantasies. It sows the seeds of racism.

    Why am I so upset that Oprah was awarded the Congressional Medal of Freedom? WHY?! If Oprah Winfrey had married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra. Ha. You have to say it out loud.

Push it out, shove it out, waaaaay out...

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