Five Things-Montana Edition: 4/17/14

If Montana ain’t careful, it’s gonna become the next Florida.

Case in point–

1)

Police: Suspect licks officer’s eye during arrest

(via The Montana Standard)

(via the Montana Standard)

(via the Montana Standard)

“A Walkerville man is accused of licking a police officer’s eye during his arrest.

Christopher Nicholas Hiatt, 34, is in jail on a felony charge of assault on a peace officer and misdemeanor charges of assault with a bodily fluid, criminal contempt and probation violation.”

Ok, what the entire fuck? Hiatt licked a cop’s eyeball? I understand licking a cop’s balls, but his eyeballs? How? Whaa? How did the cops let Hiatt get that close? What’s really going on here?

2) So..wait..is it possible that my Nigerian prince really isn’t a prince?

Fake money traced to Butte man: Counterfeit bills came from man’s Nigerian sweetheart, police say

(via The Montana Standard)

“Fraudulent money sent by a Butte man’s Nigerian sweetheart — whom he met on the Internet — has been traced as the source of some counterfeit bills circulating around town.

This weekend the man, who thought the cash was legitimate, attempted to use fake $100 bills to wire money to his girlfriend. The cash was used at Albertson’s, Walmart and Safeway to purchase money wires to Nigeria.

Police say $900 of the fake money has been recovered. But, they suspect about $3,000 in $100 bills may have been used by the man.”

Oops.

3) I’m so glad someone found my vibrator.

Fish Dildo: Bjørn Frilund, Norwegian Fisherman, Finds Orange Sex Toy In Cod’s Stomach; Maybe A ‘Frustrated Woman On A Cruise’ Threw It Overboard?

(via International Business Tribune)

Screen shot 2014-04-16 at 11.25.31 PM

 

 “Norwegian hobby fisherman Bjørn Frilund was in for a shock when he fileted a 5-pound cod he had just caught and found an orange dildo in the fish’s stomach.

“I was astonished,” Frilund, 64, told the Local, a Norwegian English language website, on Friday. “It was totally unexpected. I had never seen anything like this before.”

While it’s unclear how the sex toy became a meal for the cod, Frilund has a theory: “a frustrated woman on a cruise” chucked the dildo off a ship in the nearby Barents Sea and the fish mistook the sex toy for the fish’s typical prey.”

I may be frustrated, but I’m NOT that frustrated.  More importantly, I’d never toss a perfectly good dildo away.

Side note: “Fish Dildo” is a GREAT band name.

 

4) I wanna put my mouth on this.

Celebrate Easter with the bacon Easter egg

(via UPI/Odd News)

(via @TheEvilChris /Twitter)

(via @TheEvilChris /Twitter)

 

5) Turn it up. LOUD.