If Montana ain’t careful, it’s gonna become the next Florida.
Case in point–
1)
Police: Suspect licks officer’s eye during arrest
(via The Montana Standard)
(via the Montana Standard)
“A Walkerville man is accused of licking a police officer’s eye during his arrest.
Christopher Nicholas Hiatt, 34, is in jail on a felony charge of assault on a peace officer and misdemeanor charges of assault with a bodily fluid, criminal contempt and probation violation.”
Ok, what the entire fuck? Hiatt licked a cop’s eyeball? I understand licking a cop’s balls, but his eyeballs? How? Whaa? How did the cops let Hiatt get that close? What’s really going on here?
2) So..wait..is it possible that my Nigerian prince really isn’t a prince?
Fake money traced to Butte man: Counterfeit bills came from man’s Nigerian sweetheart, police say
(via The Montana Standard)
“Fraudulent money sent by a Butte man’s Nigerian sweetheart — whom he met on the Internet — has been traced as the source of some counterfeit bills circulating around town.
This weekend the man, who thought the cash was legitimate, attempted to use fake $100 bills to wire money to his girlfriend. The cash was used at Albertson’s, Walmart and Safeway to purchase money wires to Nigeria.
Police say $900 of the fake money has been recovered. But, they suspect about $3,000 in $100 bills may have been used by the man.”
Oops.
3) I’m so glad someone found my vibrator.
Fish Dildo: Bjørn Frilund, Norwegian Fisherman, Finds Orange Sex Toy In Cod’s Stomach; Maybe A ‘Frustrated Woman On A Cruise’ Threw It Overboard?
(via International Business Tribune)
“Norwegian hobby fisherman Bjørn Frilund was in for a shock when he fileted a 5-pound cod he had just caught and found an orange dildo in the fish’s stomach.
“I was astonished,” Frilund, 64, told the Local, a Norwegian English language website, on Friday. “It was totally unexpected. I had never seen anything like this before.”
While it’s unclear how the sex toy became a meal for the cod, Frilund has a theory: “a frustrated woman on a cruise” chucked the dildo off a ship in the nearby Barents Sea and the fish mistook the sex toy for the fish’s typical prey.”
I may be frustrated, but I’m NOT that frustrated. More importantly, I’d never toss a perfectly good dildo away.
Side note: “Fish Dildo” is a GREAT band name.
4) I wanna put my mouth on this.
Celebrate Easter with the bacon Easter egg
(via UPI/Odd News)
(via @TheEvilChris /Twitter)
5) Turn it up. LOUD.
Regarding the guy who found the dildo in the fish: “It was totally unexpected. I had never seen anything like this before” — who the hell would expect to see that while gutting a fish? Just sayin’. Had that fish swallowed a Bible whole … unusual, but who cares? This was infinitely more thought provoking. Good post, Jules.
I had to pay an extra $20 do have my eye licked. What the heck. The give it for free in Montana? Now you tell me.
THAT’S where that thing went!