Dawg Daze

Why, yes–I am back.

For the moment at least.

I’ve been buried in a story about this dead gal, and while it’s been quite the education, it has also taken over my life for the past month. I’m done and now I wait.

Yeah..yeah..yeah…I know we’re in the Dog Days of Summer and my three readers are probably either on vacation in Branson, or in prison. See, I figure that it’s been a while since I’ve paid any attention to this blog, it’s best that I don’t jump in–tits first–since most of my writing for the past month has been about serious stuff. I don’t know what’s funny anymore.

Fortunately, I have my fellow humans to once again prove to me that we live in a world that is always chock-full of weird and wacky shit. So, attention must be paid.

You know what? Sleep is so overrated. It is. Eight to 10 hours of shut-eye a night is for pussies. I’ve been an insomniac for years, and I’m not *quite* sure why my body/mind doesn’t require sleep, but I have a damn good idea as to what might be one of the many causes.

All I can say is HOLY FUCK.

New Spider from Laos Named after Actor Dominic Monaghan

I don’t give a red rat’s ass that there’s a spider named for some actor, it’s the fact that Mother Nature has decided that this world needs another fucking spider. Why a spider? WHY, DAMN YOU?!!? Is a new species of spider *really* necessary? Why not something harmless like a new horse species? Or an even hedgehog? (like that’s possible)

I’m off to buy a hermitically sealed house.

Oh… this kid needs therapy. Peepee whacking in this case should be done by someone with sharp stick. Yes, I understand this is what young lads do, but there is something fakakta about a ‘tween jackin’ it on mom’s Martex towels she got on special at Macy’s.

Yeah..yeah..yeah…Anthony Weiner. Big whup. You’re a choad, not because you were sexting (I mean really, who cares?), but because you said you weren’t going to do it anymore after your last very public “oops.” Plus, you think that New Yorkers are stupid, which we all know ain’t the case. True story–New Yorkers will always be the first ones to tell you just how smart they are. *YAWN.* What I love about this story is how the word ‘slutbag’ is now part of the McCrabass vernacular. The said thing is, Barbara Morgan will probably get a new job before I do.

I like this hed better: “Monkeys throw poo at selfish people.” Too bad the story isn’t about poo-flinging because that would be something I could get behind.

Finally, I am a journalist because I hope to cover a story like this someday soon.

Passenger said he only wanted to travel together with his ‘beloved’ pet
Screen shot 2013-08-02 at 8.48.17 PM

Aaaand I’m done.

 

Slayer Player Slayed?

On Thursday, 49-year old Slayer guitarist, Jeff Hanneman died of liver failure at a Los Angeles hospital.

Now, liver failure is not all that unusual–especially for a hard-livin’ rock star–but in this particular case it is. Some in the medical field are saying that a spider bite Hanneman received 2 years ago was the catalyst.

You read that correctly: A SPIDER BITE.

(courtesy Billboard.com)

(courtesy Billboard.com)

Here’s how the story goes: Apparently, whilst Hanneman was partaking in the ancient art of hot-tubbing, he got hisself bit by an arachnid. The owie healed–sort of–but Hanneman didn’t get medical help and soon necrotizing fasciitis set in.

Don’t know what that is? Well, I was about to post a pix of folks who had this ick, but the pix I found even made me wanna hurl, so I nixed it.

You’re welcome.

While I am not a huge Slayer fan (their music is too damn mellow for McCrabass), and I initially half-ignored the news of Hanneman’s death until I heard about the spider bite.

Some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt was when I got nipped by a Black Widow years ago, which is why this death-by-spider-bite-two-years-later angle has me flummoxed.

Spider bite deaths are rare in this day and age, which is why I am intrigued by what allegedly happened to Hanneman. I’ve heard of people almost losing body parts due to the toxic Brown Recluse bite.

But dying? There’s gotta be more to the this tale.

Until more is discovered, here’s a sweet, little slide show about the most toxic spiders on the planet. Hat-tip to the Daily Beast.

 

 

 

 

The Daily #epicfail

SEO, keywords and ads are very important to just about everything on the Internetz. They drive traffic to your site, get folks to read your stuff and hopefully click on the ads which then hopefully leads to an eventual purchase of the product they’re shilling.

Sometimes SEO/keywords work TOO well.

Case in point.

Notice anything odd about the ad directly below the hed? (By the by, the story is awesome. Check it out here.) ‘Nuff said.

Kinda reminds me of whenever I get an gmail from a Jewish friend, the ads on the side “turn” Jewish. When I open an email from say, a Mrs. Goldberg, ads for Bar Mitzvah caterers and mohels show up in the sidebar. Not kidding. Try it sometime.

Finally, You want me to do WHAT? Let’s take another spin around the parking lot with regards to big, fucking, poisonous spiders. 

WARNING: Sometimes FUCK is not strong enough a word.

Australians Being Asked To Capture Venomous Spiders

According to Aussie scientists, there’s a shortage of anti-venom of these fucking FUNNEL-WEB SPIDERS.

 

These arachnids have a bite so deadly that if the victim is not treated within an hour of being bitten, they could fucking die. F.U.C.K.I.N.G.  D.I.E.

THAT, my friends, is messed up. So, what do the purveyors of the Australian Reptile Park want Sydney residents to DO? They want these folks to get allll up in the spiders’ grills then CAPTURE & BRING THEM to the park where officials can MILK THEM. Yes, milk these spiders of their deadly venom. 

Read more about it here, if you dare. *shudder*

Oh, and watch a vidya here:

Fucking crikey.

 

 

Hed of the Day

I’ve said it a thousand times–I miss headline writing so much. One of my jobs as a copy editor at this healthcare business/policy pub I worked for back in the days of yore, was to write interesting headlines–which I did–but mine were never as interesting as this one.

Rosacea Possibly Caused by Tiny Mites Without Anuses Living on Your Face

From Gawker.com

I’m off to plunge my face in bleach.