Five-Oh Things-Oh! 10/14/13

Alright, alright, I’m back so y’all can rest your sphincters.

1) It’s time to stop the madness that are Open Letters. First, Sinead sent one to Miley Cyrus for being all slutty, trampy and gauche. Then, I believe another celeb sent one to Ms. Cyrus too, but I don’t care that much to look up who it was.

The latest person to join the fray is Sufjan Stevens.

See, he felt his relevancy slipping, so he decided to send her one too. Celebrities are so insufferable sometimes, you know?

(via Entertainment Weekly)

(via Entertainment Weekly)

When I stopped icing my head that was paining due to all of the eye rolling I was doing about the ridiculous open letter phenom, I found THIS gem. Have I mentioned how much I love my fellow copy editors?

Via Vice.com

DEAR SUFJAN: A COPY EDITOR CORRECTS SUFJAN STEVENS’S OPEN LETTER TO MILEY CYRUS

“Singer-songwriter Sufjan Stevens wrote an open letter to Miley Cyrus, correcting the grammar in her new song, “#GetItRight.” A VICE editor has copy-edited and corrected Sufjan’s letter to Miley, further suggesting some reading he might enjoy.”

‘Tis a thing of beauty.

(via Vice)

(via Vice)

Or, click here for a better view.

2) Hey all you New Jersey GOP folks, you’re about as classy as a fart in church. Wink, wink–I love how you’re telling voters not to vote in the US Senate special election on Wednesday, October 16, but to arrive at the poling places on the 15th. Niiiiice. See, you’re not even doing it correctly–you’re supposed to tell the voters to show up the day after the election. Get it? That’s what y’all have done in the past! They’ll never learn. Just like how they’ll never learn that trickle-down economics won’t, and don’t, work. I’ve been following this race closely and it would behoove the Republican candidate, Steve Lonegan, to change his campaign slogan to “That’s Your Problem, Not Mine” because he really is that big of an asshole. While Democrat Cory Booker will probably win this thing, he might want to stay away from vegan strip clubs.

Gail Collins does a much better job at talking about this election, AND Gov. Christie here.

(Side note: When I grow up, I wanna be Gail Collins.)

3) Like the story says, just go with it. Camel toe knickers for me? Why didn’t I think of that??!?

(via Dangerous Minds)

(via Dangerous Minds)

 

4) It’s all about who you are–on the inside.

Hello Kitty Breast Implants: Because It’s What Inside That Counts

Yes, my three readers, you read that correctly: Hello Kitty Breast Implants. You don’t believe me? Feast your peepers.

(via Incredible Things)

(via Incredible Things)

 

5) Finally, just watch this. It’s hysterical. Make sure the sound is on too, and that you don’t have issues with the heavy Scottish brogue. I’m sure I could translate for you seeing that these are my people–for a price, of course.

You’re welcome.

 

Shut. It. Down. 9/30/13

I’m tired and worn out from monitoring the shitfest that is Congress, so here’s a post before the lights go out. Yes, I love y’all that much.

Oh and there’s lots of salty language and general pissy-ness in this post due to what’s going on in D.C.

1) **Sarcastic slow clap for Congress.**

The shenanigans that have been going on during the past few days are completely ludicrous, embarrassing and yes, racist. Okay folks…lemme ‘splain one more time: We have a Black President, it’s time to get the fuck over it. The ACA is the law of the land, and acting like a bunch of whiny little pricks because you can’t control everything is so detrimental to this country and not to mention, democracy. What creases me is Congress–whose approval rating is hovering around 10 percent–is being controlled by a minority of dumbfuck ‘muricans who don’t know their assholes from their eyeballs. This seriously makes me wanna vomit.

2) Musical interlude.

3) A great American city is on life support. 

(via HumanEvents.com)

(via HumanEvents.com)

I came across this excellent photo essay today via the Daily Mail/UK.

Ghosts of students past: Fascinating pictures of a derelict Detroit school… mixed with evocative images from its heyday

(via Detroiturbex.com)

(via Detroiturbex.com)

  • Photos of Cass Technical High School in Detroit, Michigan, whose alumni include Diana Ross and Jack White
  • School moved to new building in 2005 which left original facility empty and it was later demolished last year
  • Largest school in Michigan by 1942 with 4,200 students attending eight-storey brick and limestone building

Click through this collection–the photos are stunning and humbling. The sad thing is, this could feasibly happen in every major city in the country if we’re not careful.

4) Hey, being born white is one helluva personal achievement. Where I fucked up is I WASN’T BORN MALE. What a filthy slut I am!

Via AutoStraddle and Jezebel.

Who’s Really to Blame for the Looming Government Shutdown? Sluts.

Yeah, a bunch of dried up white men with shriveled peens who probably haven’t had sex since Reagan was in power, are thinking about my cooch and how they can fuck with it without having to actually fuck it. Talk about a wasted hard-on, but in all seriousness, who would want to diddle these dudes? See, that’s why they’re pissed off–no self-respecting woman would EVAH see any of the conservative members’ members.

Bite me.

5) Apparently, there are folks out there who pay shit-tons of money to watch this.

(via ExtraLunchMoney.com)

(via ExtraLunchMoney.com)

It’s called CAKE SITTING. Yes. It is. True story. Do you really need me to explain it with words? I think not.

(via ixdaily.com)

(via ixdaily.com)

I’ve been looking for new revenue outlets and this might be the one for me. I like to bake and I like to sit. Sounds like a match made in heaven to me!

Five for Friday: September 27, 2013

Another work week has come to an end. While for me, the one who’s been unemployed for about 140 weeks, it’s just another day. To me, days just flow into one another. One doesn’t have more significance than another. They’re all the same to me.

I’m not being a Debbie Downer, it’s the truth. This is my life these days.

I’m living the dream, folks.

1) Who knew that Portland would have one of these?

(via CasaDiablo.org)

(via CasaDiablo.org)

I haven’t considered working there–not yet. But, it is tempting. I didn’t find this whilst trolling for jobs in Portland, I found about it via the media. Turns out, New Jersey’s Great Hope to Save ‘Murica From Itself has been embroiled in a milquetoast imbroglio with a ‘stripper model weirdo’ who peels her clothes off for moola at a vegan strip club in Portland, Oregon.

Wait..what? Who cares about the politico having secksy time via Twitter with a woman he ain’t supposed to that’s been done too much and is now very boring. Yawn. But…um.. A VEGAN STRIP CLUB? Get the fuck out! Now, I do understand the allure of vegan restaurants, vegan grocery stores, vegan vacations…but a strip club? Like knowing that the peelers don’t wear animal products and that the food menu is vegan. Yeaa haa. Super. How PC. Very cool, very hip.

One question: Who goes to a strip club because it’s vegan.

You’re doing it wrong. Or, it’s so right that it just blew my mind.

2) Food of The Gods.

Screen shot 2013-09-27 at 1.51.00 PM

 

It’s Oreo Peanut Butter. I can die happy now.

3) Ahhh…. my hometown. From DNAInfo.com

Prof’s Former Student Arrested after Crush Turned to Stalking, Police Say

“COOK COUNTY CRIMINAL COURTHOUSE —  A former Harold Washington College student’s crush turned criminal when she was arrested for stalking, authorities said.

Ghemeilia Butler, arrested 10 times for trespassing at the city college and for stalking her old teacher, “imagined in her mind that the two of them had a relationship.”

(via Chicago Police Department)

(via Chicago Police Department)

Ok, ok…I understand how some folks get all ‘hot for teacher’–I think that’s a very common occurrence. Those crushes usually disappear within a week, or by 4th period. But, this is a 34-year old woman, and she was in college and the whole thing is just stinkin’ weird–especially this part:

“Butler was a student of the unidentified professor for only half a semester in 2011, Assistant State’s Attorney Lorraine Scaduto said.

Scaduto said Butler has been arrested 10 times for trespassing and violating an order of protection the teacher has against her.

Butler also sent more than 500 pages of emails to the professor, at one point suggesting that the two “get married and live in the victim’s classroom,” Scaduto said.”

Yep, I’m still cringing too.

4) And I thought meth was bad.

via MoralLowGround.com

Flesh-Eating Drug Krokodil Hospitalizes 2 in Arizona

(DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! Extremely graphic video!)

“Medical authorities in Arizona have reported the arrival of a frightening flesh-eating drug that’s sent two people to the hospital with horrific injuries.

KLTV reports desomorphine, commonly called Krokodil, is very popular among the poor in Russia, but until now, there has been little or no reported use of the homemade drug in the United States.

Krokodil, a potentially deadly mix of codeine and hydrocarbons such as oil, gasoline, alcohol or paint thinner, causes flesh to rot from the inside out and can result in users developing festering sores that resemble crocodile skin, hence the drug’s name. Users inject it into their veins, which causes severe damage to blood vessels and tissue and, in some cases, rots flesh so completely that raw bone becomes exposed. Although Krokodil is boiled before injection, potentially lethal impurities remain.

According to KSAZ, doctors claim the average life expectancy of a Krokodil user is about three years, as the drug literally eats addicts alive.”

You take this drug and you rot from the inside out. Then, you die. Does anything else need to be said on the subject?

Yes.

Russia is a shit hole.

And ..

Don’t fucking inject this shit into your body!

5) One of my favorite songs.

 

 

Cinco Cosas Para 23 de Septiembre 2013

Psych! This ain’t gonna be in Spanish. I don’t speak a lick of it, folks. Sorry.

1) So, I’m getting the feeling that my fellow humans are untrained in the basics of wiping one’s ass. I don’t know if it’s because folks are lazy as all hell these days, or if some feel that someone else should wipe their ass for them, or because they’re just fucking heinous in general. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was example number three.

Instead of folks getting off their lazy asses–so to speak–our friends in the asswipe industry, have come up with a few products to aid in the evil-eye wiping process.

(via Gawker)

(via Gawker)

They’re baby wipes for grownups, and bravo! What a grand idea! However, there’s a problem–you ain’t supposed to flush these things, and as a result, these wipes be cloggin’ up the sewer systems.

Via the AP.

“The problem got so bad in this western New York community this summer that sewer officials set up traps — basket strainers in sections of pipe leading to an oft-clogged pump — to figure out which households the wipes were coming from. They mailed letters and then pleaded in person for residents to stop flushing them.

“We could walk right up, knock on the door and say, ‘Listen, this problem is coming right from your house,'” said Tom Walsh, senior project coordinator at South & Center Chautauqua Lake Sewer Districts, which was dispatching crews at least once a week to clear a grinder pump that would seize up trying to shred the fibrous wipes.”

“My team regularly goes sewer diving” to analyze what’s causing problems, said Trina McCormick, a senior manager at Kimberly-Clark Corp., maker of Cottonelle. “We’ve seen the majority, 90 percent in fact, are items that are not supposed to be flushed, like paper towels, feminine products or baby wipes.”

Let me get this straight–some paper product companies have dudes on staff whose jobs are to set up traps for dirty asswipes, then go to the offending household and tell the denizens of said abode(s) to stop flushing the wipes and perhaps learn how to CLEAN ONE’S DIRTY ANUS WITH ACTUAL TOILET PAPER, YOU KNOW, THAT KIND THAT’S ACTUALLY FLUSHABLE?

Perhaps bidets aren’t such a crazy concept after all.

2) Go for it. I’m not done making fun of you yet, Mrs. Palin.

3) Neil Patrick Harris needs to sit down. I’ve never seen a more self-involved awards show host in my entire life. Due to his over-inflated ego (and the fact that he produced the show), we had to sit through two too many song and dance numbers which eliminated four ACTING categories from last night’s broadcast to make up for time. All of the guest performer awards were given out at the “You’re Not Important Enough for the Real Emmys” event that probably took place in a bathroom in Griffith Park.

(via entertainment.time.com)

(via entertainment.time.com)

Also, very short clips of of the nominees’ performances were shown–you know–like they do during the Oscars. Someone help me out here–the Emmys are an awards show for tee vee performances, yes? The performances are awarded, same with the writing, directing, etc. It’s not a venue for showing off your dancing and comedy chops to the audience. Hey, NPH, there is such a place for that act–tis called a one-man show.

4) See, this is why science is GOOD. It’s VERY, VERY GOOD. We get to learn tidbits like this.

via Discovery.com

Kaboom! Milky Way’s Black Hole Erupted 2 Million Years Ago

(via Discovery.com)

(via Discovery.com)

5) Veep Dickem Cheney got mocked by a dude in a kilt for being a shitty shot.

I’ll just leave this here.

Five Things: September 19, 2013

I thought I’d put my Feedly reader to good use and point out some of the more outrageous/interesting/heinous/gnarly/silly, etc. stories cruising around out there.

1) Apparently, Stand Your Ground REALLY only applies to white folks when they shoot black and brown folks, not the other way around. How dare you think that the law is applied evenly and fairly? You think it is? Then, it’s time to take off your fucking rose-colored specs because they’re blinders smeared with shit. Seriously. Don’t believe me? Check this out.

H/t to politicalblindspot.com

ANOTHER Jailed African American In Florida Is Told ‘Stand Your Ground’ Doesn’t Apply To Him

Screen shot 2013-09-19 at 3.28.59 PM

Michael Giles (courtesy of PoliticalBlindspot.com)

Funny thing about laws, they gotta apply to everyone. Oh wait, this is Florida so there’s the rub. While I am not a fan of online petitions, this one might be worth signing.

2) It’s deja-vu–1991 style–all over again.

Why?

Gennifer Flowers is back in the news. She’s now yammering about how that if it weren’t for Chelsea, she and Bill would be all married up n’ shit by now. Oh, and Hillary’s a bi-seck-shul, by the way according to Gennifer via Bill. AND, Hill’s eaten more pussy than Bill. Just sit with that one for a minute. Let it absorb in your being and ooze in and out of your  ….

I know what you’re trying to do now–you’re trying to get that image of Hillary muff diving out of your mental Rolodex. You know what? IT CANNOT BE DONE. I’m sure some of my Sapphic Sisters can relate though.

(courtesy of monstersandcritics.com)

(courtesy of monstersandcritics.com)

You get what’s going on here, yes? Well, Hillary will probably run for POTUS in 2016, so the Right Wing is starting early with the rumor mill. HOWEVER, what they probably don’t realize is that by saying that Hillary swings both ways, she’s collected all of the gay money and has shored up the gay vote. Gays have lots of cash and lots to say, and unfortunately for our brothers and sisters on the right, lots and lots of influence. Nice try, RWNJ, better put a call into Monica to see what she’s been up to lately, you know, as a ‘just in case.’ If Monica is busy, there’s always her.

3) Good luck, Felony. You’re gonna need it.

(via imgur.com)

(via imgur.com)

4) Bring up your dead. I know you saw what I did there.

This case is still very much alive in Boulder these days.

Here’s what I’m talking about. Apparently, some folks just can’t let dead baby beauty queens stay dead. This was a horrible case–not just the actual crime, but how it was handled and screwed up by the Boulder Police Department and the Boulder DA.

(via KTLA)

(via KTLA)

But, what’s extremely important here is the indictment against the Ramseys was never made available to the public. It was presented to a grand jury, they voted to prosecute the Ramseys for the murder of their daughter, JonBenet, but the prosecutor never signed it. Why? This is what Charlie Brennan, a reporter for the Daily Camera and the Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press would like to know. Simply put, in a so-called free society, there has to be transparency. As journalists, this is our main job–to be watchdogs for and of society. We uncover the corruption, the crap–the bad behavior if you will–that so many of our esteemed elected officials would rather you not know about. I know I’ll be following this story because I don’t think it’s over yet. Stay tuned.

5) Finally, a song for today. Tis a grand one too. Enjoy.

Dawg Daze

Why, yes–I am back.

For the moment at least.

I’ve been buried in a story about this dead gal, and while it’s been quite the education, it has also taken over my life for the past month. I’m done and now I wait.

Yeah..yeah..yeah…I know we’re in the Dog Days of Summer and my three readers are probably either on vacation in Branson, or in prison. See, I figure that it’s been a while since I’ve paid any attention to this blog, it’s best that I don’t jump in–tits first–since most of my writing for the past month has been about serious stuff. I don’t know what’s funny anymore.

Fortunately, I have my fellow humans to once again prove to me that we live in a world that is always chock-full of weird and wacky shit. So, attention must be paid.

You know what? Sleep is so overrated. It is. Eight to 10 hours of shut-eye a night is for pussies. I’ve been an insomniac for years, and I’m not *quite* sure why my body/mind doesn’t require sleep, but I have a damn good idea as to what might be one of the many causes.

All I can say is HOLY FUCK.

New Spider from Laos Named after Actor Dominic Monaghan

I don’t give a red rat’s ass that there’s a spider named for some actor, it’s the fact that Mother Nature has decided that this world needs another fucking spider. Why a spider? WHY, DAMN YOU?!!? Is a new species of spider *really* necessary? Why not something harmless like a new horse species? Or an even hedgehog? (like that’s possible)

I’m off to buy a hermitically sealed house.

Oh… this kid needs therapy. Peepee whacking in this case should be done by someone with sharp stick. Yes, I understand this is what young lads do, but there is something fakakta about a ‘tween jackin’ it on mom’s Martex towels she got on special at Macy’s.

Yeah..yeah..yeah…Anthony Weiner. Big whup. You’re a choad, not because you were sexting (I mean really, who cares?), but because you said you weren’t going to do it anymore after your last very public “oops.” Plus, you think that New Yorkers are stupid, which we all know ain’t the case. True story–New Yorkers will always be the first ones to tell you just how smart they are. *YAWN.* What I love about this story is how the word ‘slutbag’ is now part of the McCrabass vernacular. The said thing is, Barbara Morgan will probably get a new job before I do.

I like this hed better: “Monkeys throw poo at selfish people.” Too bad the story isn’t about poo-flinging because that would be something I could get behind.

Finally, I am a journalist because I hope to cover a story like this someday soon.

Passenger said he only wanted to travel together with his ‘beloved’ pet
Screen shot 2013-08-02 at 8.48.17 PM

Aaaand I’m done.

 

A Sad Day for Comedy

Comedians and political pundits from sea to shining sea of this great nation are weeping, filing away their glitter jokes and putting their show tunes libraries in hidden folders in iTunes because Michele Bachmann is not running for re-election.

What? You don’t believe me? Well, have a look-see, pals.

I’m sad the Tea Party Temptress will no longer be around. I won’t miss her politics, but I will miss the endless supply of comedy gold she supplies to people like me. Ted Cruz, Tom Coburn, James Inhofe, Rick Perry and Rand Paul just don’t ooze unintentional comic material the way that Bachmann does.

Corndog1-384x288

Now, I need to add a wrinkle. I won’t miss Michele as much as I will miss her Marcus–her beloved pray-the-gay-away psychologist husband/stylist/constant companion and hopefully, First Husband (sigh–someday–somewhere over the rainbow).

marcusandhiscorndoggiejjfjfjf

SQUEE!

Who knows what the future holds for Michele–ahem–but I must admit that I’m looking forward to her plethora of fab pantsuits on the campaign trail in a couple of years. I look forward to hearing her screech about Vince Foster and Whitewater as a lame attempt to bring Hillary down to her level. That’ll be fun. I just hope I’m covering that campaign.

As for Marcus? Well, there’s this image.

You’re welcome.

(ps: I’ll be the broad pushing the drink cart.)

Twistin’ in the Wind

While the residents of Moore, Oklahoma are coming to grips with the horror that happened yesterday, their beloved Senators didn’t waste any time in boning them hard in the hoo-haa. Actually, Sen. Coburn would probably prefer to diddle the poor of this country as roughly as possible, but it looks like Sen. Inhofe isn’t sure if he’d like to aid in lubrication–granted it doesn’t cost too much and loosen up other parts of the body–so to speak.

A little rough for you? Too bad. If you’re offended by my salty language, you’re not paying attention.

See, if you haven’t noticed, the GOP has this thing about NOT helping the poor, and they’ll go to any lengths to do it–including stalling federal monies to help out disaster-ridden areas until cuts are made to OFF-SET the costs of disaster relief. Where are these cuts supposed to occur, you ask? Why, to programs that benefit the poor and under-served in this country, that’s where! C’mon guys! We allll know that the folks/entities who REALLY need our help are the 1 percent and big oil! Wee! (Like I had to tell you. If you don’t know, then once again, you ain’t paying attention.)

Sen. Tom Coburn (courtesy AP)

Sen. Tom Coburn (courtesy AP)

See, Coburn’s misguided and archaic conservative values are more important than actually helping his constituents, and he’ll get away with it because he’s retiring in 2016. He doesn’t have to worry about re-election so why the hell not?

The ideology of Coburn and his ilk is much more important than ensuring that US citizens are relatively safe and cared for. What’s even more disturbing is there isn’t any economic rationale for this choady behavior. In other words, they’re doing it just to be assholes.

What I find surprising is none of the pundits and other GOP mouthpieces haven’t come out in support of Coburn … yet. I’m hoping that maybe they’re just as in shock as the rest of us who care about our fellow Americans, and believe that we need to pull together when disaster strikes.

But, who knows.

However, if memory serves, his fellow conservative legislators will be toeing the Coburn line soon enough. Before that happens, I hope they all have the balls to watch some of the footage of survivors, and witness the anguish on the faces of those who lost loved ones in the twister.

I’ll even provide a smidgen of the footage for them to look at whilst yanking the puds of BP, Wall Street et al.

“Second don’t count!”

Tomorrow, I will once again join the muckraking force and cover the corruption trial of Cook County Commissioner William Beavers.

William Beavers (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune)

William Beavers (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune)

Now, if you’ve been reading my blogs through the years AND if you pay any attention to politics in this country, you understand that Illinois politics–especially Chicago and Cook County politics–are a blood sport. We currently have two former-governors in prison, and if you’re an Illinois pol and aren’t either under investigation at some point in your career OR haven’t spent time in the pokey for something you did whilst in office, well, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. You’re a disappointment to the rich history that is the Illinois political carnival.

Freak show is more like it, come to think of it.

Back to Beavers, I interviewed him years ago after the whole John Stroger/Forrest Claypool Democratic primary showdown for the Cook County President election in 2006. See, Stroger stroked-out during the last days of the campaign and it’s alleged that his campaign kept it secret until the last possible second. Of course they did. Duh.  That’s the Chicago way.

So, when Stroger was declared non-compis mentis, many felt that the runner-up, Claypool, should’ve been handed the wheel to go head-to-head with the Republican challenger, Tony Peraica. Even though Claypool lost to Stroger in the primary, the Cook County Democratic Party endorsed Stroger’s spawn, Todd Stroger, to run against Peraica.

Forrest Claypool

Forrest Claypool

Seriously–that’s like handing the casinos over to Fredo Corleone and telling him to have at it.

Anyhoo, I was in grad school during this whole Cook County President kerfuffle and had the dubious honor of interviewing Commissioner Beavers–who also happened to sucking the teat of the Stroger clan–about what was going on. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Commissioner Beavers–Now that John Stroger is basically circling the drain, doesn’t it seem fair to put the second place finisher–Claypool–up against Peraica?

Beavers: Huh? What’s that now? The second place finisher? Fair?? You kiddin’ me?? Well, lemme tell you something honey, SECOND DON’T COUNT!

There endeth the interview.

The Toddler won, which made for some fun times in Cook County. Seriously. A roasting pan would have done a better job at running Cook County than Todd did.

Starting tomorrow, check out gapersblock.com for my tales from the crypt that is the Dirksen Federal Court Building.

 

 

America, This Is What Stupid Sounds Like

I love America. I was born and raised here. My mom’s side of the family arrived around the same time as the pilgrims. (My dad’s side will be discussed in a later post.) However, I have a feeling that my ancestors weren’t has homely looking, or as poorly dressed as John Smith and his pasty ilk were. Also, I’m quite certain that my female ancestors weren’t afraid to show a little leg or cleavage whilst plowing the fields or milking the cows.

Hey, it’s how us McCrabass broads are wired–we like to show off our lovely, freckle-y skin.

America’s a great place, but it also sucks. Especially these days.

Over the past couple of years, America has become the Land of the Stupid. I could cite example after example of American stupidity, but I don’t want to depress everyone AND I’m sure that most of y’all know exactly which examples are bouncing around in my noggin. What’s truly vexing is that stupidity is applauded and encouraged by some of my fellow Americans–this action is egged-on by the mouth-breathers of our humble society.

However, these two stories that showed up in my news feed are worth mentioning because they are the apex of stupid.

The first example is from Buzzfeed:

Missouri Lawmaker Introduces Bill To Make It A Felony To Propose Gun Control Legislation

“I filed HB 633 as a matter of principle and as a statement in defense of the Second Amendment rights of all Missourians.”

“A Missouri state lawmaker wants to make it a crime to propose any gun control legislation. Mike Leara, a Republican who represents suburban St. Louis, introduced a bill making it a class D felony for any member of the Missouri legislator to introduced a bill to that effect.

“Any member of the general assembly who proposes a piece of legislation that further restricts the right of an individual to bear arms, as set forth under the second amendment of the Constitution of the United States, shall be guilty of a class D felony,” the bills reads.

But the state lawmaker doesn’t expect the bill to go anywhere, saying he submitted it as a matter of principle.

“I filed HB 633 as a matter of principle and as a statement in defense of the Second Amendment rights of all Missourians,” Leara said in a statement provided to BuzzFeed. “I have no illusions about the bill making it through the legislative process, but I want it to be clear that the Missouri House will stand in defense of the people’s Constitutional right to keep and bear arms.”

I don’t know about y’all, and I’ve talked about this before on here and elsewhere, but it’s exhausting living in a God-fearin’ country where guns have more rights than humans. It’s bullshit. But this latest act by Misery State Rep. Mike Leara, just shows how far we as a society have fallen on the Stupid Scale.

I know, I know, I’m asking a lot from the state that unleashed rape’s champion Todd Akin on the rest of the country.

I had just enough time to catch my breath from the above story, when this story showed up in my feed.

I.. I… just… cannot …

Mary Sue McClurkin, Alabama GOP Lawmaker, Claims A Baby Is The ‘Largest Organ In A Body’

From HuffPo.

I’m at a loss. This is a prime example of American intelligence being wiped out right before our eyes.

Read, please:

“Alabama state Rep. Mary Sue McClurkin (R) is pushing legislation that would impose restrictions on abortion clinics — a move that she argues is necessary because the procedure is a major surgery that removes the largest “organ” in a woman’s body.

“When a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body,” McClurkin told the Montgomery Advertiser on Thursday. “That’s a big thing. That’s a big surgery. You don’t have any other organs in your body that are bigger than that.”

Even my friends who are anti-choice have got to agree with me that considering a baby to be an organ in a woman’s body is one of the stupidest ideas ever. So, this got me thinking–what about other organs? If you have your intestine removed, is that considered murder? Is Lasik eye surgery consider an assault? What’s really frightening is the person who introduced this bill has the same lady parts that I have and supposedly considers herself a woman. Biology considers her a woman too. Huh. Interesting. The big difference between the two of us is I took a bunch of biology/science classes in school and have parents who aren’t morons. Ms. McClurkin probably learned about S-E-X via her parents and Sunday school teachers who used euphemisms for the female and male body parts: flower or wee-wee instead of vajay, pee-pee for peen, etc. You get the idea. She probably learned that babies were put in mommy’s tumtum by God or by the Jesus. Or by some type of schooling not based in reality.

How Ms. McClurkin learned about the birds & the bees is just a smidgen of the what the real problem is–the dumbing down of America when it comes to, well, everything.

What’s even more depressing is, things are gonna get stupider all up in here.