I Have Man Boobs

No, not really. I just needed to lure y’all into my post here by using tittehs as my hook. Works like a charm every time–especially if you’re into men with breastesses.

(courtesy manboobsguide.com NOT. KIDDING.)

(courtesy manboobsguide.com NOT. KIDDING.)

Man boobs are very popular these days. I mean, I keep seeing stories about ’em all over the place. Nothing can contain them it seems.

Case in point:

From BBC.com

Increase in male breast reduction surgery

Apparently in the UK, men with squeeze boxes they wear on their chests don’t like wearing them no more. So, men are getting them taken down a cup size or two or three, and in 2011 roughly 790 of these surgeries were performed. This number has doubled in the past five years. In boring doctor terms, this condition is called gynaecomastia.

I guess men don’t like the nipple tenderness and the embarrassment the manly mams cause. Guess they don’t like having their tits stared at on an hourly basis EITHER. It’s like a mammary quid pro quo. I wish this surgery wasn’t an option for some men because then they’d have to deal with motor-boating jokes and nips that are allll about living the high-beam life.

Of course, now that men have boobs, modern medicine is jumping through worn out bras to figure out a way to help ’em get rid of them.

Huh. Most men spend their whole lives wanting to fondle the goods, but once the good lord has blessed them with a pair of their own, they no likey the jumblies so much anymore.

Have a piece of irony pie.

I have a rule I follow, wanna hear it? Sure you do: Never date a man whose boobs are bigger than yours. It’s just smart living.

Secksy.

Secksy.

Why were these invented?

What do you spake of, dearest Julia?

Oh. WHITE CHOCOLATE LIFE-SIZE BABY HEADS.

 

I hate chocolate now. (courtesy of Huffington Post)

I hate chocolate now. (courtesy of Huffington Post)

Some person who hates babies and grown-ups, felt they were necessary for the planet. Now, this person must be destroyed, or at least never, ever be let out in public again.

The Daily #Epicfail-Media Whore Style!

Way to go, NBC.

You deemed the Kardashian klan more important than acknowledging the 3,000+ victims killed in the worst terrorist attack on American soil. Shame on you. The other networks participated in the moment of silence at Ground Zero, along with the Whitehouse, NYPD, NYFD and other municipalities around the country.

Watch the interview here.

Oh, and both the Obama and Romney presidential campaigns decided to suspend their negative ads today. Wow, that’s mighty big of both of them. I can’t wait for the low-brow bickering to start again at midnight! *thrilled*

But, about NBC and their fuck-up. I know boobs are important to media prominence, but we’re talking about the Kardashians.

Wait, I saw what I did there–I’m referring to the female breast, not a dunce or a fool. Huh. Come to think of it, I AM talking about both types of boobs!

However, I digress.

Back to “The Today Show” and the Kardashians — the media whores who’ve contributed jack shit to this society except for giving permission for folks to strive for mediocrity.

And, I’m not just talking about the Kardashians here, *ahem*.

It’ll be interesting to see if the Kardashians have the klass to acknowledge the importance of remembering what happened on September 11, 2001.

Hmm..I wonder if they even know WHAT exactly happened on the horrible day. I highly doubt it.

And then some ..

First, this parody has me giggling uncontrollably. Just watch it — you’ll like it — trust me. (thanks to Braulio B. for this. MWAH!)

“Wouldn’t this fake job be better if these girls could see each other’s cleavage and kiss?”

Sadly, I doubt the boner killers would’ve helped the woman in the next story.

Apparently, overrated comic and whatever he is, Russell Brand, managed to get a tongue lashing by co-star Billy Connolly for insisting a wardrobe assistant flash her delicates at Brand before he donned his costume for the Eric Idle musical “What About Dick?” The story goes that production on the film was delayed for a some time while Brand begged and pleaded with the assistant to flash her boobs for him.

Really?

(image courtesy USA Today)

Brand is supposedly a big star who allegedly has chochas of all shapes/sizes/smells flying at him from all angles at all times of the day and night, and he has to bully some wardrobe assistant (who’s probably just doing that shitty job to beef up her resume so she can get onto something big like, say “Game of Thrones”) for a titty show? Isn’t that what strip clubs are for? Or his ex-wife Katy Perry? Let’s face it –Brand is adored by those who believe that Dane Cook is a comic genius and that the “Twilight” film series ranks up there with anything Scorcese has ever done. In other words, he sucks.

Now, if I had been the wardrobe assistant, I would’ve obliged. Why? Because me shoving my breasticles in Brand’s ironically bearded visage would’ve caused him a certain amount of humiliation and pain. What about harming me? Well, that act would’ve mirrored any Tuesday for me.

Finally, there’s nothing like having a craptastic mother who doesn’t quite grasp the concept of social media and what can happen to you when you post on your Facebook page a video of two kids going at it like pit bulls in a ring.

Ding Dong — social services gets called and the story breaks wide.

Warning: The vid is tough to watch.