To the Core

It’s been a while since I’ve done Bikram. Freelance work has kept me away from everything except the newsroom and regular household/life duties. Today I went back and while it was good to be back, it wasn’t good to be back. I felt old, out of shape, stiff, clumsy, beat up, and grody. These feelings brought tears to my eyes during the standing series–a common reaction for yoga practitioners. I couldn’t let go of these feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing due to my lack of fitness and mental anguish over my professional life (or lack thereof).

I managed to push on through and have the best session I could have today. This was accomplished by sitting out some of the poses and letting the energy of the room flow over me. Yes, you read that last bit correctly–hardass McCrabass actually allowed the energy of others pierce her dark, disturbed, bitch-filled core. What’s even more shocking is that it felt pretty damn good. I just let it go–the energy came in and the tears came tumbling down. It’s tough to be vulnerable like that and I don’t care for it at all. But, vulnerability has its charms and a purpose, or purposes. I have an idea as to what they are, but I want to experience them first before I expound on them further.

Until then, let’s talk about core strength. I am in desperate need of restructuring/retrofitting mine. As a result, I’ve been researching core strengthening exercises and the most effective one I’ve come across is The Plank Sure it looks easy, but it ain’t. I figured I need to mix it up a titch more, and noticed that my friend Shannon had posted a series of plank exercises on her Google+ page. Damn. I figure if I do these exercises 4-5 times a week plus Bikram 4-5 times a week as well, my core will be in passable shape by mid-October.  Why mid-October you ask? Because I signed up for a clinic at Bikram Yoga Andersonville with Mary Jarvis in October, and I don’t care to look like an Rush Limbaugh-esque fat idiot (redundant I know)  in front a Bikram legend.

Next on the list? Researching docs who will surgically wire my jaw shut so I can’t eat. Stay tuned.

On My Camel

Camel Vs. Camel

Life is filled with firsts. Your first period, your first erection, your first bra, the first time you cheat on a test, the first time you sleep with your college lit professor, the first time you get so drunk you pass out in Moe’s AMC Pacer and the first time you do Camel Pose without wanting to puke. Today, I experienced my first Camel without wanting to vomit on my rental mat. Oh, and it was my first erection EVER but that’s a story for another time.

For those of y’all who are unfamiliar with Camel, it’s this one. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Ha! That doesn’t look too hard! Pfft! I can do that in my sleep after chugging cheap gin and eating Taquitos!” G’head. Give it a try, but when you do, don’t for get to breathe only through your nose, keep your ass-cheeks tight, push your hips and thighs forward throughout the entire posture, lift your chest up, relax your face and keep looking for the ground with your eyes. OH, and keep your eyes open otherwise you’ll get dizzy. Now, try to get out of the pose the same way you went into it: by moving your hands up your ass to your middle back one at a time without twisting around. Otherwise you’ll really hurt yourself. My camel even captured the attention of the teacher: She called my camel “strong and beautiful.”

Made my day.

So, why is this important? Anyone who practices yoga or does any type of exercise routine, or participates in a sport that requires using both your physical and mental being to work together, understands how important to one’s self-esteem an accomplishment like this it. This is a very difficult pose because it’s the biggest backbend in the series, and it has been known to cause one to puke. Also, photos of this pose are deceiving because it looks easier than it is. Once you start the pose, you quickly realize just how difficult it is to do–but that’s the challenge of Bikram or any yoga practice. It’s difficult but you do it anyway. You challenge yourself–your whole self, not just the physical.

That’s yoga. At least, that’s what yoga is to me.

This is a huge victory for me.

Now, if I’m able to do this again tomorrow, I’ll be even more surprised.

Who knows … maybe the dam is starting to break.

PS: Oh me oh me oh my. I wanna go.