“Second don’t count!”

Tomorrow, I will once again join the muckraking force and cover the corruption trial of Cook County Commissioner William Beavers.

William Beavers (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune)

William Beavers (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune)

Now, if you’ve been reading my blogs through the years AND if you pay any attention to politics in this country, you understand that Illinois politics–especially Chicago and Cook County politics–are a blood sport. We currently have two former-governors in prison, and if you’re an Illinois pol and aren’t either under investigation at some point in your career OR haven’t spent time in the pokey for something you did whilst in office, well, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. You’re a disappointment to the rich history that is the Illinois political carnival.

Freak show is more like it, come to think of it.

Back to Beavers, I interviewed him years ago after the whole John Stroger/Forrest Claypool Democratic primary showdown for the Cook County President election in 2006. See, Stroger stroked-out during the last days of the campaign and it’s alleged that his campaign kept it secret until the last possible second. Of course they did. Duh.  That’s the Chicago way.

So, when Stroger was declared non-compis mentis, many felt that the runner-up, Claypool, should’ve been handed the wheel to go head-to-head with the Republican challenger, Tony Peraica. Even though Claypool lost to Stroger in the primary, the Cook County Democratic Party endorsed Stroger’s spawn, Todd Stroger, to run against Peraica.

Forrest Claypool

Forrest Claypool

Seriously–that’s like handing the casinos over to Fredo Corleone and telling him to have at it.

Anyhoo, I was in grad school during this whole Cook County President kerfuffle and had the dubious honor of interviewing Commissioner Beavers–who also happened to sucking the teat of the Stroger clan–about what was going on. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Commissioner Beavers–Now that John Stroger is basically circling the drain, doesn’t it seem fair to put the second place finisher–Claypool–up against Peraica?

Beavers: Huh? What’s that now? The second place finisher? Fair?? You kiddin’ me?? Well, lemme tell you something honey, SECOND DON’T COUNT!

There endeth the interview.

The Toddler won, which made for some fun times in Cook County. Seriously. A roasting pan would have done a better job at running Cook County than Todd did.

Starting tomorrow, check out gapersblock.com for my tales from the crypt that is the Dirksen Federal Court Building.

 

 

Eau de Choad

(courtesy of ChicagoTribune.com)

William Beavers (courtesy of ChicagoTribune.com)

My apologies for not posting the past few days, and I’m sure my three readers are quite apoplectic about my absence. I’ve been covering a couple of YUUUUUUUUGE high-profile court cases in Chicago–all of which have been postponed until Dec. 17th and Jan. 31st.

For those of you who pay attention to the blood sport that IS Illinois politics, did you notice any familiar faces on the Beavers team? No? Yes? Short memories I guess. Sam Adam and Son are once again defending yet another notorious pol since they did such a bang up job with this one.

On a side note, I’ve interviewed Commissioner Beavers several times and next to this guy, he gives the best soundbites ever.

Daley pissed

Now onto the serious stuff.

I thought the Nuge would be either dead or in jail by now. I hate it when famous people don’t keep their word. It really creases me. He needs to have some sense knocked into him–perhaps by that wang dang sweet poontang he claims to have had once upon a time.

Perhaps someone should inform his ugly ass that most welfare recipients are, um WHITE.

Nugent: Budget deal should suspend welfare recipients’ voting rights

from Raw Story.

“Conservative rocker Ted Nugent is urging the Republican Party to “stop the insanity” and insist that voting rights be suspended for welfare recipients as a part of a larger budget deal.

In his Monday Washington Times column, Nugent ranted that talk about raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans proved that Washington was a “financial insane asylum.”

“What we need is a wholesale, top-to-bottom assessment of the federal government, and then we need to slash and burn all Fedzilla departments, agencies and offices that are not constitutionally required or deemed vital,” he wrote. “This should be fundamental before any deals are cut regarding new taxes.”

I don’t know what is more disturbing–his room temperature IQ when it comes to, well, everything, the fact that people still pay attention to him OR that he has an actual newspaper column.

The 1970s called–it wants Nugent back. Shit, he should never, ever be allowed to leave that decade. Let him fuck teenage girls, live out his Vietnamese girl fetish and shoot defenseless animals in peace–just leave the real stuff to people who actually know what the fuck they’re talking about. If the GOP had any sense (I know, I know, I saw it), they’d stuff his maw with some sweet poontang then tape it there so he’s unable to do anything else EVER. But they won’t since today’s GOP is a big bunch of pussies.

Or, better yet, play him this.

NEEEEEEEXT!