“Second don’t count!”

Tomorrow, I will once again join the muckraking force and cover the corruption trial of Cook County Commissioner William Beavers.

William Beavers (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune)

William Beavers (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune)

Now, if you’ve been reading my blogs through the years AND if you pay any attention to politics in this country, you understand that Illinois politics–especially Chicago and Cook County politics–are a blood sport. We currently have two former-governors in prison, and if you’re an Illinois pol and aren’t either under investigation at some point in your career OR haven’t spent time in the pokey for something you did whilst in office, well, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. You’re a disappointment to the rich history that is the Illinois political carnival.

Freak show is more like it, come to think of it.

Back to Beavers, I interviewed him years ago after the whole John Stroger/Forrest Claypool Democratic primary showdown for the Cook County President election in 2006. See, Stroger stroked-out during the last days of the campaign and it’s alleged that his campaign kept it secret until the last possible second. Of course they did. Duh.  That’s the Chicago way.

So, when Stroger was declared non-compis mentis, many felt that the runner-up, Claypool, should’ve been handed the wheel to go head-to-head with the Republican challenger, Tony Peraica. Even though Claypool lost to Stroger in the primary, the Cook County Democratic Party endorsed Stroger’s spawn, Todd Stroger, to run against Peraica.

Forrest Claypool

Forrest Claypool

Seriously–that’s like handing the casinos over to Fredo Corleone and telling him to have at it.

Anyhoo, I was in grad school during this whole Cook County President kerfuffle and had the dubious honor of interviewing Commissioner Beavers–who also happened to sucking the teat of the Stroger clan–about what was going on. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Commissioner Beavers–Now that John Stroger is basically circling the drain, doesn’t it seem fair to put the second place finisher–Claypool–up against Peraica?

Beavers: Huh? What’s that now? The second place finisher? Fair?? You kiddin’ me?? Well, lemme tell you something honey, SECOND DON’T COUNT!

There endeth the interview.

The Toddler won, which made for some fun times in Cook County. Seriously. A roasting pan would have done a better job at running Cook County than Todd did.

Starting tomorrow, check out gapersblock.com for my tales from the crypt that is the Dirksen Federal Court Building.



Lookie here

The McCrabass blog is a distraction for me–it’s fluff, it’s fun–aka it’s mental masturbation.

I consider my blogging as a sort of “Artist’s Way” minus the touchy-feely-I-was-once-married-to-Marty-Scorsese-but-he-dumped-me-so-now-I-write-how-to-books-for-wannabe-artists-aka-bored-housewives –but with box wine, chocolate and Bikram yoga. Oh and dark purple highlights and buttloads of salty language.

Simply put, I’m a writer who blogs for fun. I’m not into that brand-building bullshit. (Side note: what the fuck is branding anyway? Why are we supposed to brand ourselves to each other? What the fuck does it have to do with the price of eggs? It doesn’t help people get meaningful work, believeyoume. It’s basically a bullshit term made up by marketers. You’re only a brand if you’ve been heated up on the range where the deer and the antelope play, and used to tap some livestock ass.)

When I’m not thinking up and composing posts, I’m writing my book and looking for a gig. That type of writing is my true calling, along with journalism which I happen to do quite well when given the opportunity.

The following list is made up of folks who are great writers and use their blogs to display their dog-given talent. Some days they write more than on others by using words and images–or just words or just images–kinda like yours truly here. I’ve been reading these folks for a long time now and I suggest you check ’em out. They write to write, not for the nebulous glory of Internet awards but because they love writing. Oh, and they all have something to say which is the mostest important aspect.

I’m not going to write up brief descriptions of their work because you need to do your own heavy lifting. You won’t regret it either.

In no particular order, if you may …

Reinventing the Event Horizon


Lame Adventures

The Learned Fan Girl

Marguerite Darlington

The Musings of a Storyteller


Jonathan Turley

Rufino Cabang



Robert Loerzel

Adventures By Kim

Violet Blue (NSFW)

Love Letters Are Dying


Learn ’em, know ’em, love ’em.

Illinois: Land of Bad Behavior

La Rod

It looks like Gov. Hairdon’t will be going away until the end of time.

Good riddance, but I must say I’m not surprised. Illinois has a colorful history of breeding corrupt pols, not just in Chicago, but throughout the entire state. It’s part of our charm–in a cartoon-abstract sorta way.  It would be quite easy to go on and on about the crimes perpetrated by some of our elected officials, but it’s more fun to poke fun at Blago since he’s the most recent one to fall down and go boom in the international spotlight, and he has the best/worst hair EVER! With regards to the political shenanigans that go on in this state, I’ll say this: It’s boring. Screwing your constituents and fellow pols over for political power, and getting the occasional blow job from your aide is tiresome (not implying that Blago got blown of course, but it has been known to happen with other pols-DUH). Again, I could go on and on, but getting my knickers in a twist about this just ain’t worth it. I mean, what’s the point since corruption is de riguer in politics?

I’m really gonna miss Blago “jogging” through my neighborhood once he goes to the pokey.

The hair doesn't move.

However, this story could have long legs too…

This tale caught my eye, and I’m still giggling over it. For those of you who are too damn lazy to click on the link provided, here’s a snippet–

From the Chicago Sun-Times via TPM:

“The Town President of Cicero, Illinois is being sued for allegedly sexually harassing the woman who ran the town’s “Waggin’ Tails” animal shelter, after instructing her to lie under oath about the nature of their relationship.

Ok, that sounds about par for the course for Illinois politics. Yawn.

But wait! There’s more!

“According to the Chicago Sun-Times, in early 2009, Sharon Starzyk wore an FBI recording device during several of her encounters with Larry Dominick. They were discussing Starzyk’s testimony related to another town employee’s sexual harassment suit against Dominick.”

Now, I’m curious. Who is this Larry Dominick?  He’s the Cicero Town President, a job that has a wonderful history of corruption.  Of course, that kind of power breeds bad behavior in all forms. It’s reprehensible.

More questions…  What’s the deal? Maybe this lawsuit is a result of a love affair gone bad? Perhaps someone wants money so they cooked up a sordid tale of unwanted invitations to hit the river boat casinos, or maybe the Jim Stafford Dinner Theater in Branson, then play hide the sausage? Hmm…  What’s he look like? Is he a charmer? Maybe there’s something about him?

So, I did more digging and found a few photos of the alleged-harasser.

Wait. For. It.

Dominick, left, with Daley and Sandoval

Yep, this guy. I would think that the best way to lure him away from the idea of diddling you and wanting to touch your delicates, would be to dangle a plate of ribs in front of him, or a trough of chocolate milkshake. Sigh.

And yes, I’m well-aware that sexual harassment is about power. So, save your breath about schooling me on what sexual harassment is. I know what it is–I’m just commenting on the accused.

It gets better.

“Starzyk alleged in court papers Dominick repeatedly groped her or touched her inappropriately and sent her text messages in which he suggested she should perform oral sex on a black man — using a racial slur — or engage in a threesome with two of Dominick’s friends — an unlicensed plumber in his late 50s, and the Cicero town collector, Fran Reitz. Starzyk said she showed the messages to people but no longer has them.


Of course, Dominick is saying the relationship was consensual,  “and that at the time he would go to her house and “play with her dog and eat there and once in a while whatever came up sexually.”

Shudder. I don’t want to know what that really means.