Les Jiz

NSFW! WARNING! PORNY IMAGES IN POST! REAL NASTY ONES TOO!

Some people are so creative. Especially porn stars. I mean, who else coulda come up with double penetration?

(Thanks to kingdong.com)

(Thanks to kingdong.com)

Now that I’ve given you ideas of how to ring in the New Year with your gardener and pool boy, let’s get on with my story.

From Moral Low Ground.

Japanese Porn Star Uta Kohaku Collects Fans’ Semen for New Video

I … I … yep.

(h/t espanol.lpcdigital.com)

(h/t espanol.lpcdigital.com)

I don’t know what was funnier–researching this woman and her quest to have her fans send her bottles of spunk, or hearing my friend’s comments when we happened upon an Asian porn site. The categories were typical: Bukkake, Threesomes, Girl-on-Girl… zzzzzz. But, what tickled his fancy was the “Asians with Big Tits” category because according to him, “Asian broads don’t normally have big tittehs.” Great. Now the world can go back to spinning.

Anyhoo, it turns out, Miz Uta Kohaku, who has starred in such classics as “Porn Star Virgin Tastes Male Virgin First Time” and “Nipple Play with Lesbian Duo“, was looking for co-stars of sorts for her upcoming opus “Semen Collection 2” which can only mean there’s a “Semen Collection 1” swimming around the universe for us to feast our eyes upon! HOT DAMN! So, her bosses at RADIX STUDIOS alerted the Twitterverse and lo and behold, Japan turned into one big circle jerk. The rest is history.

(courtesy capitalbay.com)

(courtesy capitalbay.com)

What is this world coming to?

 

 

SWF Redux

It’s not even 9am here on the West Coast and I’m already creeped out by an ad I spied on Craigslist Chicago. Oh, and it takes a lot to creep me out, by the way.

$440 lake shore drive high rise single white male seeks female condomate (lake shore drive / east lakeview) (map)

Seems harmless enough you say? Continue reading, please. (No editing occurred to keep the creepiness of this posting intact.)

House of Horrors?

$440 lake shore drive high rise condo single white male seeks white collar / professional female condomate
lake shore drive high rise condo,balcony,stunning view of lake and harbor,24 hour doorman,exercise room,laundry room,directv,at&t u-verse high speed internet (wireless compatibility).single white male seeks white collar / professional or comparable occupation female condomate,apprx age range 20 / 40. $440 / month including utilities (electric,cooking gas,heat,air conditioning).completely and nicely furnished private bedroom.wall to wall draw draperies,wall to wall closets,twin size bed,dresser,thayer-coggin love seat sofa,modern stow-davis contoured sectional chair,modern koch+lowy dual vertical beam chrome floor lamp,z-shaped plexiglas accent tables,13″ tv set,room controlled central heat / air conditioning system.i’m non-smoking however you may smoke but only on the balcony,not in the apartment. If you want wired phone service in addition to your cell phone there is a phone in the bedroom so bring along an internet calling device such as nettalk or magic jack etc .indoor valet garage parking extra,no pets.this is the best roommate value on the internet,upscale accommodations and location at a budget price.available for immediate occupancy
contact bob for appointment .
phone 773 390 0298
additional photos at myspace.com/cutebob33
for e-mail inquries please click reply to this ad

Seems like a nice place, GREAT ‘hood, right? But there’s something else …. could it be the almost-obsessive description/name-dropping of the designer furniture that’s festooned about the condo? Is it the obsessive non-use of the space bar on his computer or Smartphone? Is it tastefully decorated so the new roomie has nice things to look at while she’s involved in a greased up, strung-out ass-to-ass fuck show a la “Requiem For A Dream”? Is the ‘thayer-coggin love seat sofa’ really the last thing she wants to see before she’s bundled up and hauled off to be a sex slave for a Saudi prince on his well-appointed yacht in the Med?

Damn…why oh why did I delete my MySpace page?

No, the major creep-factor is the pictures featured in the ad. Especially this one-

I’d better put the lotion in the basket or I’ll get the hose.

Head of the class

Hey gals! Feeling bored with your current career, or are you just bored in general and need a new hobby? Check this out.

Here’s the ad in its full glory (read=unedited by McCrabass) since I’m sure it’ll be pulled from Craigslist soon.

(thanks to Anthony Burke Boylan for alerting me to this.)

12/5-12/19: PORN STAR TRAINING (CHICAGO)


Date: 2011-12-05, 7:26PM CST
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]


PORN STAR TRAINNING , FOR WOMEN ONLY * . Accepting new Female students of ADULT FILMS . All students must be at least 18 years of age , or Older ! ! ! The Average Woman ; who works in The ADULT FILM INDUSTRY is paid $500.00 per scene . But a Woman must have the acquired skills ; in filmming various scenes – such as : ORAL , TEASING , MASTURBATION , REVERSE COWGIRL , & ANAL … Sign-up and learn how to do : ORAL SCENES , ANAL SCENES , GIRL ON GIRL SCENES , REVERSE COWGIRL SCENES *** Disclaimer : We Do Not Pay , For Scenes – or Anything Else ! Learn how to DOGGIE STYLE – The Right Way ! Learn how to REVERSE COWGIRL – The Right Way ! Learn how to GIVE & RECEIVE GOOD ORAL – The Right Way ! Learn how to TEASE – The Right Way ! This is for Women ; who are interested ; in working in ADULT FILMS , or ADULT ENTERTAINMENT * . Classes are held on : SATURDAYS 12:00PM – 6:30PM ; SUNDAYS 12:00PM – 6:30PM ; MONDAYS 7:00PM – 10:00PM ; and TUESDAYS 7:00PM – 10:00PM . Location : CHEAP THRILLS PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO : 8223 South WOODLAWN Avenue , CHICAGO , IL. 60619 . Telephone : 708-582-0286 . E-mail : upocman@yahoo.com
  • Location: CHICAGO
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Class is in session!

Ok.. a couple of things caught my eye here. I do know this much about men — most don’t care how women “give and receive good oral” — most are thrilled at the effort and with the fact a woman is truly interested in pleasing them in this way … or so I’ve heard.

Same goes for teasing, anal and doggie-style … or so I’ve heard.

I know nothing of this “reverse cowgirl.” Time to watch some porn.

OR..

I could actually attend a class and learn the proper reverse cowgirl form. Hmm. I’m not working so why not? It’s a great way to learn how to make some sweet moola while learning some very marketable skills. And, if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 11 months of unemployment in a tight job market, it’s that a gal must have mad skills and be open to learning new things to make herself more attractive to employers — the mo’ unusual the mo’ better.

Just sent an email to the fine gent who posted this ad asking for more info. Stay tuned.

To add to above image, one of my fave album covers of all time.