30 Things I’m Dumping in 2013

Here’s a long-ass list of stuff I’m dumping from my life in 2013:

1) Unemployment

2) Ambien

3) Trying to please people who don’t give a shit about me.

4) Not taking care of myself emotionally.

5) Not taking care of myself physically.

6) Chicago

7) This overwhelming sense that I’m a complete failure.

8) Forgetting friends’ important life events.

9) Swearing

10) Unsightly pit stains.

11) Body hair that’s long enough to braid

12) The body in the trunk of my car.

13) Bread–the food, not the band.

14) People named Poindexter, Mitt, Karl Rove, and Cheney.

15) The gangsta lifestyle. I don’t have the ass for it.

16) Gene Hackman’s knickers

17) Cheap liquor

18) Cheap hookers

19) Leo Sayer –he’s been hogging my couch for too damn long.

20) Expectations of any sort.

21) Sarcasm

22) My bad attitude toward stupid people who are more successful than I am.

23) My bad attitude toward asshole people who are more successful than I am.

24) Clutter

25) Self doubt.

26) Fear of success

27) Stuff

28) That chaise on the sun porch. It’s a chaise of pain.

29) That weird item in my glove box. It’s starting to creep me out.

30) Threeve.

 

 

And now, a story about a clown …

Now here’s a trial I wouldn’t mind covering. But, I’d be thrown out due to all of the giggling I would inspire with my sotto voce remarks.

Police: Clown tried to solicit sex at rest area

Some story highlights:

“Vosolo was wearing only thong underwear when Caranfa approached. Vosolo was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, assault and battery, failure to stop for police, a marked lanes violation, and disorderly conduct. According to police, he allegedly grabbed the truck driver after entering his cab.

A search of Vosolo’s vehicle resulted in the seizure of several sex toys, Halloween masks and head lamps. He is expected to be arraigned today at Newburyport District Court. According to state police, Vosolo has no previous convictions.”

A clown wearing a thong? Hey, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way. A head lamp? What–is he stealing my act now?

I’ll let the rest of this story wash over your whilst I get ready for another day of the ex-cop beats up bartender trial.

Who knew that clowns have to pay for sex? It is true–you *do* learn something everyday!