Conundrum

Help me out here please.

Which one is Donatella Versace and which one is Iggy Pop?

Any luck? No? Well, me neither.

Ok, here’s another.

Holy Former Heroin Addict. I still can’t tell.

Maybe it’ll help if I separate the two, study them individually then try again.

Here’s Mr. Pop:

Those photos don’t do dick for me.

Hang on….

Wow. Jennifer Aniston sure hasn’t aged well. Poor thing. Hon, if you want to look good as you age, you can’t be a dullard. Sadly, Ms. Aniston has the personality of a footstool–but that’s a possible future post.

Back to Mr. Pop — who I dig, by the way. One of the best performers ever — I suggest you spend the moola and see him. Totally worth every damn penny.

He was totally hot once — a total US–UGLY SEXY. Sidenote: We have the same hairstyle here.

Ok, now I’m beginning to see the difference. Iggy has less nose & facial hair –but probably not much –than Donatella. Also, Donatella has a teefus issue. You’d think she woulda taken some of the scratch she used to pay for her plastica to get her teefus fixed. They have doctors for that you know. Good ones too.

Now I’m really confused. My brain hurts.

I need a palate cleanser.

Oh that did it. Much better. Palate cleansed and then some. Thank you, Mr. Irrfan Khan. You’re so pretty.

Not QUITE done with him yet. Funny, he resembles someone with whom I’m closely yoked.

Well played, Bollywood, well played.

Digression can be a bad thing from time to time.

Ici Madame Versace — she’s been committed to memory. Ok. Got it. Good. Finally. Ready to move on.

Aaaaaaaaaand I’m back to square one.

 

 

Body shots

It’s been a while since I’ve done a ‘musings on random shit’ post. It’s not due to a lack of material because I’ve had some choice stories fly through my RSS feed. Sadly, I’ve been neglecting my writing since arriving in LA because of more pressing issues — both good and bad, of course. Today I decided it was time to dial up the snark and loosen up the reins. So, while I was browsing the news items earlier, I came across pieces that caused various reactions.

Have fun!

First, I love fashion. It may not look like it by the way I dress, but I admire those who design odd frocks that people want to wear. Wait … wait .. design EXPENSIVE, odd frocks that people want to wear. I understand that most haute couture pieces are works of art. I get it. I don’t admire those who wear these pieces — please. You’re not all that special. Those who deserve props are the designers. After all, they’re the delicate geniuses who came up with the designs in the first place. That, my friends, takes huge cajones.

So, imagine my surprise while I’m listening to the Dead and combing through fashion week photos on the Internets when I spied this lovely humdinger of a dress or … I … don’t … know …

Will someone please remind me to get my high beams checked? Thanks. Come to think of it, it IS a bit nippy outside today. BOO YAH! Does this dress make me look fat? Hey now! Time to pack my hips in ice. Whoa now!  I don’t know what else to say except that boobs are lost on some people.

And this photo reminds me too much of this shot. And no, I’m not cooking meth in my kitchen. Or snorting blow fish, I just have one of those types of imaginations.

Onward.

There are all sorts of fitness crazes out here. So far, I’ve run across the basics like yoga and boot camps, but I’m thrilled to see more and more MMA places joining the fray. Same with Pilates — not the fake, mat Pilates but the reformer, hardcore kind. However, during my travels, I’ve had fliers stuck on my windshield for different pole dancing schools in the LA area. Yep. My car. Not kidding. If the poor sap who’s being paid 8 cents an hour to litter cars with these brightly colored sheets of paper actually saw me, he’d probably run screaming from the parking lot and douse his eyes with bleach the first moment he had… just to get my visage out of his mental Rolodex. Can you blame him?

But I digress. I gotta give these ladies credit. It takes a lot of strength, flexibility and guts to do these moves. Couple that with being all nekkid and greased up, being pawed at by fat, married dudes from Rancho Cucamonga and you’ve got the recipe for major emotional fuckwittery. I’m sure what keeps these lasses going are the bills that get stuffed into their delicates, and the fact they get to wear some choice footwear. However, this little idea some uptight scaredy-twat is pushing inside the Beltway has bummed some of the ladies out big time.

Why didn’t I think of this?  Sometimes I don’t know where my head is at. Most electronic tablets only need one hand to use … yeah, you know where I’m going with this.

Next time I go to Florence, I’ll be sure to hit this museum because sometimes I’m not grossed out enough in my everyday life. Wonder which exhibit I’m speaking of? Here you go. Feel free to read more about it here.

 

 

Notes on the news

SOPA and Keystone XL pipeline have been covered ad nauseam lately so I won’t be weighing in on either. But, I will say this … the fact that knickers were all twisted up because folks couldn’t access Wikipedia today is just plain sad. Wikipedia? Really? Where folks can add their own facts, make up crap and post it as truth without any repercussions for passing on false information?

Wait … what am I talking about here? The press?

I need a nap.

Plus, both subjects are not as fun and fucked up as the following stories.

Perhaps he should’ve tripped in an entirely different manner. I mean, he sure is rambling on and on like he’s taken one too many hits of window pane. The wreckage of the Costa Concordia is tragic and what makes the tragedy even worse is Capt. Francesco Schettino’s big, fat yap.

Case in point when asked why/how he ended up in a lifeboat with his passengers.

From The Inquistr.

“I was helping some passengers put the life boat to sea. At a certain point the mechanism for lowering it, blocked. We had to force it. Suddenly the system unblocked itself and I tripped and I found myself inside the life boat with a number of passengers.”

Oh really? I hear the Colosseum in Rome is for sale too.

Too bad he’s married because he’s a keeper.

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I’m anti-death penalty for reasons I’m not going to get into right now.

Maybe murdering people isn’t such a good idea — ever. If you do end up offing a few folks and end up with shitty legal representation, you could end up with a bag over your head and dirt nap time drugs coursing through your veins.

This is messed up, folks.

From The Inquistr.

Supreme Court Agrees To Rare Appeal After Deadline Filing Missed For Death Row Inmate

“Alabama death row inmate Cory Maples is being given a new hearing after the U.S. Supreme Court issued a rare exception. Attorney’s for the death row inmate failed to file an appeals deadline because of a weird chain of events, an appeal the court believes may have helped his case.

In 1997 Maples was convicted of murdering two people, at the time two lawyers for big name New York Law firm Sullivan & Cromwell volunteered to work on his appeal.

After filing an initial appeal both attorney’s left the law firm as the case began to proceed through Alabama’s court system. When letters were sent to the lawyer’s at Sullivan & Cromwell after they had left their posts they were sent back to their sender, causing the deadline to be missed.

Years after the incident Maples realized what had occurred and petitioned the state court system, unfortunately they shot down his claim at which point his lawyers petitioned the US Supreme Court.”

Ahhh … the South. You know the section of the United States that the rest of the country turns a blind eye to when folks below the Mason-Dixon say and do stupid shit. It’s quite gauche these days to say “Oh it’s the South –what do you expect?” As a nation, we gotta stop with that shoulder-shrugging ‘whatever’ attitude whenever residents of the southern states acts out in an archaic manner.

“In her majority opinion Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote that Cory Maples was the victim of  ”extraordinary circumstances quite beyond his control.”

Gosh, ya think?

This is an interesting ruling though. Let’s hope the SCOTUS starts to look at all death penalty appeals cases with a sharper eye in the future… maybe start paying attention to that wacky thing called DNA evidence. Just a thought.

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Finally, if Marky Mark looked like this if he had been on one of the hijacked planes, perhaps he could’ve delayed the horrible inevitable by about … oh … five minutes.

If he had treated the hijackers like he treated Jack Horner and his crew, he probably would’ve staved off the horrible inevitable for another minute.

Take it from about 2 minutes in.

“My cock is ready … ”

Oy, the jokes are too many but the real question is, is it too soon?

Good thing he coughed up an apology.

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Finally 2.0, I’m a huge Frederick Wiseman fan and desire a white equine-esque tail to wear with my buttless chaps so I’ll be seeing this film.