Five Things: 12/5/13

Gosh, it’s gonna be a balmy 18 degrees today in Chicago..down considerably from the upper-50s we had yesterday. Welcome to winter, now bend over.

1) SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION TIME: The app I’ve been working on for the past few months goes LIVE today. It’ll be available for FREE on iTunes for iPad and iPhone. Android’ll happen in early ’14. This is a very cool app, folks. It’s like Pandora/Spotify but for news. Yes, you can customize the news you want to hear. Right now, we’re mainly Chicago-centric, BUT we do national and world stories. Soon, we’ll be moving to Dallas, LA and the rest of the major markets.
The best part? You’ll get to hear my dulcet tones–especially later today AND this weekend.

2) Oh, for fuck’s sake, CNN, get it RIGHT. You’re a frickin’ media company with some pretty smart people working there (supposedly). How difficult is it to check your work?

(via Media Matter for America)

(via Media Matter for America)

None of this would’ve happened had they hired ME some four years ago.

Yes, I’m that good.

3) Could English pig jizz be the answer to China’s problems? Well, for some of them anyway. (via the Guardian)

UK and China agree £45m pig semen export deal

Environment secretary Owen Paterson says he has also begun negotiations to export pigs’ trotters to China
I’ll translate. Chinese pigs aren’t that great–they suck, in fact–so the Chinese are seeking the help of Brit pigs and their super sperm to make the Chinese ones better.
Or, you can just read about it here.
Side note: UK porcine semen is an excellent name for a punk band filled with has-beens, OR for an ’80s tribute band.
4) Couple of things here…why would any woman want to become a virgin again? Why? Because losing your virginity was so much fun the first time? Give me a break. You know it sucked, so why go through it again? Y’all do realize there are some ethnic groups in this world that cut up the whoo-haas of young girls to make sure they remain a virgin, right? ‘Tis a little thing called genital mutilation. It’s forced too.
Second, I don’t know if this is real, but it’s fucking funny.
Screen shot 2013-12-05 at 7.39.49 AM
For those of you gals who like a challenge, and are all about reliving your youth, but not in the typical way, this may be for you.
5) One of my muses. Enjoy.

 

Radio daze

Recently, I’ve been asked to co-host The Matthew Aaron Show with a sort-of former student of mine from DePaul University in Chicago. Actually, he was introduced to me via some friends who had him in their classes. Sure, I could go back and edit the first statement, but I’m too damn lazy and I don’t feel like it.

Tomorrow’s my birthday so I’m getting my birthday bitch on a few hours early.

Matt was kind enough to ask me to fill in as an occasional co-host a few weeks ago. The show is good and lots of fun, so I jumped at the chance. So far, it’s been a blast. I’ve met some great people and, most important, I’m keeping my skills current for ye olde job (pronounced ‘yob’) search. Now, I have zip radio experience, but I’m a true Chatty McTalksAlot, and I think I’ve intelligent things to say, some sort of wisdom to impart and a saucy wit that most folks seem to enjoy.

Who knows where this wild ride will take me–probably nowhere, but at least I’ll have fun gettin’ there.

Here’s a link to the shows. You can hear my sweet, dulcet tones in Episodes 1, 2, 4 and 9. Hopefully, I’ll be on again in the future. We’ll see what the Fates have to say about it.

Until then, enjoy!

 

Fox on the Run

I love music. I love iTunes. Love. Big love.

Since I’m not working, I have music on all day long. The tee vee is only turned on when I go to Bikram so the cats have something to watch when I’m not around. Also, it’s on at night so I can catch up on all the news–and to watch some of my guilty pleasures.

Go ahead and judge. I don’t care because you all have your own guilty pleasure demons to deal with everyday. Instead of shaking your head whilst saying, “That sad, sorry McCrabass. What shame her friends and family must feel whenever she talks about the magic that is Richard Marx’s ‘Don’t Mean Nothing.’ ” To that I say, hold that Danielle Steele yarn up high and praise its anorexic, overdone plot. Be proud of your guilty pleasures, dammit! Thanks to iTunes, I am now able to buy allll the guilty pleasure tunes I can get my paws on. Like this one. This gem too. England is the home of some of the most innovative pop music, but it owes us all an explanation for Sniff n’ the Tears. Don’t laugh Canada. You have some splainin to do.

The muses of hip hop have to answer for this tune. I do love it and can’t wait to teach the lyrics to my niece, India. Explaining my musical choice for my sister and brother-in-law’s darling daughter will be worth buying court side seats for.
This song feels like foreplay. Hey, I’m just going by what Mr. Smith says because he’s the oracle of one-note actors and musicians.

Don

(can he really be called a musician though?)

I have Mr. Donny Iris to thank for this evening’s final selection.
Here we go again, McCrabass ain’t learned her lesson yet.