America, This Is What Stupid Sounds Like

I love America. I was born and raised here. My mom’s side of the family arrived around the same time as the pilgrims. (My dad’s side will be discussed in a later post.) However, I have a feeling that my ancestors weren’t has homely looking, or as poorly dressed as John Smith and his pasty ilk were. Also, I’m quite certain that my female ancestors weren’t afraid to show a little leg or cleavage whilst plowing the fields or milking the cows.

Hey, it’s how us McCrabass broads are wired–we like to show off our lovely, freckle-y skin.

America’s a great place, but it also sucks. Especially these days.

Over the past couple of years, America has become the Land of the Stupid. I could cite example after example of American stupidity, but I don’t want to depress everyone AND I’m sure that most of y’all know exactly which examples are bouncing around in my noggin. What’s truly vexing is that stupidity is applauded and encouraged by some of my fellow Americans–this action is egged-on by the mouth-breathers of our humble society.

However, these two stories that showed up in my news feed are worth mentioning because they are the apex of stupid.

The first example is from Buzzfeed:

Missouri Lawmaker Introduces Bill To Make It A Felony To Propose Gun Control Legislation

“I filed HB 633 as a matter of principle and as a statement in defense of the Second Amendment rights of all Missourians.”

“A Missouri state lawmaker wants to make it a crime to propose any gun control legislation. Mike Leara, a Republican who represents suburban St. Louis, introduced a bill making it a class D felony for any member of the Missouri legislator to introduced a bill to that effect.

“Any member of the general assembly who proposes a piece of legislation that further restricts the right of an individual to bear arms, as set forth under the second amendment of the Constitution of the United States, shall be guilty of a class D felony,” the bills reads.

But the state lawmaker doesn’t expect the bill to go anywhere, saying he submitted it as a matter of principle.

“I filed HB 633 as a matter of principle and as a statement in defense of the Second Amendment rights of all Missourians,” Leara said in a statement provided to BuzzFeed. “I have no illusions about the bill making it through the legislative process, but I want it to be clear that the Missouri House will stand in defense of the people’s Constitutional right to keep and bear arms.”

I don’t know about y’all, and I’ve talked about this before on here and elsewhere, but it’s exhausting living in a God-fearin’ country where guns have more rights than humans. It’s bullshit. But this latest act by Misery State Rep. Mike Leara, just shows how far we as a society have fallen on the Stupid Scale.

I know, I know, I’m asking a lot from the state that unleashed rape’s champion Todd Akin on the rest of the country.

I had just enough time to catch my breath from the above story, when this story showed up in my feed.

I.. I… just… cannot …

Mary Sue McClurkin, Alabama GOP Lawmaker, Claims A Baby Is The ‘Largest Organ In A Body’

From HuffPo.

I’m at a loss. This is a prime example of American intelligence being wiped out right before our eyes.

Read, please:

“Alabama state Rep. Mary Sue McClurkin (R) is pushing legislation that would impose restrictions on abortion clinics — a move that she argues is necessary because the procedure is a major surgery that removes the largest “organ” in a woman’s body.

“When a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body,” McClurkin told the Montgomery Advertiser on Thursday. “That’s a big thing. That’s a big surgery. You don’t have any other organs in your body that are bigger than that.”

Even my friends who are anti-choice have got to agree with me that considering a baby to be an organ in a woman’s body is one of the stupidest ideas ever. So, this got me thinking–what about other organs? If you have your intestine removed, is that considered murder? Is Lasik eye surgery consider an assault? What’s really frightening is the person who introduced this bill has the same lady parts that I have and supposedly considers herself a woman. Biology considers her a woman too. Huh. Interesting. The big difference between the two of us is I took a bunch of biology/science classes in school and have parents who aren’t morons. Ms. McClurkin probably learned about S-E-X via her parents and Sunday school teachers who used euphemisms for the female and male body parts: flower or wee-wee instead of vajay, pee-pee for peen, etc. You get the idea. She probably learned that babies were put in mommy’s tumtum by God or by the Jesus. Or by some type of schooling not based in reality.

How Ms. McClurkin learned about the birds & the bees is just a smidgen of the what the real problem is–the dumbing down of America when it comes to, well, everything.

What’s even more depressing is, things are gonna get stupider all up in here.

The Daily [D]Ick

And this is the icky-est.

I wish some folks would crawl up into their own assholes and die.

Todd Akin is one of those folks.

What was he doing during sex ed in junior high school? Wanking his pud? He’s yet another example of how the wing-nut arm of the Republican party has a bit too much power, influence and not enough intelligence or integrity to run for higher office. The sad thing is, he’ll probably win because this country is filled to the brim with morons.

Of course, he’s walking the remark back– sort of.

What’s even more vomit-inducing is he’s not alone in his beliefs.

If he beats Sen. McCaskill, then we get what we deserve.

And then some ..

First, this parody has me giggling uncontrollably. Just watch it — you’ll like it — trust me. (thanks to Braulio B. for this. MWAH!)

“Wouldn’t this fake job be better if these girls could see each other’s cleavage and kiss?”

Sadly, I doubt the boner killers would’ve helped the woman in the next story.

Apparently, overrated comic and whatever he is, Russell Brand, managed to get a tongue lashing by co-star Billy Connolly for insisting a wardrobe assistant flash her delicates at Brand before he donned his costume for the Eric Idle musical “What About Dick?” The story goes that production on the film was delayed for a some time while Brand begged and pleaded with the assistant to flash her boobs for him.

Really?

(image courtesy USA Today)

Brand is supposedly a big star who allegedly has chochas of all shapes/sizes/smells flying at him from all angles at all times of the day and night, and he has to bully some wardrobe assistant (who’s probably just doing that shitty job to beef up her resume so she can get onto something big like, say “Game of Thrones”) for a titty show? Isn’t that what strip clubs are for? Or his ex-wife Katy Perry? Let’s face it –Brand is adored by those who believe that Dane Cook is a comic genius and that the “Twilight” film series ranks up there with anything Scorcese has ever done. In other words, he sucks.

Now, if I had been the wardrobe assistant, I would’ve obliged. Why? Because me shoving my breasticles in Brand’s ironically bearded visage would’ve caused him a certain amount of humiliation and pain. What about harming me? Well, that act would’ve mirrored any Tuesday for me.

Finally, there’s nothing like having a craptastic mother who doesn’t quite grasp the concept of social media and what can happen to you when you post on your Facebook page a video of two kids going at it like pit bulls in a ring.

Ding Dong — social services gets called and the story breaks wide.

Warning: The vid is tough to watch.