Cathmandont

(courtesy mnn.com)

Since I’m in some sort of unemployed holding pattern from hell, I’ve been thinking of ways to spice up my life. You know, give my life some ummph, and make my daily life a bit funky.

I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be the quirky broad on the street by either painting my car neon orange or by setting up a home for wayward squirrels, or by ceasing the whole practice of bathing altogether. hmm. Then it hit me–I’ll get a leopard! Yes! A big, spotted kitteh with meaty paws and a jaw that could snap an elephant’s leg. I’ve even been going over possible names for my new minion–Roderick, Pancho, Gus or Gwendolyn. And, I’ve spent more than a few hours researching beds, scratching posts, BIG litter boxes and fainting couches online for my new pet. I’ve even spoken with a few pre-schools and looked into Head Start programs around the city. It was all very encouraging and my excitement was starting to grow.

All was well in the dome, until I read this.

From CNN.

Leopard suspected of eating 15 people in Nepal

(OOPS.)

Kathmandu, Nepal (CNN)A ferocious leopard may have killed 15 people in Nepal in a 15-month span, its latest victim a 4-year-old boy that the creature dragged away into the jungle to eat.

The head of boy was found in the forest a kilometer from his home Saturday morning, said Kamal Prasad Kharel, the police chief of the Baitadi district, an area about 600 kilometers (373 miles) west of Kathmandu.

The grisly discovery, which came after teams of people searched for the child, marks the 15th victim in the past 15 months in that remote district in western Nepal.

The police chief suspects that a single man-eating leopard is responsible for the deaths. If not, there are at most two of the man-eating creatures around, he believes.

Maheshwor Dhakal, an ecologist at the Department of National Parks and Wildlife Conservation in Kathmandu, agreed that it is unusual to find more than one or two man-eating animals in one area. Most leopards live on wild prey.

More human victims could also be expected if there were more than one or two man-eaters around, he said.

“Since human blood has more salt than animal blood, once wild animals get the taste of salty blood they do not like other animals like deer,” Dhakal said.

Kharel said he feared the actual number of people killed by the leopard could be higher than 15, because others have lost their life to leopard attacks in Uttarkhand state in northern India, which borders Baitadi district.

“It could be the same leopard,” he said.

Of the 15 victims in Nepal so far, two-thirds are children below the age of 10. The others are older children and a 29-year-old woman who had gone to collect fodder for domestic animals in the nearby forest, a common practice in Nepal.

“No adult male has been killed,” Kharel said.

All the victims are from villages bordering the dense forests in the district, he said.

After killing its victim, the leopard takes the body away into the forest to eat.

“In the case of the children it just leaves behind the head, eating everything, but some parts of the adult body are left behind because it cannot finish it,” Kharel added.

The district administration has announced a Rs. 25,000 (about $300) reward to anyone who captures or kills the leopard.

The local administration has sought to raise public awareness of the dangers of going alone into nearby forests and has mobilized the police, armed police force and local people who have licensed guns to hunt for the animal.

Controlling this particular leopard has been a challenge for the wildlife officials in Kathmandu.

“We are sending a veterinary doctor to the district to understand the situation,” Dhakal, the ecologist, said. “There is no alternative but to kill the leopard.”

The chief district administrator has granted permission for this particular leopard to be killed. Normally, it is illegal to kill wild animals.

Leopards are common in the low mountain areas, as compared to the high Himalayas, across the country.

While cases of leopards killing domestic animals are common, and there are sometimes instances of leopards killing people in Nepal, this case is “extreme,” Dhakal said.

Fuuuuuck–another grand idea squashed.

So this big kitteh has been wreaking havoc in Nepal for 15 months. So far he has killed 15 people. Hey, in new math that’s about 1 person a month. Not a bad record if you ask me.

Who knows why this leopard is all about killing his fellow Nepalese, but I believe it’s because he likes nom nomming on human flesh, and is just plain fed up with giving lost hikers directions to Mt.Everest.

The Choad Menagerie

You’re probably hoping that this particular post is the McCrabass version of Tennessee Williams’s classic “The Glass Menagerie”, but it isn’t.

Simply put–I am here to crush your dreams once again.

The nice thing is that once I get going on this post, you’ll see why it has been awarded this particular hed.

Who here has heard of Kerry Bentivolio? Anyone? His grand plan is to be the Republican rep in Congress for Michigan’s 11th district which was left vacant after former-Rep. Thaddeus McCotter abruptly resigned in July. He’s not your run-of-the-mill-Republican (whatever that means) either, he’s much more fun. (fun in a herpes-outbreak kinda way)

Kerry Bentivolio (courtesy liberty-candidates.org)

From DetroitYes.com:

On the first day of school last year, Kerry Bentivolio told students in his English class at Fowlerville High School that he had one goal: to make each one of them cry at least once.
……..
Nine months later, school administrators reprimanded him for intimidating and threatening students by grabbing their desks and yelling in their faces or for slamming his fists on their desks.

Oh it gets so much better. Yeah, um…. I’ll just let youse guys read it. From Politico.com

The brother of Kerry Bentivolio says the Michigan congressional candidate, who’s favored to win on Tuesday, is “mentally unbalanced” and could end up in jail.

“I’ve never met anyone in my life who is conniving and dishonest as this guy,” Phillip Bentivoliosaid, according to the Michigan Information and Research Service   (subscription required). “He’s my brother so it’s hard to talk about this, but I believe that if he gets elected, he’ll eventually serve time in prison.”

Kerry Bentivolio is the Republican candidate in Michigan’s 11th district, running to replace Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, who failed to secure enough valid signatures to qualify for the ballot.

Kerry Bentivolio is a Santa Claus impersonator and reindeer farmer. He made headlines after old court documents surfaced quoting him saying he had a “problem figuring out which one I really am, Santa Claus or Kerry Bentivolio.”  He’s running against Democrat Syad Taj.

Philip Bentivolio said that in 1992, he helped his brother build houses in Arkansas and Kerry owed him $20,000. This month he told Kerry he would go to the media with the story if he did not get paid, and Kerry then said he called the FBI and the Little Rock Police Department.

“He told them that I told them that if he didn’t send me money, I was going to kill myself,” Phillip Bentivolio said. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Kerry Bentivolio said that his brother has “serious mental issues” and that the FBI was looking into his brother’s request for repayment 20 years after the fact.

Kerry Bentivolio reminds me of the crazy uncle you see once a year at family gatherings. And, because of your strong sense of family coupled with WASP guilt, you’re forced to spend “quality time” with him which will ensure that the karma train doesn’t mow you over during a future run. Watching him pound Jack & Cokes would be similar to watching cement harden. He also strikes me as the type of uncle who gives the female relatives WET KISSES, but not on the cheek, oh no! Them smooches are bound for your beak, hon, and it’s best just to let it happen then start pounding French 75s to help douse the image of his maw careening toward your pucker out of your mental Rolodex. Um, I speak from experience as a matter of fact.

Back to the feud de Bentivolio Brothers. Holidays are probably rough at the Bentivolio manse. Also, I’m quite verklempt on the whole “I don’t know if I’m Kerry Bentivolio or Santa Claus” bit. It’s .. it’s … it’s just …. yep.

I’m gonna go on the record and say that if Obama was a white dude, this shit wouldn’t be spewing forth from the Mayor of 9/11 and his ilk. I’m waiting for Rudy to take credit for the clean-up of NYC post-Sandy. You know it’s gonna happen and here’s a pre-emptive ‘shuttie’ to him.

Exorcism a la Plinky

So I signed up with Plinky to help me with this NaBloPoMo thingy.

Supposedly or Supposebly (choose whichever version best displays your edumacational achievements) the daily inspirations on Plinky are supposed to help me with this daily writing task.

Not bloody likely.

So far, the ‘inspirations’ I’ve spied involve describing a time when you felt your loneliest, if you could invent a holiday what would it be, and something about kittens. Sure, some of the responses are heartfelt and heartbreaking but I’d rather not air mah dirty laundry that way.

Until today.

Whilst in my pre-caffeine part of the morning, I came across this suggestion:

Have you ever had to end a friendship?

Plinky’s prescience is impressive. Recently, I went through a mutual dumping of sorts. I said something horrible, immediately apologized (actually three times which in hindsight is two times too many), yet this former friend decided to take my bad behavior one step further and tell the targets of my insult what I had said.

Oops.

Over the next few tear-filled, angst-and guilt-ridden days, the realization hit me like a box of human shit that this friend of over 20 years was never a friend because she didn’t have to take my horrible insult to the next level. A phonecall coulda and shoulda been made asking me what was up & had that happened, then the chaos train would’ve stopped. See how that works?

Live and learn, plus it’s time to have my friendship radar adjusted. Fuck it–I’ll just get a new one.

Of course I regret my behavior and miss my former friend from time to time, and what happened has brought me pain, plus a healthy dose of introspection.

I take responsibility for my actions, and am done apologizing.

However, anger surfaces from time to time, which ain’t pretty because what I could say to them would melt the skin off their faces and cause their tits to tumble off their chesticles. It’s very tempting, but why would I want to waste such a wonderful combo platter of wit, wisdom and high-brow insults on folks who have proven themselves to be tone-on-tone half-wits and what’s the term? Frenemies? Yes, I’m using a term so associated with the early aughts, but it works well in this case.

When I was going through this, a good friend told me that this woman–plus the two I offended who I believed to be my friends–don’t deserve the tears I’m shedding.

He’s absolutely correct, and now there is peace in the dome.

Onward and upward.

Did you ever stop and wonder that…

“Planet of the Apes” could happen?

I would LURVE to resurrect From My Cold, Dead Hands from the, um, dead (you know he’s gonna come back, you just know it), then watch Marky Mark touch & lick him.

You know, sometimes I wish it would happen. Or something similar.

Maybe “The Food of the Gods” could come true and I’d be serving wench extraordinaire for huge chickens.

Hey, anything would be better than being stuck with Will and Holly Marshall. If I was stuck with them, I’d throw them to the Sleestaks, then make a coat out of Cha-ka.

But hey, that’s just me.

At this point, you’re probably wondering why I’m writing such a nonsensical post. Well, I learned today that it’s NaBloPoMo. It’s kind of along the lines of NaWriMo, and since I’m already balls-deep in writing a book, I’ll participate in the NaBloMe or AmBloU or … what’s it called? Oh yes, NaBloPoMo. What is it exactly? Here’s WP’s explanation:

It’s November 1st, and National Blog Posting Month–NaBloPoMo–is upon us. Time to put your thinking cap on, fire up the computer, chug some extra coffee, and get a-postin’! Bookmark these resources for days when you need a little something extra, and leave a link to your site in the comments so other NaBloPoMo participants on WordPress.com can find you.

I’ll give it a try and see where this journey takes me.

But I must warn y’all that when the revolution happens, I’ll have to destroy you all.