Read With An Australian Accent

Sooooo… these two have been unearthed again.

(Courtesy HuffPo)

(Courtesy HuffPo)

Don’t recognize them because of all the plastica and bondo work they’ve had done, eh? Hint: One had KNIFE tucked in his knickers, and played the babe-in-the-woods bit one too many times for a grown man. The other is a nice Polish ‘murican gal who hasn’t done jack shite since the 80s/early 90s (acting-wise), but has a nice rack, booty (I’ve been told) and a tastefully decorated abode.

This image should help … I hope.

(courtesy ContactMusic)

(courtesy ContactMusic)

Still not gettin’ it? Ok, ok… I’ll play Captain Obvious now just for YOU.

010612crystalWait, that’s not EXACTLY the pic I was looking for. But you have to admit Hef and his latest Viagra pole dancer have some physical aspects in common.

This one works.

(Courtesy of Daily Mail)

(Courtesy of Daily Mail)

My work here is done

 

Porn & Post-Election fun

Why am I not surprised that most of the gals who were all snatch first for Hef have names like Amber, Brandi(y), Tiffany, Brittany, Ashley, and MIRIAM?

Yes, MIRIAM.

While Miriam is a lovely name, it doesn’t exactly conjure up the image of sexy beaver, bodacious tatas and digging on walks in the rain whilst wearing lingerie from Dress Barn. Miriam to me screams bubbe–the type who steals packets of sugar from restaurants, who has a database filled with “Oh how I’ve suffered” stories locked away in her noggin, who also uses wadded up & used a billion times Kleenex doused in her own spit to clean your dirty face, AND who hands you her comb with the hopes that you’ll do away with the holes in her hair. I think I’ve seen my future ….

Post-election fun

While I’m glad my guy prevailed, I must admit it was so fun watching Turd Blossom implode on Fox News. Totally helped to make the victory that much more sweet. I wanna know when after the official announcement that the Kenyan Muslim Socialist Gay Marxist had won re-election that Rove flushed his Smartphone down ye olde toilet because he is so NOT down with getting his ass chewed out by pasty, white billionaires.

Then, there was Bill O’Reilly, who has more chins than a Chinese phonebook, saying how the demographics of this country have changed (no shit, Sherlock) and how people want “stuff.” If that ridiculous, choady, and out-of-touch statement wasn’t offensive enough, there was the “traditional America” quip which in double-speak means “rich, white men are slowly becoming the minority and because of how shitty we’ve been toward those who don’t share our skin color or maleness, we are now in trouuuuble.”

Enjoy.

My god–No wonder Romney LOST CALIFORNIA AND ITS 55 ELECTORAL VOTES. He had THIS GUY running his game in the Golden State.

I guess it is true–only the good die young.

Here’s my new, fab-fave, post-election Tumblr.

I hope she shuts the fuck up now.

Finally, my fave election vidya ever.

The Daily Wank

Raquel Welch — she’s been part of many a young person’s daily pud wank or finger bang since she first burst on the scene some 19 years after being born in Ravenswood Hospital. She’s stunning and looks damn good for 71 or for any age for that matter.

While she’s not the best actress around — but holy crap, I do LOVE “Mother, Juggs & Speed” — she has managed to keep her career going lo these many years by appearing in MOWs, films, posing nekkid  in Playboy (her daughter, Tahnee, followed in mum’s footsteps years later) and hawking her skincare/fitness secrets/wigs on the tee vee and beyond. What’s so great about her is she has a wonderful sense of humor about it all. Bravo, Rocky.

Then, there are the musical performances that include dancing, costumes and back-up dancers. Caught on tape.

I tried like hell to imitate Ms. Welch’s opening moves featured in the next clip, but I ended up on the floor with my hips packed in ice. So, don’t try any of these moves unless you have a spotter.

Enjoy!