The Daily #epicfail

SEO, keywords and ads are very important to just about everything on the Internetz. They drive traffic to your site, get folks to read your stuff and hopefully click on the ads which then hopefully leads to an eventual purchase of the product they’re shilling.

Sometimes SEO/keywords work TOO well.

Case in point.

Notice anything odd about the ad directly below the hed? (By the by, the story is awesome. Check it out here.) ‘Nuff said.

Kinda reminds me of whenever I get an gmail from a Jewish friend, the ads on the side “turn” Jewish. When I open an email from say, a Mrs. Goldberg, ads for Bar Mitzvah caterers and mohels show up in the sidebar. Not kidding. Try it sometime.

Finally, You want me to do WHAT? Let’s take another spin around the parking lot with regards to big, fucking, poisonous spiders. 

WARNING: Sometimes FUCK is not strong enough a word.

Australians Being Asked To Capture Venomous Spiders

According to Aussie scientists, there’s a shortage of anti-venom of these fucking FUNNEL-WEB SPIDERS.

 

These arachnids have a bite so deadly that if the victim is not treated within an hour of being bitten, they could fucking die. F.U.C.K.I.N.G.  D.I.E.

THAT, my friends, is messed up. So, what do the purveyors of the Australian Reptile Park want Sydney residents to DO? They want these folks to get allll up in the spiders’ grills then CAPTURE & BRING THEM to the park where officials can MILK THEM. Yes, milk these spiders of their deadly venom. 

Read more about it here, if you dare. *shudder*

Oh, and watch a vidya here:

Fucking crikey.

 

 

Good head(ers)

Something must be happening in the news world because some of the headlines I’ve read have been top-notch, A+, guffaw-inducing. Or, editors are finally understanding the wonderful world of SEO.

Of course, the stories are worth a read too, but the real craft — the real stories — are the heds.

Ahem.

Courtesy of Yahoo.com

Angry ex-girlfriend goes ballistic, rips off man’s scrotum

See what the editor did there? Aces.

Let’er rip.

The rest of the story is balls too.

This next one, I don’t even need to read the rest of the story. From Mother Nature Network.

Rocker gets rabies shots after bat urinates in his eye

Torche guitarist Andrew Elstner shares his strange and informative experience on Facebook

 

If you feel the need to move onto the rest (but what’s the point?) of the story, you can here.

When I initially read this hed, I thought the Queen was adopting her new granddaughter in-law. Or, Kate Middleton is adopting the Queen. Or the Queen is pregnant is Kate Middleton. Huh. The main lesson here is never read a hed until after the Ambien fog has lifted.

From The Frisky.

Kate Middleton Forced To Get Pregnant As Adoption Won’t Work For The Queen

Oh, NOW I get it. Duh.

This next one isn’t the most compelling headline, but it’s just so damn cute!

From io9.

Picky hermit crab lives in a multicolored LEGO shell

I love that the hermit crab has been dubbed ‘picky’ when all he really did was want a bigger place to house his gigantic crab ass.

It’s a cute story, natch.

Of course there’s vidya of Harry the Hermit showing off his new digs to his jealous aquarium mates.