Five Things-The Boobs Edition: 4/16/14

1) I’m so glad misogyny is still a thing.

 

2) I went to this the other night. It was spectacular.

I love John Doe’s voice, so much so I told him afterwards at the merch table. He blushed and smiled. Said he liked my freckles. Bought a t-shirt from him. Met Dave Alvin too, made him laugh.

He sang this.

 

3) I’m thinkin’ that MAYBE they should make these machines a little less accessible to tots.

Nebraska toddler gets stuck inside ‘Bear Claw’ toy machine at bowling alley

(Via UPI)

“LINCOLN, Neb., April 16 (UPI) — A Nebraska 3-year-old who escaped from his mother’s Lincoln apartment was discovered at a nearby bowling alley, but he wasn’t interested in rolling 10 frames.

Kael Ireland was found inside the “Bear Claw” machine at Madsen’s Bowling & Billiards after he somehow wandered into the establishment and crawled up the game’s prize slot so he could play with the toys inside.”


The photo is priceless. The kid just looks so damn happy, so I says just leave him there. 

 

4) So, in India, public defecation is a huge problem. What, you say? Believe it or not, there aren’t enough toilets to service a billion people, so out-in-the-open-dumps are a thing.
Until now.

Indian officials and UNICEF are working hard at getting the message across to the world’s largest democracy that public pooping is kinda gross, not to mention completely unsanitary.

Enter the Poo2Loo program. Of course, there’s a vidya explaining why public-loaf-pinching is a bad thing.

 

5) I don’t see mahself getting sick of this song any time soon.

 

Cinco Cosas Para 23 de Septiembre 2013

Psych! This ain’t gonna be in Spanish. I don’t speak a lick of it, folks. Sorry.

1) So, I’m getting the feeling that my fellow humans are untrained in the basics of wiping one’s ass. I don’t know if it’s because folks are lazy as all hell these days, or if some feel that someone else should wipe their ass for them, or because they’re just fucking heinous in general. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was example number three.

Instead of folks getting off their lazy asses–so to speak–our friends in the asswipe industry, have come up with a few products to aid in the evil-eye wiping process.

(via Gawker)

(via Gawker)

They’re baby wipes for grownups, and bravo! What a grand idea! However, there’s a problem–you ain’t supposed to flush these things, and as a result, these wipes be cloggin’ up the sewer systems.

Via the AP.

“The problem got so bad in this western New York community this summer that sewer officials set up traps — basket strainers in sections of pipe leading to an oft-clogged pump — to figure out which households the wipes were coming from. They mailed letters and then pleaded in person for residents to stop flushing them.

“We could walk right up, knock on the door and say, ‘Listen, this problem is coming right from your house,'” said Tom Walsh, senior project coordinator at South & Center Chautauqua Lake Sewer Districts, which was dispatching crews at least once a week to clear a grinder pump that would seize up trying to shred the fibrous wipes.”

“My team regularly goes sewer diving” to analyze what’s causing problems, said Trina McCormick, a senior manager at Kimberly-Clark Corp., maker of Cottonelle. “We’ve seen the majority, 90 percent in fact, are items that are not supposed to be flushed, like paper towels, feminine products or baby wipes.”

Let me get this straight–some paper product companies have dudes on staff whose jobs are to set up traps for dirty asswipes, then go to the offending household and tell the denizens of said abode(s) to stop flushing the wipes and perhaps learn how to CLEAN ONE’S DIRTY ANUS WITH ACTUAL TOILET PAPER, YOU KNOW, THAT KIND THAT’S ACTUALLY FLUSHABLE?

Perhaps bidets aren’t such a crazy concept after all.

2) Go for it. I’m not done making fun of you yet, Mrs. Palin.

3) Neil Patrick Harris needs to sit down. I’ve never seen a more self-involved awards show host in my entire life. Due to his over-inflated ego (and the fact that he produced the show), we had to sit through two too many song and dance numbers which eliminated four ACTING categories from last night’s broadcast to make up for time. All of the guest performer awards were given out at the “You’re Not Important Enough for the Real Emmys” event that probably took place in a bathroom in Griffith Park.

(via entertainment.time.com)

(via entertainment.time.com)

Also, very short clips of of the nominees’ performances were shown–you know–like they do during the Oscars. Someone help me out here–the Emmys are an awards show for tee vee performances, yes? The performances are awarded, same with the writing, directing, etc. It’s not a venue for showing off your dancing and comedy chops to the audience. Hey, NPH, there is such a place for that act–tis called a one-man show.

4) See, this is why science is GOOD. It’s VERY, VERY GOOD. We get to learn tidbits like this.

via Discovery.com

Kaboom! Milky Way’s Black Hole Erupted 2 Million Years Ago

(via Discovery.com)

(via Discovery.com)

5) Veep Dickem Cheney got mocked by a dude in a kilt for being a shitty shot.

I’ll just leave this here.