Five for Friday: September 20, 2013

So, I’m going to continue with this Five Things idea for a bit to see where it takes me.

1) I got this little gem via a journo listserv I’m a member of.

“An unnamed digital media company in Chicago seeks stories at $7 a pop.”

I’ll keep the next few sentences simple since I’m sure you’re also in a state of shock due to what you just read. We want four AP style stories a day with a word count hovering around 400 per story. Great communication skills are a must. Please send your resume and 4 clips to fuckthewriter@bohica.com.

After I fashioned a bag of ice over my sore noggin (it’s sore from banging it against the wall after reading the listserv email), I tried to imagine the level of the mind that believes it’s okay to pay a writer a measly $7/post. Why the hell not? Them’s just words! Anyone can do it! You know, that makes total sense so sign me up!

I’d rather eat ground glass.

2) I wanna know the methodology that was used for this study.

Penis Map Of The World Exposes Weenie Size In Each Country

Plus, ain’t it kinda a cool that dong size has little to do with potency? See, that’s how it’s done denizens of certain South American and African countries. Not only are the Indians and Chinese kicking our asses in so many other ways, their wee schvantzes are helping to produce shitloads of humans to ensure that they’ll be kicking our asses for generations to come. In other words, size ain’t an issue … in some instances.

(via rosalie-schweiker.wikispaces.com)

(via rosalie-schweiker.wikispaces.com)

3) This is real. Not kidding.

(via Inquisitr.com)

(via Inquisitr.com)

It’s the latest Boeing 777 in Eva Air’s fleet of flying machines. Eva Air, by the way, is the Taiwanese airline. You can get in touch with your inner-confused hipster who sports ironic tats, facial hair, piercings and fedoras, by taking one of the three flights between Taipei and Los Angeles each week. Then, you can Instagram it, put pix of you acting all goofy inside the plane on one of your many Tumblrs, then get a tat of the plane on your lower back.

4) Now, this tat was on a “20 Tattoos That You Should Get Removed” page. I’m confused though–I don’t see what the problem is.

(via RedCastle83)

(via RedCastle83)

5) Aaaaaaaaaaaand I’ll just leave this here. Enjoy!

Religion & [th]ugh

I’d rather walk on my lips than criticize anyone else’s religious practices (unless they’re particularly heinous), but something must be said about how stinkin’ weird this ritual is.  From The Telegraph:

Briton arrested with roasted human foetuses for use in black magic ritual

A British man has been arrested in Thailand after being found with six foetuses that had been roasted and covered in gold leaf as part of a black magic spirit ritual.

So, some people believe that roasted fetuses, or I mean foetuses, covered in gold leaf no less will bring them wealth and good luck. Guess cuz it’s on the Internets it must be true, correct? I had no idea that feetusses — or however you spell it — would bring such wonderful things to those who shelled out shitloads of cash. In the scheme of things, this doesn’t surprise me in the least.

What chaps my hide is the spelling of “foetus”– when I see it spelled all British n’ shit. My mind sees, then pronounces it as “foe – tuss”– just like how it pronounces “Phoebe”, “Foe – bee.” See what they did there? Come to think of it, Phoebe’s Foetus is a great band name.

Six in one, I guess. But, why to the Brits have to go and fuck up our language so damn much?

Limey wangs.

Now, I don’t know if I want to scrub, smack, smoke, laugh at, bail out, shake my head at, tattoo, de-tattoo, introduce my mom to, make him lick my boots, have him shave my armpits, make secksy time/hang out/talk politics/watch porn with OR marry Lil Wayne. Quite the quandary I know.

(courtesy of live.drjays.com)

See what I mean?